Elon Musk Denies He Homewrecked Google Co-Founder Sergey Brin’s Marriage, Says He Hasn’t Had Sex In A While

The diet industry is probably in the Tummy Tea-infused shit can this morning and not because the state of the world is making many of us devour our feelings by shoving all kinds of deep-fried carb delicious into our eating holes without care. No, it’s because many of us have been forced to do intermittent fasting from hearing about Elon Musk busting nuts left and right. Who can eat anything while suffering from the heaves? Well, over the weekend, The Wall Street Journal got in on the adventures of 51-year-old Elon Musk’s dick and they say that it helped destroy the marriage of 48-year-old Google co-founder Sergey Brin and Sergey’s 37-year-old lawyer/entrepreneur wife Nicole Shanahan. But Elon Musk responded to the alleged tech bro billionaire drama, denying that he had an affair with Nicole and saying that he hasn’t “had sex in ages.” This is shocking to everyone who saw those topless pics of Elon Musk sunning his chichis. You’d think everyone would be throwing their genitals at him over that.

Sergey and Nicole were married for four years and have a 3-year-old daughter together. The Wall Street Journal says that they separated last year but still lived with each other. Sergey filed for divorce this past January. He listed December 15th as their separation date and blamed “irreconcilable differences” for the reason why his marriage ended. Sergey may have gone with “irreconcilable differences” because “Elon Musk’s dick of betrayal” wasn’t an option. Because WSJ says that Sergey found out that Nicole fucked his longtime friend Elon, and even though they were separated at the time, it was what he needed to file for divorce and break up his bro-ship with Elon. Sergey, who gave Elon $500,000 in 2008 when Tesla was struggling, also reportedly told his advisers to sell his personal investments in Elon’s companies after he found out about the affair.

WSJ says that Elon and Nicole’s thing happened in December at Art Basel in Miami and didn’t last long (I bet it didn’t). And because Elon is always finding ways to redefine embarrassing and is a certified attention whore, he allegedly got down on one knee at a party earlier this year and begged for Sergey’s forgiveness for doing Nicole. While the people around them probably watched that weird scene and wondered if Elon was adding “gay marriage proposal” to his list of STUNT QUEEN antics, Sergey probably almost exploded from the stress of trying to resist the urge to knee the trick.

Mr. Brin and Ms. Shanahan already were facing problems in their marriage in the fall of 2021, primarily because of Covid pandemic shutdowns and the care of their 3-year-old daughter, according to people familiar with their relationship.

The liaison with Mr. Musk took place in early December 2021, at the Art Basel event in Miami, those people said. Art Basel is a multiday, annual festival that draws wealthy attendees from around the world.

At a party earlier this year, Mr. Musk dropped to one knee in front of Mr. Brin and apologized profusely for the transgression, begging for forgiveness, according to people with knowledge of the incident.

Mr. Brin acknowledged the apology, but still isn’t speaking regularly to Mr. Musk, those people said.

Sergey Brin’s first wife Anne Wojcicki probably cackled like she’s never cackled before this weekend since her marriage to Sergey reportedly imploded from his wandering peen ways, which led to his affair with a Google employee. These billionaire tech bros are a mess. Pine Valley, what?! The real drama is in Silicone Valley.

Also, in December 2021, Elon and his ex Grimes welcomed their second child together via surrogate (Elon and Grimes broke up in September 2021), and a few weeks before that, Elon added two more children to his baby collection when twins he made with Neuralink executive Shivon Zilis were born.

But according to Elon, the WSJ’s story is as bunk as his offer to buy Twitter. Elon claims his friendship with Sergey is still alive and that he’s barely seen Nicole over the years. And he also had to let us know about the current state of his fuck life:

This is total bs. Sergey and I are friends and were at a party together last night!

I’ve only seen Nicole twice in three years, both times with many other people around. Nothing romantic.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 25, 2022

Haven’t even had sex in ages (sigh)

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 25, 2022

To prove that Sergey really doesn’t hate him, Elon gave The New York Post this pic of them partying on Saturday. But Elon can’t be trusted, so for all we know, Elon could’ve been making a happy face as Sergey was in the middle of saying to people, “You know that piece of shit douche over there ruined my fucking marriage!”

WSJ adds that Sergey and Nicole’s divorce fight was already messy before this claim came out. Sergey is currently #7 on Forbes’ list of The Richest People in the World with $107 billion (Elon is #1 with $219 billion), and Nicole reportedly wants $1 billion of that fortune, which is a lot more than what her prenup entitles her to. But Nicole reportedly claims that she “signed the prenuptial agreement under duress.” Well, if this story turns out to be true, Nicole should also say she was under duress when she made the decision to wet hump on Elon Musk. “I hit my head hard and was also suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning which caused me to hallucinate Elon Musk as Chris Hemsworth.”

Pics: Britta Pedersen/DPA, Marion Curtis / StarPix, Sarah Blythe/INSTARimages.com