Blake Shelton Is “Grateful Every Day” He’s Not Married To Miranda Lambert Anymore

February 20, 2019 / Posted by:

People Magazine’s least sexy Sexist Man Alive, Blake Shelton, offered his ex-wife Miranda Lambert some subtle front porch country shade (with a side of extra tart lemonade) when asked about her recent marriage to the “love of her life”, 28-year old NYPD cop Brendan McLoughlin. Brendan and Miranda have only been married for less than a month which, frankly, is longer than a lot of people probably expected. They’ve only known each other 3 months and he has an infant child with a woman his ex-fiance’s mom claims he cheated with. According to People, Blake’s been reduced to speaking only in country music cliches, a source claims “he put Miranda in his rear view mirror long ago”, presumably followed by something about dirt roads, Chevy trucks, and his dog riding shotgun (Gwen has to ride in the back).

People Magazine reports:

According to a source close to the country star, the singer has fully moved on with his life after the couple filed for divorce more than three years ago.

“He put Miranda in his rear view mirror long ago. Miranda brings nothing positive to his life,” says the source. “Their marriage ended and he moved on. Ever since, he is grateful every day.”

I guess Blake’s sticking to his story that Miranda’s starring role in The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Poon was the only reason their marriage ended, and that he never even auditioned for Eat Pray Love A Groupie With Your Penis. People says Blake is “focusing on his own happiness” and their source sharted out some wet butterfly excrement by adding, “Blake is crazy about Gwen, and all he sees are hearts in his eyes every day.” Gwen must also be seeing some shit when she looks at Blake because she posted this nightmare on Instagram for V-Day (scroll through for “the prettiest, most happiest, prettiest flowers” that Blake gave her. This woman writes lyrics for a living?).

And here I thought he couldn’t get any less sexy.

Pic: Wenn.com

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