Category: Boring Couples
Cross-Border Barbie And Ken Made An Appearance At The White House State Dinner
The White House threw a special fancy dinner party for Canada’s Next Top Model Prime Minister Justin Trudeau last night. Because JT is the Prime Minister of Canada, they also invited a whole bunch of famous and semi-famous Canadians to join them. I say “semi-famous“, because I scanned the guest list and no where did I see the names Bert Raccoon or Friend Record, aka Canada’s most important A-list celebrities.
Taylor Swift And Calvin Harris Made It To The One-Year Mark
Cue up the Barry Manilow and pop a bottle of strawberry shortcake-flavored sparkling wine! Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris’ unfrosted sugar cookie love was clearly stronger than some pussy problems and massage parlor drama, because they celebrated their 1st anniversary on Sunday. I can’t believe it either; it feels like just yesterday Taylor’s vise-grip arms wrapped themselves around Rita Ora’s leftovers.
Ryan Reynolds Fell For Blake Lively While On A Double Date With Someone Else
“Really? Lil’ ol me? Well ah do declayuh! If that ain’t just a big ol’ dollop of a slice of shoofly pie – okay, I’ll stop.”
If someone asked me how Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds came together, I’d smear some mayo on a piece of white bread and ask “This? Is it this?“, because I know how a mayonnaise sandwich gets made, and Blake and Ryan are pretty much the human equivalent. But according to Ryan, they got together during a double date they were on with other people.
Ryan recently admitted to Sirius XM’s Entertainment Weekly Radio (via People) that while he and Blake became “buddies” during the filming of Green Lantern, and so like lots of friends do, they decided to go on a double date together. Sadly, there might still be a TGIFridays with two people awkwardly picking at a plate of nachos and making small talk about how long their dates have been in the bathroom, because that was the night Blake and Ryan became Blake + Ryan. Unless you want to hear Ryan talk about the baby he made with Blake, skip to 2:42.
Ryan claims he didn’t get the warm feels for Blake until a year after Green Lantern. And I totally believe that, because nothing kills your boner quicker than showing up to set and remembering that your name and IMDB page will forever be linked to a stinky turd like Green Lantern. Blake Lively could have waited for him in his trailer at the end of the day wearing only a Green Lantern ring she swiped from the prop department, and he would be like “I…no. I can’t. I’m just too bummed out.”
And because we didn’t get a good enough look at them the first time, here’s Blake working a pair of Bedazzled bike shorts at the amfAR Gala last night. Huh, I didn’t realize bike shorts came with the 1989 Republican Senator & Senator’s Second Wife fashion set.
Pics: Splash
Bradley Cooper Is Hitting The Fast-Forward Button On His Relationship With Irina Shayk
Because I’m a cynic with a heart of cold oatmeal, I figured the lukewarm love between Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk would last as long as it took before Leonardo DiCaprio realized there was a stone left un-turned (aka there was an underwear model out there that he hadn’t boned yet). And since every underwear model’s DNA contains the intrinsic desire to spend a month at sea on Leo’s floating pussy barge, she’d pack up her thinsg (aka a rolling suitcase full of XS thongs) and accept his invitation, leaving Bradley’s assistant in a frantic panic to find him a new model girlfriend. Leo ruins everything!
But apparently I’m way off and we can go ahead and upgrade their relationship from “casual pap walks” to “possible People magazine engagement cover“. According to E!, Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk are super serious about each other. Bradley and Irina started hooking up back in April, and a source says that Brad is ready to try the whole being married thing again. Not RIGHT THIS MINUTE, of course, but later on down the line. The source goes on to say that both Brad and Irina want kids, and that Irina will probably spend Christmas with Bradley and his mama.
And the NY Daily News is saying that Bradley is now living at Irina’s apartment in NYC. Bradley was apparently looking at an $8.9 million apartment in Tribeca a couple months ago, but decided to move his shit into his girlfriend’s place instead. No word on whether or not the fake baby from American Sniper is sitting somewhere on a shelf in the living room with a sticky note on its chest that says “One day we’ll make a REAL one of these“, and creeping Irina out every time she walks past it. But I’m going to assume that, yes, it is.
Here’s Irina Shayk’s maybe-future husband strolling around NYC a few days ago in some tighty track pants, because why not.
Pics: Pacific Coast News, Splash
Allison Williams Got Married Yesterday
You know that right before the reception, Allison Williams’ daddy Brian Williams was like “Honey, please tell me there isn’t going to be a garter toss. I really can’t handle watching anything else of yours get tossed.”
Sorry Single Guys, But Gwyneth Paltrow Is Still With Brad Falchuk
Despite recent whispers that she was done rubbing her parched parts on her secret-not-secret boyfriend of almost a year, People says Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk were spotted driving from an airport to a hotel in Rome together on Thursday. Unless Brad is making a little extra cash as Goopy’s personal assistant, that probably means they’re together.
A source, who sounds like they’re gunning for a copywriting job at GOOP.com, tells People that Gwyneth and Brad were “serene and pleased in each other’s company, happy.” The reason Gwyneth was in Rome was to sit in the front row of a Valentino couture show yesterday. In the event you want to see what it looks like when Goopy is about to scream at the GPS for not addressing her as “Ms. Paltrow“, People has a couple pictures of Goopchuck driving around Rome. In a (shudder) rental car. I’m sure the first thing Goopy hissed when Brad pulled around with their rental car was “Excuse me? What in the fuck is that piece of shit. We’re in Rome. Where’s my 70 BC golden chariot? You think Julius Caesar would been seen in a LeBaron? Christ, Brad, get it together. I’M GWYNETH PALTROW!”
First Jennifer Lawrence goes back to Chris Martin, then Brad Falchuk returns to Goopy? Does Neil deGrasse Tyson know anything about the possible gravitational pull of crotches? Because I’m starting to think Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have some kind of smug gravitational pull that prevents their partners from leaving their orbit.
And here’s Gwyneth looking like the sugar-free vanilla creme in the middle of Giancarlo Giammetti and Valentino’s sexy orange sandwich cookie.
Pics: Wenn.com