Emilian Sava, the heroic sanitation worker who erased a giant snow dick in a Swedish town and replaced it with an even bigger snow dick!

Over the weekend, a peen-loving artiste (or artistes) risked their life (or lives) by going out onto a frozen moat in King’s Park in Gothenburg to create a gigantic masterpeen in the freshly fallen snow. The original snow drawing, which was most likely an ode to Alexander Skarsgard’s Swedish crotch sausage (I’m guessing that’s what they were going for), looked like this:

For reasons my dick-obsessed mind will never ever understand, some prude cock haters in Sweden did not appreciate that magnificent uncut peen with perky nuts on the ice. TheLocal.se (via Abroath) says that the HIGH ART haters demanded that park officials commit a vicious sin by erasing the snow dick. At first workers said that they couldn’t clean up that beautiful, beautiful dick portrait because the ice was too thin. They tried to do it with brooms but that didn’t work. The glorious snow dick was there to stay….. until sanitation workers were able to clean it up. The workers rubbed that big snow peen out (and not in a sexy way) and it was a sad, sad day for Sweden, Gothenburg and dick lovers. But then a Facebook group called “Restore The Snow Penis” set up a campaign to bring the abominable snow peen back to the moat in King’s Park. They cried that the snow dick must make its grand return for the sake of artistic freedom!

Emilian Sava, one of the dudes who helped with the cleanup, heard their cries and he and some of his co-workers made everyone’s big white dick dreams come true by re-creating it on an even grander scale. Emilian and his fellow snow dick saints made another peen that’s so gigantic it can’t be seen from the ground (see: the beautiful pic at the top). After giving the snow dick a penis enlargement, Emilian said this about the snow job to local newspaper GT:

“At least now no one can get offended by the penis. It can’t be seen from the ground, however, a helicopter pilot that flies over it can get a good laugh.”

Emilian is an artistic genius who somehow managed to make a work of art that is more brilliant than the original. It’s like “Ice Capades Presents… The Hammaconda On Ice!” If I lived in Gothenburg, I’d probably be in the ER with hypothermia of the b-hole, because I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to scoot all over that mega snow dick.

Pics: TheLocal/Emilian Sava, @bartlup

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Pic: Vanity Fair

Zac Efron gave Ellen DeGeneres an awkward lap dance on her show while dressed up like a middle-aged ~cool~ dad going to a club. If pretty pretty princess Zac Efron is trying to completely destroy whatever is left of those gay rumors by wearing black leather pants with white Chucks, I think he did it – Lainey Gossip 

I guess Jennifer Aniston has never seen Helen Mirren in a two piece – Celebitchy

Kim Kartrashian has announced that she’s been stuffing her mouth with a lot of meat. What else is new? – Reality Tea 

Here’s Demi Lovato in granny panties in Allure – Drunken Stepfather

Sarah Palin’s response to her son getting arrested for beating his girlfriend was, “THANKS, OBAMA!” – The Superficial

Jamie Lynn-Sigler has had MS for 15 years – IDLYITW

“How was your day of walking back and forth in front of the paps?” is probably the first question Hilary Duff’s housekeeper asks her when she gets home after a hard day of walking back and forth in front of the paps – Popoholic

Wait until Sam Smith learns about this brand new issue called the gender wage gap – Towleroad

Demure has a new name and it’s Pascal Craymer! – Hollywood Tuna 

Did I just watch a pug sex tape? (No, I’m not talking about a Tori Spelling sex tape.) – OMG Blog

Saint Cher on Jabba the Trump – Boy Culture

“Oranges, how do they work?” – the puppy in this video – The Berry 

Adele is performing at the Grammys – HuffPo

Finnick from The Hunger Games is a DILF now – Popsugar

But I’m sure 10 out of 10 college graduates agree that Judge Judy should be the only judge on the Supreme Court – SOW

Next month, Celine Dion will return to filling ears with her magical nightingale voice – Just Jared 

I always figured that morning show people skipped the coffee and went straight to the bad shit to make them unnaturally perky and awake, but I’d never guess that they’d be so bold to snort coke right there on the set in front of the cameras. HuffPo says that during a segment on the Slovakian morning show Teleráno, the camera cut to chef L’ubomír Herko in the on-set kitchen and caught him cutting lines of some suspicious white powder with a credit card. That must be a new way to prepare powdered sugar and he must sprinkle it on a dessert using that rolled up bill. It’s a new technique!

When Chef L’ubomír realized he got caught, he looked up and his glazed over eyes and do’h grin said it all:

The network that airs Teleráno said in a statement that it was a joke and it wasn’t not funny to them:

“We consider this a totally inappropriate joke that does not have (any place on our network). There will be consequences.”

Part of me thinks this is real and that chef’s signature dish is No Fucks Soufflé with a sprinkling of coke on top. The other part of me thinks this is a shameless stunt to try to get Charlie Sheen to move to Slovakia to be the new host of Teleráno.

YT via WOW Report 

After Amy Schumer’s HBO special happened, some people accused her of being the Beyonce of comedy, because they think that her bit about fuck acts was ripped straight from the late Patrice O’Neal’s act. Amy said at the time that she’s never seen Patrice’s bit and she didn’t rob a dead man of his jokes. Well, over the weekend, three comedians accused Amy of using their jokes in her HBO special, her show Inside Amy Schumer and her movie Trainwreck.

Comedians Tammy Pescatelli, Wendy Liebman and Kathleen Madigan all tweeted about how they’re over Amy Schumer Xerox’ing their jokes and using them for her own stuff. Refinery 29 says it all started when Wendy Liebman tweeted (and later deleted) about Amy doing one of her best jokes in her HBO special. Comedian Chuck Martin nudged at Wendy to talk to Kathleen Madigan since she also believes that Amy jacked her ass. Tammy also jumped in and tweeted that Amy is pretty much Carlos Mencia with tits (well, bigger tits).

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The matriarch of the fucked-up Simpson family turned 56 a couple of days ago, so her family (sans her ex Papa Joe) took her to Mexico where it looks like she did whatever I do when I’m in Mexico: suck down that tequila like a 9 inch dick.

Tina Simpson’s drunk ass has been posting pictures from the trip on Instagram including this one of her and her son-in-law Eric Somethingoranother getting into some wholesome fun. HuffPo points out that several of Mama Tina’s followers shook their heads at this picture and called it highly inappropriate. Um, do Mama Tina’s followers even know this family? A picture of Jessica Simpson’s husband using her mom’s pussy as a pillow while he presents his hole to the camera is considered G-rated in that family. If Papa “Grab-Ass” Joe was on that trip, that picture would look a whole lot different. We wouldn’t even know that Tina was in it, because Papa Joe would be blocking her while sitting on Eric’s thumb.

Tina also posted this picture of her with her other son-in-law Evan Ross:

Now that picture really offends me on every level. No, not because of their pose. But because Evan Ross still has that busted Batman logo goatee on his face.