Trace Cyrus Says He Will Fight Any Band (As Long As They Sign A Waiver First)

Just a helpful production note for anyone who is planning on recording a menacing video message for their enemies any time in the near future: it’s difficult to appear tough when it looks like you’re filming in front of the Home Depot garden center.

Trace Cyrus, the Cousin Eddie to Miley’s Clark Griswold (technically I think they’re both the Cousin Eddie, but just go with me on this one) recently crawled out of the shallow end of gene pool and reminded us that he’s still a thing by threatening to fight other bands. That’s right. If you’re in a band and you’ve been talking shit about Trace Cyrus’ band, he WILL kick your ass…but only if you agree to sign a lengthy waiver promising that you will not sue him.

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Reese Witherspoon And Sofia Vergara Allegedly Hate Each Other Because “Hot Pursuit” Sucked

Despite hustling hard and working the press circuit like the rent was due yesterday, Hot Pursuit pretty much blew into the box office like a stinky fart and left shortly after. Most people have forgotten about Hot Pursuit, but not Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara. During the promo tour for Hot Pursuit, Reese and Sofia acted like they a pair of loyal-to-the-soil summer camp BFFs (see above). But according to Radar, both Reese and Sofia – who were producers on the movie – are pissed off that Hot Pursuit flopped harder than Jon Hamm’s dick after busting a nut, and they’re pointing angry fingers at each other. A source says:

“Sofia and Reese have turned the movie’s failure into a brutal blame game. Reese blames Sofia’s accent and ‘irritating laugh,’ while Sofia blames Reese for not being sexy or funny enough.”

Damn, you know you truly can’t stand someone when hearing them laugh makes your eye twitch. The worst part is, Reese can’t avoid Sofia’s high-pitched laugh for very long, because they both share an agent. Reese and Sofia are represented by Reese’s husband Jim Toth, and they’ve pulled him into their fight.

“Jim is desperately trying to broker peace between them, but then they start accusing him of playing favorites! He can’t win.”

The source also claims that Sofia was hoping Hot Pursuit might be her ticket out of television. The shoot schedule for Modern Family is long and hard, and Sofia is apparently over it. Unfortunately, Hot Pursuit was a pile of doo doo and she has to stick around.

Movies flop all the time, so it’s weird that Reese and Sofia are taking this so hard. They really need to look on the bright side; studios will release a sequel to anything if they think there’s a chance it might make a bit of money. And Hot Pursuit 2 would probably not make more than $20. So if anything, they should be thanking each other for sucking so much that they won’t have to work together again.

Pic: Instagram

John Mayer Might Be Helping Katy Perry Write A Revenge Song About Taylor Swift

Welcome to round 4,239 of the never-ending high school lunchroom fight between 4-time self-appointed prom queen Taylor Swift, her former BFF and current wannabe parking lot bad girl Katy Perry, and the sleazy dude who should have graduated years ago but still continues to hang around the halls asking every girl who walks by “Wassup?” John Mayer. I know, it’s been entirely too long since the last one.

According to Heat (via Hollywood Life), John Mayer is helping Katy Perry write a song about their mutual enemy Taylor Swift in an attempt to get back at her for writing one about Katy. A “friend” of Katy’s – who I’ll pretend confessed all of this in the 2nd floor girls bathroom while taking a long drag off a cigarette she yanked from her mother’s purse – says:

“Katy thinks revenge is a dish best served cold. She’s even more determined to show people what she calls ‘the real Taylor’, she’s writing some big, anthemic-type songs that’ll feature dirt on Taylor that John’s told her from when they used to date.”

They went on to add that Katy is still mad that she didn’t get to go to the Billboard Music Awards and it’s all Tay Tay’s fault. Apparently John Mayer convinced her that shit might get awkward with living beige Crayola crayon and her fan club, so she skipped it.

Even though I’m sure Katy Perry and John Mayer have better things to do than write a mean girl diss track about Tay Tay (subtle suggestion), I can’t help but wonder what it would be like. Since Katy Perry is violently allergic to subtlety, I’m going to assume it will be called “Tay-LIAR“, and the video will feature Katy Perry getting into a slap fight with a broom stick in a t-shirt that says I HEART CATS with a vintage purse stapled to it while John Mayer cheers her on.

Speaking of Katy Perry’s nemesis, here’s Tay Tay doing her daily fashion show walk for the paps earlier today:

Pics: Wenn.com

Archie Panjabi Pretty Much Confirms What We Already Knew About Her Final Scene On “The Good Wife”

As if it wasn’t painfully obvious by Julianna Margulies’ “Sorry, where am I supposed to be looking?” eyes, Archie Panjabi – aka the person who appears to be sitting beside her at that bar, who also has no idea where the fuck her eye line is – recently spoke about her final scene on The Good Wife and kind-of admitted that, yeah, they definitely didn’t film it together.

