Here’s Brad Pitt looking like he just laid down a few sharts in his diaper shorts and is trying to keep it together while he runs home to change. Yes, this is on the set of a movie. No, this is not on the set of the Fire Marshal Bill biopic – Lainey Gossip

Kanye West and Wiz Khalifa made up too. The secret to world peace has been solved! – Celebitchy

Hilary Duff and that Canadian brick head millionaire are now officially divorced – The Superficial 

Chemotherapy is no longer working for Big Ang so she has turned to cannabis oil to help her. Come on, cannabis oil, don’t let Big Ang down! – Reality Tea

Love Magazine may as well change their name to Love Kartrashians Magazine at this point – Drunken Stepfather 

Bill Cosby’s lawyer tried to get him out of the criminal case against him. It didn’t work – Jezebel

Vicky Jeudy’s nipple came out to say hi to Leonardo DiCatchAHo at the SAG Awards – The Nip Slip 

Excuse me while I take my Gaydar to the Geek Squad because it’s broke now. I will forward my bill to Tim Tebow – Towleroad

Alexandra Daddario looks like Valentine’s Day took a diarrhea on her – Popoholic

It is the end of days, because German’s finest rose is the wearing the most clothes she’s ever worn in her entire life – Hollywood Tuna 

But yet, Rihanna’s album still sold more than Rita Ora’s last album – IDLYITW

I hope JLo raised Casper the Friendly Gold Digger’s allowance for doing this mess – Popsugar

This Celebrity Big Brother gay kiss needs more tongue – OMG Blog

This is what Thor looks like as “the Janine” from Ghostbusters. I don’t know why he’s dressed like a gay receptionist, but I will say that he’s wearing way too many clothes – The Berry 

Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson’s 18-year-old surfer son took his shirt off for Saint Laurent – Just Jared

I don’t know what is going on here, but I do know that Kate Hudson is probably going to try to get on Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson’s 18-year-old son in 3..2… – SOW

Pic: FameFlynet 

The Hot Slut of 2015 crown hasn’t even fully settled on Eugene Bostick’s award-winning head and the Hot Slut of 2015 scepter (which yes, is just a giant, long dildo) hasn’t been delivered to his house yet, and we’re already beginning the long ass journey to find the Hot Slut who will inherit his crown. The search for the hottest Hot Slut of the Hot Sluts never ends, I guess.

Our first Hot Slut of the Month competition of 2016 was almost an all 80s fight to the glamorous death until future gold medal runner Ludivine ran in and joined. Just like last year, 3 of the HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes from those of you who hit that Facebook like button. The 4th finalist is a wild card picked by me. The Facebook like button must have been broken on her post, because Joan Collins didn’t get at least 45 billions likes. So she’s my pick, because if I didn’t pick her, I’d be going against my religion. Your choices for January’s HSOTM are:

Chic jeans – The denim wonders from the 80s that turned any pair of legs into pillars of piping hot sex and any ass into a mountain of pure hotness.

Ludivine – The hound dog from Alabama who just casually won 7th place in a half-marathon without training or even trying. I’m sure she’s just going to casually strut into Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, CA on Sunday and win the Super Bowl without even touching a damn football.

Malibu Musk – The fresh scent of the 80s that made you smell like you had just ran along the beach in Malibu in a bikini (or just ran through the perfume aisle of a drugstore).

Joan Collins – God.

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced on Monday, February 8th.

Just when we’re beginning to think that everyone is going to leave Marilyn Monroe alone and let her finally rest, they pull out her image again and use it for all sorts of things including peddling Snickers. We all know that Marilyn would never hawk some crap like Snickers. She’d only be the face of refined chocolate brands like Symphony and Russell Stover. But well, someone leased out her face to Snickers for their “You’re Not You When You’re Hungry” campaign. I’m not mad because it got Willem Dafoe in that Seven Year Itch dress and white panties.

Here’s Snickers’ Super Bowl commercial starring Willem Dafoe as a grouchy Marilyn Monroe. Don’t you even say that Willem needs to better his tuck game. No, he doesn’t. Willem’s tuck game gets an F and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And yes, yes, I’d hit it. Pull those panties to the side, Miss Willem Monroe!

UsWeekly says that after humping their way through 98% of the humans on Earth (I’m not good with math, so that number could actually be closer to 99%), Rita Ora and Gerard Butler humped on each other last month at a Hollywood hotel.

A source claims Gerard and Rita’s hookup began with “intimate dinner” together at the hotel’s restaurant before they took it upstairs. One person claims they “drank wine“, and that Rita gave Gerard a hug when he came back to their table after a break. Another person claims they heard Gerard’s penis whisper “Well, that’s it – that’s all the vaginas” before pulling out a tiny penis-sized typewriter and typing up its retirement speech.

