Celine Dion channeled her inner Chris Crocker by screaming (in French Canadian), “LEAVE THE GREATEST SINGUH IN DA WORLD”, alone over rumors that her heart has gone on from her late-husband Ruh-nay to her back-up dancer/best friend/ fashion show escort Pepe Munoz. And while I Google, “Is Pepe Munoz gay and available and into skinny fat bitter bitches?”, you all can scream to let Celine and her hot friend-in-waiting live! – Jezebel

Angelina Jolie will star in a new movie called Those Who Wish Me Dead, and no, it’s not a documentary about her ugly divorce battle with Brad Pitt – Lainey Gossip

“Give me ‘trying to push a fart but keep it sexy’!” screamed the photographer at Rita Ora – Drunken Stepfather

“Hello, welcome to the Woodstock Cafe, I’m your server Christina Hendricks, and by the way, my eyes are up here. No, keep going, keep going, still on my tits, keep going, yeah there.” – Popoholic

There was a partial Laverne & Shirley reunion (But can I even call it a Laverne & Shirley reunion without Laverne?) and just when I was about to scream, “Where’s Rhonda?!”, I spotted Rhonda in midwestern librarian drag – SOW

Backdoor Farrah $5,000 sex advice – Reality Tea

Cut to Jabba the Trump’s b-hole tingling itself raw over a MAGA hat making an appearance in a locker room at many more Super Bowls to come – Celebitchy

Rest in peace, James Ingram – Just Jared

Pic: Wenn.com

On the last episode, my already-mangled tongue mangled the names of several Oscar nominees, so at this top of this show, I try to redeem myself by pronouncing their names right. Allison the mangles the hell out of my last name. Then we talk about the SAGs, which leads to Allison teaching me that “Girl Guide” is Canadian for “Girl Scout.” We move on to the Michael Jackson documentary, Prince Philip’s car crash, Lindsay Lohan’s triumphant return to the cinema, and Katie Price adopting a Nigerian child.

We end with giving our thoughts on Rent:Live and agreeing that it was a successful masterpiece (read: the opposite)!

You can listen to us on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. Subscribe and rate us if you haven’t already. And if you’ve got a tip, advice question, or want to bitch us out, e-mail us at: [email protected]!

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Whew, Daniel Radcliffe, lightning bolt-headed magic child, no. I am currently typing this post 10 minutes south of Boston, deep in the heart of Pats Nation so I’m in the know. And you don’t have to believe me but BELIEVE ME – you better fling a leg over your Quidditch broom and zoom your Hufflepuff whatever ass out of this dimension. Because Pats Nation is CRAY over the GOAT (aka New England Patriots golden boy Tom Brady) and they will come for you. These people don’t care that Tom Brady supports #Twitler. They wouldn’t care if he supported the actual Hitler! Tom Brady could be slapping puppies in the middle of Faneuil Hall wearing a BUILD THE WALL t-shirt while simultaneously doing all of their wives and heterosexual New England men would still be lining up to blow him. *crickets* Uh, yeah, Daniel Radcliffe called Tom Brady out for supporting Trump.

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Brand whores rejoice! Think you can’t be a fashion icon AND have yellow pit stains and a coffee/soup melange up and down the front of your crisp white tee? Think again! You can walk around with a clean white t-shirt for a minimum of 10 minutes before somebody walking by with a greasy croissant looks at you funny, while representing one of Italy’s most elite brands. On Farfetch, is a Hanes Beefy-T with a small Prada logo sewed onto it for the prohibitive price $410, guaranteeing you will be one of a very select group of assholes who own the new Prada logo piqué T-shirt. Go ahead, treat yourself!

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After a 4,598 year hiatus (or a little over a month if you want to be specific about it), we are back with a third co-host. Allison delivered a human bundle of baby and she joins us for the first part of this episode. We got rid of her for the second part, because she goo goo’d out lines that are a million times funnier and smarter than anything we could come up with and we were tired of her showing us up like that.

Allison and I get into the Oscar nominations from the snubs to the surprises to the predictions to me butchering name after name while angering my ancestors. We also say a few words about Chris Brown’s latest arrest, Anne Hathaway giving up booze for her kid, and the lavish dog funeral. We end with me asking Allison the question of 2019: Would you suck dick to get Evian into the Fyre Festival?

You can listen to us on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. Subscribe and rate us if you haven’t already. And if you have an important (or not important question) that you want answered, e-mail us at: [email protected]!

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Move over, Fiji Water Girl. Here cums Evian Dick Sucker!

As Mieka and C.J. have written about on this blog, Netflix and Hulu put out dueling documentaries on the flaming pile of millennial shit known as the Fyre Festival. Both docs show how imprisoned scammer Billy McFarland got way over his douche head and conned Bahamian locals, influencers, investors, and millennials with a musical festival that was supposed to be island luxury wrapped in hipster decadence, but turned out to be as luxurious as a dried-up cheese sandwich. Both docs are also getting shit on themselves, because Hulu paid Billy for his interview, and the Netflix one is produced by Jerry Media who helped promote Fyre Festival. With that being said, I’m sure that Netflix smugly declared that they won the Fyre Festival doc game when they saw footage of event producer Andy King admitting that he nearly sucked customs official dick for bottles of Evian. As someone who has been on a dick sucking date and only got tap water in a Denny’s mug, I’m looking at Andy like, “Oh you fancy huh?”

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