After Ariana Grande became a single parent to Piggy Smalls Grande-Davidson by dumping Pete Davidson, he didn’t waste much time in rebounding (although is it considered rebounding when you were with your previous girlfriend for no longer than four seconds?) with Kate Beckinsale. This made another case for the government to declare Pete Davidson’s dick a weapon of mass destruction since it causes women to lose their minds and make the decision to date Pete Davidson. Kate was apparently not looking to get serious, but big dick has a way of changing a trick’s mind, because she was papped holding his hand and going to dinner with him and her mom. But after doing each other for about three months, they are letting their fuck parts cool down for a minute. That’s what People claims anyway.
A source says that Kate may have slightly woken up from the dickmatized haze she was in, because she and Pete are taking a step back.
While the two are still together, a source tells PEOPLE the couple has “decided to slow things down.”
“Pete and Kate got super serious very fast but they’ve decided to slow things down a bit,” says the source. “They’re still dating as of now.”
I’m taking this to mean that they’re pretty much done, but Kate still FaceTime fucks with him every other day. Even that will slow down, because it’s a mood killer every time Pete’s mom screams down at him in the basement to wipe better because she’s sick of scrubbing out the chunky skid marks from his Underoos.
If Pete and Kate are headed for a total break-up, at least she didn’t get a tattoo tribute to him. Or get engaged to him. Or adopt a farm animal with him and name the animal after a dead rapper. Cut to Kate crying in front of the mirror as she looks at the “Pete’s Poon” tattoo on her crotch and clutches her baby cow Tupac Shakalf with the hand that’s got a secret engagement ring from Pete on it. An engagement ring she bought herself. Even Tupac Shakalf is judging her.