I was expecting throbbing bass but all I got was a short splat and what sounded like snoring. – Shane Yorston

Upvote winner:

They fit nicely inside ear muffs. – Cookiemonster

Pic: Izismile

Adam Lindin Ljungkvist, the farting footballer who was pooted out of a game for farting!

This week’s theme is turning out to be footballers blowing hot air. First, ball-kicking piece of muscled-up charred bacon Crispy Ronaldo blew hot air by throwing a reporter’s mic into the lake, and now here’s a Swedish footballer who got red carded for butt queefing during a match. The Guardian brings us this highly important fart news about a player for Pershagen SK who was kicked out of a game against Jarna SK’s reserves because the referee didn’t like what was coming out of his ass.

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Chico DeBarge (50)
Connor Jessup (22)
Anna Duggar (28)
Duffy (32)
Melissa Rauch (36)
Memphis Bleek (38)
Jason Mraz (39)
Aaron Ruell (40)
Emmanuelle Vaugier (40)
KT Tunstall (41)
Joel Edgerton (42)
Selma Blair (44)
DJ Perry (46)
Joss Whedon (52)
Frances McDormand (59)
Glenn Danzig (61)
Randy Jackson (60)
Bryan Brown (69)

Goopy Paltrow still hasn’t consciously uncoupled from talking about her conscious uncoupling – Lainey Gossip 

The mom of Justin Theroux’s ex says that his world and Jennifer Aniston’s world is full of darkness and they’re acting out that darkness. I didn’t know that the mom of Justin Theroux’s ex is God Warrior – Celebitchy

Kenya Moore denies going full Kenya Moore on the set of some show – Reality Tea 

Bella Thorne served up some 70s soft-core porn star realness in Galore magazine – Drunken Stepfather

Nico Tortorella goes wherever his peen takes him – Towleroad

I want to listen to Alexander Skarsgard talk at length about a hard, loaded weapon, but this is not what I had in mind  – The Superficial 

Martha Stewart was better off not knowing the name of the wonk-eyed algae eater who is usually stuck to Kim Kartrashian’s asshole – Jezebel

Lea Michele did topless yoga – Egotastic

David Duchovny smeared peanut butter on his mug and let his dog lick it off in the name of charity! – SOW

Peg Bundy definitely wore that dress first and she definitely wore it better – Hollywood Tuna 

Lea Michele is coming for Jennifer Aniston’s Smart Water contract, I see. And I can’t believe this Crumbs has links to two Lea Michele posts. What year is this? – Popoholic

What many people make in a year, Drake lost by betting on some basketball game – IDLYITW

More proof that Emma Stone is in goddamn everything – Pajiba

Break out the baby bottles full of barley water! Scientology has a new young mind to try and brainwash – Popsugar

What in Chess King circa 1989 HELL is Ricky Martin wearing? – Just Jared

Pic: Getty

The “Bitches Of The Moment” feud all started when Rebecca Romjin Lettuce said Instagram tricks turned models aren’t true supermodels (she later cried clickbait). Stephanie Seymour then said that the term “supermodel” is a thing of the past and that Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid are more like “bitches of the moment.” Kendall Jenner called Stephanie Seymour a “cyberbully.” Gigi Hadid hasn’t really said anything (emojis don’t count!) but her mom Yolanda Foster has, which is just embarrassing. Gigi is definitely no supermodel because no supermodel lets her mommy defend her. And now, Tyra Banks has finally piped in and is using this dumb feud to talk about the strength of Tyra Banks!

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Just remember: only six weeks until Suicide Squad is finally released and we can say goodbye to the endless reminders that Jared Leto is the most-committed method actor in the history of method acting. But until then, here’s another story about how Jared Leto’s crazy made people nervous on the set of Suicide Squad.

We already know that Jared Leto’s version of The Joker sounds like what you’d get if Mrs. Claus slipped some bath salts in Santa’s hot cocoa; he was constantly giving the cast fucked up presents, like a live rat, a dead pig, and used condoms. It really freaked his co-stars out including Viola Davis, who along with Will Smith, received a box of bullets from Jared. She admitted to E! News that “The Joker’s” gift scared her a bit and she almost pulled out pepper spray when meeting him the first time.

“It was a little worrisome. It made you a little bit nervous and I’m pretty tough. You know I got into a few fights when I was growing up…but it scared me a little bit. Before that I was only introduced to The Joker…and I almost had my pepper spray out. You know, ‘You remember that bullet you sent me?'”

In case you’re not familiar, The Joker became The Joker by falling into a vat of chemicals. So I bet Jared is still so pissed off that Viola didn’t spray a load in his face. “How rude. I had been begging the producers to administer real chemical burns for weeks. Like, was I not clear enough with the used condoms? I take this shit very seriously.”

Here’s Jared arriving at a Gucci show in Milan on Monday. Jared stopped filming Suicide Squad months ago, but apparently that hasn’t stopped him from once again dressing like Harley Quinn’s douchey half-brother, Ducati Quinn.

Pics: Wenn.com