Category: Buttholes
Grandmaster Chess Champion Magnus Carlsen Abruptly Quit A Game Against Rival Hans Niemann, Who Has Been Accused Of Cheating Using Anal Beads
Enough Adam Levine cheating scandal. Let’s get back to September’s really juicy cheating scandal: Chessgate 2022: Anal Beads?! Earlier this month, 31-year-old Norwegian grandmaster Magnus Carlsen lost to 19-year-old grandmaster Hans Niemann during the Sinquefield Cup. After the loss, Magnus dropped out of the tournament and took to Twitter to imply that something fishy was going on. Soon, chess-obsessed social media users accused Hans of cheating. They theorized he was wearing wireless anal beads connected to a computer program that would buzz him (in Morse code, I guess?) the correct moves. They had no proof, but these rumors plus Hans getting caught cheating when he was 12 and 16 got him banned from Chess.com and uninvited from its Global Championship in Toronto. Hans did an interview to defend himself and invited his haters to strip him “fully naked” before games. Cut to earlier this week, when the Matt Damon/Jesse Plemons-lookin’ one (Magnus) dramatically quit an online game with the Jack Harlow-type (Hans) after just two moves! I, for one, love quitting after two moves, cuz chess is boring, and I suck at it. But for these genius grandmasters, forfeiting early is a huge “Fuck you and your anal beads!”
A Chess Grandmaster Denies Accusations That He Cheated Using Vibrating Anal Beads
The chess world has been rocked by its biggest scandal in years: one of the players lost their virginity! JK, chess players probably have groupies in every chess city in the world. No, this scandal concerns 19-year-old chess grandmaster, Hans Niemann. The Evening Standard reports that, after winning a game against the world’s #1 grandmaster, Magnus Carlsen, Hans was hit with social media accusations that he cheated using vibrating anal beads that provided him with perfect A.I. moves. Hmmm, maybe refs should have known something was up when Hans crossed his eyes, drooled, and made Professor Frink noises right before moving his bishop to A5.
The Gaping Butthole Is The True (Dirt) Star Of The “Dune” Trailer
Let’s see, a dusty, raggedy, hungry hole of doom that men will run from at first sight? Why it’s like looking into a mirror… while back down/legs up.
If you’re in certain parts of California, you can look outside of your window and see scenes straight out of Dune thanks to the demonic wildfires. But for others, the trailer for Denis Villeneuve’s take on Frank Herbert’s novel Dune came out today and it’s very Weekend At Burning Man. And I’m sure many a hard-trick are throwing death glares at the grains of sand because millions of them probably got up in Jason Momoa’s crotch during the filming of this. Speaking of Jason, he’s actually not the best part of the trailer. That title solely belongs to the no-no-faced sandworm above. Although, it’s not the biggest asshole in the movie. I mean, Josh Brolin is in this after all.