I’ve only seen a couple episodes of The Good Wife by accident, thanks to a remote with dying batteries combined with being too lazy to get off the couch and watch something else, but I didn’t have to see the finale last week to know it was a mess. Right away, people started whispering that it looked like Julianne and Archie pulled a green screen switcheroo for and shot their scenes on different days using stand-ins and some cut-and-paste technology. And that would make sense, since there have been rumors going around since Jesus times that those two can’t stand to be in the same room together. On Tuesday, UsWeekly cornered Archie at the premiere of San Andreas and asked her if her final scene with Julianna was bogus, and she burped up this vague answer:

“You know, I can’t answer that. It’s not fair for me to answer those decisions. As much as I want to. But those decisions are made by the producers. I’m not privy to those decisions. All I do know is I’m very grateful to the Kings for making the decision to cast me.”

That’s a lot of words to say “Was it that obvious I was saying my lines to bag of craft service table Cheetos in a wig?”

Damn, you know you truly hate someone if you can’t even pretend to drink tequila with them for the sake of collecting a check. Since it was Archie’s last show ever, does that mean they also had two going away parties that they spliced together afterwards? “Don’t touch the cake! We need that for the second group shot.”

Here’s Archie Panjabi at the premiere of San Andreas wearing some ‘bank manager on top, Game of Thrones on the bottom’ couture:

Pics: Wenn.com

Kanye West Is Mad At The Billboard Music Awards For Censoring His Performance

And now we know what it looks like when Kris Jenner calls her son-in-law into the Kardashian Khompound’s “lower office” for a business meeting.

According to TMZ, Dr. Kanye West is very very mad at the Billboard Music Awards. So mad. Madder than his wife after discovering Botox no longer makes suppositories for on-the-go sphincter wrinkle removal. Kanye is mad at Billboard for censoring the hell out of his performance on Sunday night. A “source” claims Kanye gave the producers the lyrics to “All Day” and “Black Skinhead” exactly how he planned on performing them, and there weren’t that many no-no words. But they still went ahead and hit the mute button on a good chunk of his audio, including lyrics like “my leather black jeans on” and “Middle America.” How dare they! Don’t they know how important Kanye West thinks Kanye West is?

Not surprisingly, Kanye released a statement through his publicist on Tuesday swatting at ABC for allowing the Billboard Music Awards to silence his genius.

“Kanye West was grossly over-censored at the Billboard Music Awards. Non-profane lyrics such as ‘with my leather black jeans on’ were muted for over 30-second intervals. As a result, his voice and performance were seriously misrepresented. It is ridiculous that in 2015, unwarranted censorship is something that artists still have to fight against. Although West was clearly set up to face elements beyond his control during the live broadcast, he would like to apologize to the television audience who were unable to enjoy the performance the way he envisioned.”

His voice was misrepresented? Are you kidding? That might have been the best I’ve heard Kanye West sound in years! I’m so used to a non-stop stream of asshole-isms and egotistical thought farts pouring out of his talk hole that hearing him say nothing was actually a nice change of pace. Not to mention all that silence gave me a chance to focus and reflect on the sound that truly mattered: that beautiful symphony of boos.

George Clooney Quit Tom Ford’s New Movie Because They Got Into A Fight

And no, not a dramatic after school-style slap fight behind their trailers while the rest of the crew formed a circle around them yelling “FINISH HIM! SCRATCH THE PRETTY OFF HIS FACE!” (I wish). According to Page Six, it was a just regular old mouth fight between George Clooney and Tom Ford, but it was bad enough that it made Georgie quit the movie they were working on together.

George was supposed to produce Tom’s upcoming movie Nocturnal Animals, which stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Amy Adams. But a “source” claims that’s not happening anymore because the two got into it and now Tom Ford is looking for a new producer.

“Ford is in Cannes because George Clooney was to produce the movie through his Smokehouse Pictures, with Grant Heslov. But they had a huge falling out over creative issues a few weeks ago, and Clooney is no longer involved.”

However, George Clooney wants you to know it was nowhere near that dramatic. George took a break from his tireless efforts as Just Stop‘s unofficial embassador to tell Page Six the real reason for why he quit.

“No falling out at all. It was just scheduling. Grant and I love the project and think Tom is fantastic. We just couldn’t do it when he needed to go.”

Meanwhile, Tom Ford isn’t saying anything just yet, but that could be because he’s too busy running around trying to find a new producer.

Now I’m curious about what that alleged fight was about. I’m guessing either Tom got tired of George bugging him to replace Amy Adams with his “amazing” wife Amal Clooney, or George caught Tom giving him a face full of bitchy side-eye when he caught him going back for second danish at the craft services table.

Here’s George looking like a suburban dad on his way to a weekend motorcycle meet-up in the parking lot of a Friendly’s while leaving the Late Show yesterday:

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash