Puppy-saving human Redwood tree trunk The Rock dropped a beautiful blind item on Instagram yesterday when he went in on a chicken shit actor (or actors) who pissed him off more than seeing a number higher than 7% on a body fat calculator does. The Rock is finishing up shooting the 133,459th Fast & Furious movie, and in his goodbye note on Instagram, he praised his lady-co stars and also praised a few of his dude co-stars before taking an angry shit on unprofessional candy asses. And when The Rock shits on you, it leaves a bruise, because his turds have 12-packs and biceps.

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The good news is we’re talking about Saturday Night Live drama. The bad news is it’s no where near as juicy as Toonces getting a DUI or Dooneese shopping around a solo sex tape called One Night in the Finger Lakes. But it’s still a little dramatic, so I’m on board. If I learned anything from reading Jay Mohr’s memoirs (don’t judge me) about his time on SNL, it’s that cast members spend their summer break wondering if they’ll be coming back in the fall. Apparently signing a 7-year contract means nothing at SNL, because Lorne Michaels can end it if he wants. That happened most recently to Taran Killam and Jay Pharoah. But unlike former cast members who dropped a “fuck“ on live TV, Taran didn’t really see this coming.

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Last night, Michael linked to some pictures of former Playboy Mansion clean-up girl Holly Madison looking beyond pregnant. It was as if she fell into some time hole and her baby instantly aged 3 years inside of her. I was starting to get worried that Holly was going to have to start shoving some early learning books up there so that her kid knows how to read when it finally emerges from her body as an adult. But I can stop worrying about such an insane situation, because Holly finally gave birth.

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We’ve seen how they tap trees for maple syrup, now we know how they get chocolate syrup. – befuddled

Upvote winner:

Look… I said I needed some toiletries not toilet trees. – Manimal

Pic: Break

Steele Johnson!

20-year-old American diver Steele Johnson (actual born name: Steele Johnson) and his 27-year-old diving partner David Boudia won the silver in 10-meter synchro diving at the Olympics yesterday, and to Twitter and beyond, he also won the silver in having the best fucking name ever. (Sorry, but the gold in that category will forever belong to Butt & Fuchs.)

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