Lady CaCa says she wants to turn her suffocated pussay into a cherry picker and go a’pluckin’ in Jonas Land. During an interview with the Daily Star (via Press Association), the performance fartist said, “I love the Jonas Brothers, they’re very talented, I met them once, I’d like to have a foursome with them.”

Herm. I’m pretty sure that the moment one of the Jonas Brothers stuck their purity poles into Lady CaCa’s chocharonie would be God’s cue to hit the button. The world has suffered enough.

Although, maybe a Jonas/CaCa fuck party wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I mean, those three little twinkies would limp out of there with their Disney-owned nutsacks in one hand and their decapitated wangs in the other. No pro-creating for them! We all win.

But seriously, you know the Jonas Twinks have had more panty action than Lady CaCa. Purity schmurity.

No, this isn’t a pregnant Paul Pfeiffer from The Wonder Years leaving a Halloween party dressed as Emperor Palpatine. It’s your favorite boy-next-door Marilyn Manson with the most unfortunate shade of lipstick on. I didn’t know Bonnie Bell lipstick came in “Sloppy Joe Puke.” It does nothing for Marilyn’s cornstarch complexion.

Here’s Marilyn stumbling around London yesterday with Evan Rachel Wood. At least the paps claim that’s Evan Rachel Wood. She looks more like guvmunt cheeze version of Evan Rachel Wood to me. Maybe Marilyn got bored of cloning Dita Von Teese, so now he’s in the business of making ERW copies.

13-year-old Kavya Shivashankar of Olathe, Kansas beat out 11 finalists for the title of the greatest speller who ever spelled (under the age 14) at the Scripps National Spelling Bee last night. Kavya won $40,000 in cash and prizes as well as a giant trophy/fruit bowl/dust collector. This was Kavya’s fourth time at the bee and it will also be her last, because of her age.

The word that won it for Kavya was laodicean. Fun fact for a Friday: laodicean is how Paula Abdul spells Lidocaine when scribbling an order to her back alley pharmacist because her mouth is too numb to speak.

Watching the spelling bee is always entertaining. Especially if you partake in a little audience participation. I like to rev up the bong, sip on a little Franzia on ice and compete right along with these tiny geniuses. Last night, I didn’t get one word right. That’s really not a surprise to anyone who reads this blog. I mean, I traded my Speak & Spell for a She-Ra doll when I was little. There you go.

But I didn’t even come close last night. I even tried all the tricks! I wrote the word down on my arm with an air pen. I cupped my hands over my mouth and slowly sounded out the word. Even when they flashed the word on the screen, I still couldn’t spell it! Does Sylvan Learning Center host a nightly happy hour?

Anyspellingishard, congratulations to Kavya! She is not only a spelling genius, but she is also connoisseur of French cheeses!

The dolt who is suing Chris Brown and L.A. Fitness is the star witness for the defense thanks to this video shot right after the incident. Robert Rosen filed a lawsuit yesterday claiming Chris’ bodyguards and a gym employee caused him to fall down the stairs. Robert says that while he was lying on the ground, they beat his ass. They must have beat all the common sense out of his ass.

In the video, Robert seems as perky as a boner. Robert laughs it off to the paps and said that falling down the stairs was kind of his fault. Oh, well. It doesn’t look like money is going to rain all over Robert any time soon. At least he’s always have his looks. I wonder what the demand is for a third-rate Rob Estes impersonator?

Remember those paparazzi pictures from a while ago of Brit Brit with blended pussay raspberries all over her panties? If not, Google it, you dumb fuck, because I will not directly contribute to that fuckery before noon. Well, Tia Flujo Gorda visited Brit Brit yet again without RSVPing first.

A NOT-RIGHT source tells Page Six that Our Lady of Cheetos recently shot a spread for Elle Magazine and the lil’ possum tart didn’t come prepared. The source said, “They dressed her in all these beautiful couture clothes — and, well, let’s just say she forgot what time of the month it was. It wasn’t pretty.”

Okay, I’m sure it wasn’t that big of a deal. Sadly, most of us have seen it in pictures and some of you have even smelled it (WHY DID I TYPE THAT?). I’m sure it’s like Manwich anyway. They should’ve just poured it on a toasted bun, torched the dress and then moved on. NEXT!

Clare Werbeloff is the ho in Australia who became an overnight internet celebskank after a video her giving a witness account to a local shooting traveled around the world wide webz. In the clip, Clare dropped the word “wog” (which is a racial slur) so casually like it was part of her every day vocabulary. A quick minute after the video took off, a Facebook group devoted to Clare was born and some bitch started selling t-shirts were her sayings on them. Clare also had to get a publicist to deal with all the attention coming her way.

Well…..you can erase the bitch’s file from your brain’s hard drive, because that trick BAMBOOZLED the world! Clare didn’t witness the shooting in Sydney and she was spinning lies when she talked to the local news. The Police hos tell the Daily Telegraph that dumb fuck Clare admitted to lying.

The public is not amused by Clare’s joke. They didn’t appreciate her slapping them with her giant hoax dick. They have now turned on Clare! Clare’s older sister said that she’s afraid gang members are going to whoop her ass! HA!

So it looks like Clare’s big dream of becoming the next Delta Goodrem is officially died. Bitch will be lucky if she gets a gig co-hosting Tuesday nights with Corey Worthington at a bar on the outskirts of town where she’ll have to serve vodka and Vegemite shots off of her stomach.

Do you remember Corey Worthington? Exactly. Google the bitch’s name the word “irrelevant” pops up.

Source (Thanks Tanya)