Now, before you start getting forever fantasies about these two and daydreaming about how classy Rita Ora’s wedding would be, Gossip Cop is calling bullshit on UsWeekly’s story. They say that Gerard never rita’d her ora, and that there’s “no truth” to it all.

Who to believe, who to believe. On the one hand, it’s Gerard Butler, so even if he didn’t have sex with Rita Ora, he had sex with someone in that restaurant that night. On the other hand, who feels like fucking right after filling their gut with food and wine? They probably just went upstairs and shared a bottle of Pepto while Gerard asked her questions about her new album Anti.

If you’re still undecided, it might help to take a magnifying glass to these pictures of Gerard Butler at a Hugo Boss event in Spain earlier today and see if you can spot any of Rita Ora’s stray weave hairs stuck to his suit.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

When Amanda Bynes’ one-time face idol and Rob Kardashian’s only friend Blac Chyna got arrested at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport on Friday night for causing a booze-induced scene on a plane, cops found two ecstasy pills in a sunglasses case in her purse. Blac Chyna got hit with a felony drug possession charge on top of a public intoxication charge. Blac Chyna admits to being more drunk than me while babysitting (Reminder: Don’t ask me to babysit), but she says that the pills in her sunglasses case weren’t hers. They were the black kid’s pills! I can’t believe it’s 2016 and that Lindsay Lohan quote still takes up real estate in my brain.

TMZ says that the two pills were tested and cops discovered they were MDMA. Sources say that Blac Chyna swears on her Fix-A-Flat ass that the pills aren’t hers and she wouldn’t even know where to buy ecstasy pills from. Blac Chyna is suspicious, because she says that nowadays hos stick with MDMA powder and people no longer do pills. (“Ho, please” – some stuffed animal backpack-wearing 40-year-old raver who can’t let go of the 90s.)

Blac Chyna admits that she didn’t pack her own bags for her trip. Her assistants usually pack for her, but they weren’t there at the time. So somebody else packed her bags and she thinks that trick is responsible. She’s not naming names.

Sure, we can all pull out our Detective La Toya™ brand magnifying glass so we can get to the bottom of who packed Blac Chyna’s bag, but we don’t need to. It was obviously Pimp Mama Kris wearing a silicone FUPA, a whole lot of Dunkin’ Donuts perfume, a fake beard and amazing socks while in disguise as Rob Kardashian. But we do need to pull out our magnifying glass for a different reason. We need to pull it out to solve an even bigger mystery: Why in the hell does Blac Chyna have assistants?

Pics: Wenn.com

And now in salty bitches being salty bitches news. Noel Gallagher, a man who I’m pretty sure shares DNA with the phrase “Piss off“, recently spoke to British GQ (via Daily Mail) about humanity’s current favorite crooning feels-maker, Adele, and – surprise! – Noel Gallagher still doesn’t like Adele. The last time Noel was asked about Adele’s music, he channeled his inner *so edgy* 9th grader by sneering that it’s music for “fucking grannies.” This time, Noel Gallagher went even harder by confessing that Adele’s existence is such a pain in his ass that it ruins his breakfast.

“Adele? I’m not a fan. She always comes on the radio when I’m having my cornflakes: ‘Hello?’ No, fuck off!”

Cornflakes, eh? I always pictured Noel Gallagher ate a bowl of wood chips and popcorn kernels every morning to guarantee that he’d have something to complain about. You really do learn something new every day. Obviously my first reaction to Noel whining about Adele would be to tell him to get off his ass and change the radio station. But then I remembered that Adele is our supreme overlord, and it doesn’t matter how far you turn the dial in any direction, Adele’s voice will be on it. And turning off the radio won’t do any good, because there’s always going to be that neighbor who belts out the chorus from “Skyfall” in the shower like they’re auditioning for Bathroom Idol.

Speaking of reality shows, Noel also took a tight shit on reality competition television. You know, because he wouldn’t want to give Adele the satisfaction of being the sole recipient of all his hate this week.

“I’ve been offered the X Factor twice and – right after I left Oasis – Strictly Come Dancing. Just ee-fucking-magine.”

Just once I’d love to know what Noel Gallagher likes. What am I saying? Noel Gallagher likes nothing! If an airline ever loses Bianca Del Rio’s Rolodex of Hate, she could call up Noel Gallagher and ask if he’d consider subbing in as a replacement. Again, listen to me acting like Noel wouldn’t shout “Fuck off, I’ve got cornflakes to eat” before hanging up the phone.

Pic: Splash