Category: Stupid Food

Open Post: Hosted By The Hot Dog-Flavored Candy Corn In Brach’s New “Tailgate” Candy Corn Mix

July 29, 2022 / Posted by:

Each year, the food industry tries us basic bitches with some off-the-wall foods in stereotypically autumn flavors to get the people talking, and it usually works. Last year, Bud Light rolled out their Fall Flannel Hard Seltzer flavors, which all sounded like what it would taste like when your bad cousin huffed a can of bathroom Glade while you were visiting your grandparents’ house. But Brach’s really has their ear to the ground and has mastered the art of making an already gross thing grosser in flavors that no one asked for and in seasonal colors. They’re already known for their traditional candy corn which is most closely associated with Halloween time and my trash can, but that wasn’t enough–they wanted to cover the entire fall season–so for a few years now they’ve also been manufacturing their Turkey Dinner Candy Corn. I guess Brach’s felt that they were really missing an opportunity to cash in on the summer/early fall flavor market, so they’ve just dropped their newest monstrosity: Tailgate Candy Corn. Surprisingly, the tailgate flavors they came up with aren’t Natty Ice Burp, Chips & Warm Salsa, Cigar Smoke, and Hangover. Instead, they landed on: Fruit Punch, Vanilla Ice Cream, Popcorn, Hamburger–and the clear winner of the “NOPE” award–Hot Dog. Which, if you hate yourself, would go perfectly with a warm hot dog water seltzer.

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The Pink Sauce Creator Doesn’t Understand Why It Should Be FDA Approved

July 27, 2022 / Posted by:

Chef.Pii’s Pink Sauce has been making the viral rounds for the past couple of weeks after she made several TikToks squirting it all over lots of already perfectly good foods, and it’s also probably been making the bacterial rounds since people say that the $20 a bottle “unknown flavored” sauce is arriving to them rancid after being shipped unrefrigerated in this damn summer heat. She’s also been receiving backlash since the ingredient and nutrition labels are pretty much straight fiction. Unsurprisingly, the woman behind the sauce recently went live on TikTok and showed how clueless she really is about food production and safety when she made it clear that she doesn’t know what “FDA” stands for, what its purpose is, or why her spoiling sauce needs to be approved by them.

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Open Post: Hosted By Pepsi-Flavored Pepperoni

May 21, 2022 / Posted by:

The pizza wars have always been hotter than a slice cooked at 500˚F. Pizza Hut, Dominos, Papa John’s, Little Caesar’s, and your local pizza joint are always coming up with new ideas for snatching the coins out of your wallet. Some work (Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust) while others don’t (Papa John’s John Schnatter’s sweaty interviews). Well, it looks like Pepsi’s getting into the stunt game by unveiling its unholy creation for the humble cheesy pie: Pepsi-flavored pepperoni a.k.a Pepsi-roni!

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Mark Wahlberg Drank Cups Of Olive Oil To Gain Weight For His Role In “Father Stu”

April 5, 2022 / Posted by:

That picture of Mark Wahlberg above looks a little different from his underwear-modeling days, and that would be because Marky Mark had been funky bunching up on calories to prepare for his role in the upcoming biopic Father Stu. Mark previously revealed that he was downing 7,000 to 11,000 calories a day in preparation to bring the titular Father Stuart Long to life because clearly Father Stu wasn’t aggressively shredded at all times like Mark is in real life. Now we’re learning the secrets to Mark’s success. Apparently, it’s chugging olive oil by the glass full.

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Open Post: Hosted By Countertop Spaghetti

May 12, 2021 / Posted by:

Yesterday Prego spaghetti sauce was trending for absolutely disgusting reasons. And it’s all thanks to Lisa from the Josh and Lisa Facebook page. Lady clearly wants a piece of that sweet, sweet viral family fame, but she doesn’t wanna go so far as to euthanize dogs or return adopted children. After all, she’s not a monster! Or… is she? Cuz Lisa made the chaotic/wasteful decision to film herself constructing a spaghetti feast directly on top of her counter. She says countertop pasta is the “easiest way to make spaghetti for a crowd” (NO), because you don’t have to worry about dishes (UMMM) or a mess (WHAT?!?!).

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Open Post: Hosted By The Terrifying Potential Of “Cravy” Hitting Our Grocery Shelves

April 3, 2021 / Posted by:

In a taste-affronting collaboration that rivals the misery of that of Justin Bieber and Crocs, Heinz and Ocean Spray have decided to rage-hump a couple of items from their respective product lines and shove the mingled, congealed ooze of a sloppy Thanksgiving plate on an unsuspecting public in the form of a maybe-product called Cravy, which is an unholy mashup of gravy and cranberry sauce. For the love of all the gods, don’t do it.

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