Category: Chris Martin

Chris Martin Got Snippy With Some Autograph Hounds

January 21, 2020 / Posted by:

Usually when Golden Retrievers get mad, they sulk. But Chris Martin surprised everybody by whining, even growling a little, at a couple of overeager autograph seekers who yelled to him after a charity concert at the Palladium in L.A. on Monday night. No need to send Chris for rabies testing or anything, according to TMZ, he eventually calmed down and signed the fucking autographs anyway. Yes, Chris cussed! So now we know, even Golden Retrievers have their limits.

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Dakota Johnson Chummed It Up With Gwyneth Paltrow At Her 30th Birthday Party

October 8, 2019 / Posted by:

I just hate it when wealth, fame, and nepotism are wasted on the bland and boring. Dakota Johnson recently celebrated her 30th birthday with a big party in Malibu over the weekend. If my mom and dad were fucking icons, and I was dating a rock/popstar, even if it was Chris Martin, I’d sure as hell be having a legendary party and the highlight wouldn’t be a birthday cake in the shape of my dog with a couple of sparklers sticking out of it. The highlight would be a mound of coke in the shape of my dog, from which my actual dog jumps out holding sparklers. What Malibu baker is going to say no to Don Johnson’s daughter?! But that’s not how Dakota rolls. According to People, Dakota’s party involved a lot of hugging and chatting with her boyfriend’s ex-wife Gwyneth Paltrow. And somebody invited Sean Penn. Yuck!

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Dakota Johnson’s Tooth Gap Is Gone And People Are Sad For Some Reason

August 6, 2019 / Posted by:

Sorry all you gap-tooth lovers out there–one of your Queens has fallen. Dakota Johnson seems to have closed that small gap between her two front teeth as it looks like the once-parted incisors are now fully connected best friends. And you know what? The internet has an opinion on the matter. It’s wild to think that people would comment on Dakota Johnson changing her own physical appearance since the Internet usually doesn’t notice these thing.

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Chris Martin And Dakota Johnson Might Have Gotten Back Together

August 2, 2019 / Posted by:

Break out the dildos, sex robots, candle wax, and and fetish gear. America’s sexiset couple are back together! Us Weekly reports that Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson’s insane sexual chemistry has brought them back together just a month after they reportedly broke up. I guess those matching infinity tattoos weren’t a laughable mistake after all!

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Chris Martin And Dakota Johnson Reportedly Split Due To Her Not Wanting To Make Babies

June 17, 2019 / Posted by:

Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson have ended their 18 month relationship, allegedly due to Chris really wanting to make some Martin-Johnson kids, and Dakota wanting to make more porn lite like Fifty Shades of Grey movies and buddy comedies with Rebel Wilson. Basically, 29-year-old Dakota wanted to focus on her career and Chris Martin wanted to focus on not becoming another internet meme and procreating with her.

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Chris Martin And Dakota Johnson Are Reportedly Done

June 15, 2019 / Posted by:

While Gwyneth Paltrow touts the marital advantages of her husband living in a different home miles away from her, her ex-husband Chris Martin obviously chose not to follow her lead. The Sun reports that Chris has broken up was with his girlfriend, 50 Shades of Boring S&M star Dakota Johnson. Earlier this year, Chris bought a $5 million Malibu beach house for them to live in together. Who would have thought that GOOP could ever be right about anything?

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