Cardi B Released The Music Video For Her New Song “Up”
Cardi B is back with a new music video, her first since “WAP”. The single’s called “Up”, and it’s standard Cardi B fare: butts, boobies, bright colors, and the longest nails you’ll see this side of Guinness Book of World Records. The chorus repeats, “if it’s up then it’s stuck.” Surprisingly, the lyrics actually aren’t referring to Offset’s perma-boner (see, he has to keep banging women who aren’t his wife, it’s a medical condition). Nope, the song’s about how Cardi’s rise to the top can’t be stopped.
Here are some lyrical highlights with my own commentary in brackets:
If I had a dick, you’d probably lick it like a lollipop
(um, YES, feminism)Broke boys don’t deserve no pussy
(so you’re saying the working class doesn’t deserve pussy? WOW)Bitches ain’t fuckin’ with me now and I can see why
Dirty ass, dusty ass bitch, you got pink eye
(to be fair, they coulda caught it from their kid!)
Bitches want smoke until I bring it to they doorstep
Tell that bitch back back, breath smell like horse sex
(to be fair, they coulda caught it from their kid!)And finally…
If that n**** had a twin, I would let ’em run a train
(elegance, class, twinclusivity)
I mean, nothing can touch “punani Dasani”, but, c’mon, Shakespeare himself couldn’t top that poetry.
Here’s the video:
In case you’re surrounded by impressionable youngins’, here’s a synopsis: Cardi stands over an ashy dead man in a graveyard. One of the stones reads, RIP 2020. Whoa. Heavy. Then we cut to her as the hood ornament on a pink car flying through the sky (copyright: Britney Spears). Then there’s a shot of Cardi wearing a wig featuring singing Barbie heads:
Then there’s some choreo, which people are already attempting on social media. Then a giant shell opens up, revealing Cardi and some other hot, scantily clad ladies. They proceed to literally tongue each other. Then Cardi shows off a vibrator (I think Cardi might enjoy fucking!), and finally this:
It took me three watches to realize that the coffee table is being held up by a naked man’s ass. Poor guy. Finally, Cardi and some dancers break it down in black fringe in one of the rooms from the No Scrubs video.
Cardi promoted the new single on her Twitter earlier this week, but admitted she wasn’t feeling so “Up”. She even changed her Twitter bio to read “Twitter Most Hated”:
My new single “UP” drops this Friday! LETS GOOOOOO! #Up pic.twitter.com/LJRwzvW8Mv
— Cardi B (@iamcardib) February 2, 2021
I want to thank all my fans and everyone that genuinely support me .I been preparing for this week for over a month.Unfortunately I’m not feeling how I wanted to feel today .I’m very happy that you guys are happy and just know I do this cause ya go so hard for me .
— Cardi B (@iamcardib) February 2, 2021
I’m human and I believe that I’m strong but it’s just too much sometimes .I can’t thank my fans enough for lifting me up and remaining solid it really be too much.
— Cardi B (@iamcardib) February 2, 2021
Cardi’s mood is about to get a whole lot worse when the Shania Twain stans come after her for ripping off the original “Up!”:
Pic: YouTube