Category: Brian Williams

Open Post: Hosted By Brian Williams Trolling Donald Trump With A Clip From “Jerry Maguire”

January 29, 2021 / Posted by:

I really don’t understand what is going on with broadcast news anymore and I don’t know that I ever will again. Apparently, there are still people left in this big wide world that sit down on a couch or chair and watch the news on a television set instead of Quibi-ing it like a lot of us these days (that’s taking quick bites here and there, getting overwhelmed and coming away with a nuanced, full understanding of absolutely nothing before filing for Chapter 2 intellectual bankruptcy). However, a clip that’s going around of Allison Williams’ dad, veteran MSNBC newscaster Brian Williams, trolling Donald Trump live on air by “accidentally” playing the “you had me at hello” clip from Jerry McGuire tells me that the entire media landscape is now one never-ending clown show.

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Dr. Aretha Gives Her Professional Medical Opinion About Prince’s Cause Of Death

April 21, 2016 / Posted by:

After Michael Jackson died, we learned that his sister La Toya Jackson is a skilled private investigator and has the spirit of Sherlock Holmes running through her veins. La Toya became Detective La Toya when she correctly smelled something suspicious about her brother’s death and vowed to get to the bottom of it. Today’s Mt. Everest-sized mountain of sadness has also brought out some new information I never knew before. Aretha Franklin is obviously a board certified physician. Because during an interview about Prince’s death today, she offered up her opinion on what she thinks may have taken him away from us.

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And Now For The Time MSNBC Staff Started An Angry Chant About Brian Williams At A Party

June 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Brian Williams hasn’t even started his new job at MSNBC, and already it sounds like he’s going to have problems. Well, you know – besides the obvious, like getting caught in a web of lies every time someone accuses him to stealing their food from the staff break room. “Of course this is my cereal. It was given to me by U.S. Naval Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch as a reward for rescuing his ship from the Soggies.

According to Page Six, things started to get awkward between Brian Williams and MSNBC back in 2012. Brian had just done a two-part report for Rock Center with Brian Williams in which he took aim at cable news. Williams described cable news as “corrosive and does nothing to help compromise in this country.” Brian interviewed a bunch of cable news people, like angry daddy Bill O’Reilly and pallid lizard queen Ann Coulter, but MSNBC refused to participate in that fight. MSNBC were so pissed at BriWi for talking shit about cable news that several months later, at their staff Christmas party, everyone celebrated their mutual hatred of Brian Williams by chanting “Fuck Brian Williams.”

And the staff of MSNBC might still be chanting “Fuck Brian Williams” to this day. Page Six says that Rachel Maddow commented on her new co-worker last week, saying that she was “really happy” he was moving in, but added that “it is quite possible that I’m causing some schpilkas [extreme nervousness] somewhere in this building because I’m talking about this.

I wouldn’t worry too much about Brian Williams’ feelings in all of this. I bet he’s already convinced himself they were actually chanting, “Fuck, Brian Williams…is a really great news anchor.


Brian Williams On His Lie Telling: “It Came From A Bad Place”

June 19, 2015 / Posted by:

What does that mean? Like his asshole? Was the tumor in his asshole? *sad-face*. Brian Williams has had a rough time of it. He was revealed to be a tall tale teller which is a no-no when you’re getting paid millions to anchor the NBC Nightly News. He had to watch his daughter get her ass eaten on Girls. He’s been demoted to MSNBC and replaced by the dude whose chiefly known for saying things like “…and now the conclusion of Passion Pit Patricide in Pittsburgh on tonight’s Dateline NBC.” This morning, however, he hit his bottom. In an effort to hang on to some sort of career, Williams was forced into an interview with the insufferably smug Matt Lauer.

During their discussion, Brian blamed his fanciful tales of Iraq War chopper derring-do on “ego“, and claims he was trying to come off as cooler than the other kids.

“This came from clearly a bad place, a bad urge inside me. This was clearly ego-driven, a desire to better my role in a story I was already in. That’s what I’ve been tearing apart and unpacking and analyzing.”

Lauer, clearly enjoying administering the journalistic equivalent of a colonoscopy sans anesthesia to a formerly envied colleague, made sure Brian explained that he was an insecure neurotic in every way possible.

“It had to have been ego that made me think I had to be sharper, funnier, quicker than anybody else. I told the story correctly for years, before I told it incorrectly. I was not trying to mislead people, (and) that to me is a huge difference. It came from a bad place. It came from a sloppy choice of words. I told stories that were not true. Over the years, looking back, it is very clear I never intended to. It got mixed up, it got turned around, in my mind.”

Money kills brain cells. And sanity. He could have coasted along as the catty bitch running the news game at NBC. Now he’s going to have endure Tamron Hall offering him the banana from her brown bag lunch in the break room and Rachel Maddow instructing her assistant to make sure Brian knows to address her as MIZ Maddow, thank you.

Check out Matt Lauer’s interview with Brian Williams below.

As Expected, Lester Holt Has Been Named Anchor Of NBC Nightly News

June 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Someone go tell Kenneth Parcell to grab a trash bag and clear the shit off Brian Williams’ desk (ie. the framed picture of the time he met George Washington and Jesus, the medal of courage he gave himself for saving Private Ryan). Earlier today, NBC confirmed what we’ve all pretty much known for a while. Lying enthusiast Brian Willliams won’t be returning to NBC Nightly News and his replacement is Lester Holt.

“Lester has done outstanding work for NBC News over the last ten years, and he’s performed remarkably well over the last few months under very tough circumstances. He’s an exceptional anchor who goes straight to the heart of every story and is always able to find its most direct connection to the everyday lives of our audience.  In many ways, television news stands at a crossroads, and Lester is the perfect person to meet the moment.”

He’s also perfect because he promised he wouldn’t start making shit up” is what NBC went on to say.

So Lester Holt officially has Brian Williams’ job. No word on whether or not he also got Brian’s huge NBC Nightly News salary too. But if you happen to see him zipping around in a solid-gold Phantom with his head out of the window screaming “I’m rich, bitch!“, then that’s probably a yes. Brian Williams, on the other hand, will be on MSNBC from now on. Starting mid-August, BriWi will cover breaking news and special reports. He also released his own statement about leaving NBC Nightly News, and surprisingly, it wasn’t a verbatim copy of Scarface’s “Fuck You” quitting scene from Half Baked.

“I’m sorry. I said things that weren’t true. I let down my NBC colleagues and our viewers, and I’m determined to earn back their trust. I will greatly miss working with the team on Nightly News, but I know the broadcast will be in excellent hands with Lester Holt as anchor. I will support him 100% as he has always supported me. I am grateful for the chance to return to covering the news. My new role will allow me to focus on important issues and events in our country and around the world, and I look forward to it.”

Brian Williams will also fill in as anchor for NBC News live special reports if Lester Holt isn’t available. Why did I just get the mental image of Brian Williams setting up a bunch of elaborate Home Alone-style booby traps along Lester’s route to work while his daughter Allison Williams gives commands over a walkie-talkie. “Daddy, hurry up! We need him gone and you back in charge by the time NBC starts casting for The Wiz Live!

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