Page Six is reporting that after a few months, the undying love of “Peckinsale” is over! Does this mean the shelf life of Pete’s wonder penis is decreasing? He better sprinkle some more MSG down his pants before he locks the next random hottie of his dreams in his intense sights. But good news for us, this might be the last post about these two (no promises).
After Ariana Grande became a single parent to Piggy Smalls Grande-Davidson by dumping Pete Davidson, he didn’t waste much time in rebounding (although is it considered rebounding when you were with your previous girlfriend for no longer than four seconds?) with Kate Beckinsale. This made another case for the government to declare Pete Davidson’s dick a weapon of mass destruction since it causes women to lose their minds and make the decision to date Pete Davidson. Kate was apparently not looking to get serious, but big dick has a way of changing a trick’s mind, because she was papped holding his hand and going to dinner with him and her mom. But after doing each other for about three months, they are letting their fuck parts cool down for a minute. That’s what People claims anyway.
Okay, So Nicki Minaj Didn’t Meet Her Registered Sex Offender Boo While Handing Out Free Turkeys For Thanksgiving
On Twitter, a rumor sprouted that Nicki Minaj met her latest man Kenneth Petty, who went to prison for attempted rape and shooting a man, while handing out free turkeys in Queens. But TMZ claims that while Nicki may currently be serving Kenny Petty some BPA-filled plastic turkey (read: her ass), she’s never given him a free turkey. They apparently first got together 20 years ago when Nicki was 16 and he was 20. That means Nicki started farting up hearts for him right after he got out of prison after serving a 4 year sentence for pulling a knife on a 16-year-old girl and trying to rape her. It’s nice to know that Nicki has always had impeccable taste in men.
Page Six reports that Ariana Grande has been spotted with her sixth and newest Pete Davisdon tattoo since the couple hooked up two months and began their nauseating TMI and tattoo crime spree. How do we know that Ariana’s new tattoo is a direct homage to her fiancee? It’s his 10 inch dick curling around her face. No, but it is his second most defining characteristic, and that’s the word “Pete” on her marrying finger. Continue reading
In case you haven’t been following the most enduring love story of this generation and beyond, let me give you a quick timeline of 24-year-old Ariana Grande Latte and 24-year-old Pete Davidson’s blossoming love:
May 10, 2018 – It was reported that Ariana and the Nickelodeon Eminem named Mac Miller broke up.
May 19, 2018 – It was reported that Ariana was mumble moaning while humping on Pete Davidson from Saturday Night Live.
May 22, 2018 – It was reported that Ariana was so dickmatized by Pete and he was so coochmatized by her that they got matching tattoos.
June 1, 2018 – Their relationship had already gotten to that phase where she burped up vomit-inducing dingles of cheese like, “I thought you into my life.”
June 3, 2018 – Pete definitely got two tattoos in honor of his girlfriend of three seconds.
June 4, 2018 – Ariana and Pete joked about procreating.
June 11, 2018 – THEY’RE ENGAGED!!!!!
After being broken up for a little over a month, it appears that 18-year-old millionaire lip gloss mogul Kylie Jenner might be letting Tyga work his creeper weasel game on her again. Just like that, the KUWTK writers let out a giant sigh of relief. They’ve finally secured a back-up story line for when viewers lose interest in the Toy Story Live! fight between the factory defect Troll doll and Teen Talk Barbie.