Category: THIRSTAY

Netflix Had To Tell Messes To Stop Lusting After A Serial Killer

January 30, 2019 / Posted by:

Thanks to things like Dateline and the My Favorite Murder podcast, we’ve known America is here for true-crime stories and serial killers to scare the living daylights out of us when we’re on a stroll and needing to pass time before the dog poops. The true-crime nightmare-inducer du jour is Netflix’s Conversations With A Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes. It’s a docuseries about Ted, a serial killer who confessed to 30 murders (and the actual number is likely higher); alas, this is America, and we can’t have nice things. People who have watched the docuseries are zeroing in on how “hot” Ted is, and Netflix would like them to cut it out. Continue reading

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Cardi B Thinks People Are Prudes For Clutching Their Pearls Over That Instagram “Fingering”

August 27, 2018 / Posted by:

Cardi B hasn’t exactly been quiet about how she’s suffering from postpartum THIRST for the D ever since giving birth six weeks ago to daughter Kulture Kiari with husband and Migos rapper Offset. If you peruse her Twitter, it’s been filled with a countdown to when her vagina is healed enough from the doctor-recommended six weeks on drydock before making a return to pound town. Well, she dropped a video on Instagram over the weekendand it had everyone split between clutching their pearls and grabbing their magnifying glasses to try and figure out if they were seeing an actual case of flicking the bean (kinda NSFW after the jump).

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A Teen Girl Allegedly Snapped Her Retainer Lusting After Michael B. Jordan In “Black Panther”

March 7, 2018 / Posted by:

I ended up falling right into Marvel’s thirst trap, just like the every other horny ho I know, when I finally took my ass to see Black Panther. While Danai Gurira is the one that had me siding a few notches sideways on the Kinsey Scale, I was not immune to the particular charms of Michael B. Jordan and his perfectly swole pectorals. Even my 70-year-old auntie came to me in a flush asking where that sexy young man with the bumps on his chest came from and where could she see more of him. So I’m not surprised that Michael has been causing high school children’s hormones to act a fool. One girl allegedly got so hot and bothered, she bit down so hard she snapped her retainer!

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Open Post: Hosted By Diet Coke’s New Millennial Bait

January 10, 2018 / Posted by:

The only thing people up here in Boston love more than a laaaahge Dunkin iced coffee and a scratch-off to go with a morning cigg is a flavored fizzy water, and apparently Millennials are also into that shit (minus the smokes, scratchies, and Dunkies). Diet Coke is taking note, which is why those cans are getting a new lewk and getting more flavors – La Croix, call a lawyer! This is some Single White Female shit! Continue reading

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The Game Is Still Writing Hashtag Erotica And Showing Off His Junk On Instagram

November 14, 2015 / Posted by:

You may remember (“How could I forget?” said everyone who still has the image of The Game’s giant party sub dick seared into their retinas) that two weeks ago, rapper-turned-aspiring fuck prose artiste The Game posted a picture of himself in his underwear to Instagram with a wall of nasty hashtags. Well, I have good news for those of you who looked at The Game’s lycra-wrapped bulge and yelled: “MORE! I DEMAND MORE!!!”; it looks like this is going to be a weekly thing now.

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Tom Selleck Accused Of Stealing Water From A California Fire Hydrant

July 8, 2015 / Posted by:

The Calleguas Municipal Water District in Southern California has tossed a lawsuit into the lap of Tom Selleck for allegedly committing several acts of water thievery since 2013. Tom and his wife Jillie Mack are accused of stealing thousands of gallons of water from a fire hydrant near a construction site in Thousands Oaks, CA and transporting that stolen agua to his 60-acre ranch and avocado farm in the Hidden Valley area. This case is way too low-on-the-ladder for Detective La Toya, so this is a case for Magnum P.I.! Oh wait, Tom is Magnum P.I. This is a case for Jessica Fletcher! Water, he stole.

Courthouse News Service (via THR) says that in the court documents, the water district claims that a commercial truck sucked water out of that fire hydrant and drove it back to Chateau de Stache a total of 12 times in the span of 18 months. The water district says that the truck stole water 7 times from September 2013 to October 2013. In November 2013, they wanted Tom to stop stealing water, so they sent cease-and-desist letters to both of his homes in Southern California. Those letters did nothing to stop Tom’s alleged water snatching ways. They claim the truck went back to drink free water from the hydrant 5 more times: 1 time in December 2013 and 4 times in March 2015.

I know you’re wondering what the fire hydrant that Tom stuck his hose in looks like, so thankfully, The Daily Mail got a picture of it from Google.

tomselleckstealing

The water district paid a private investigator $21,685.55 to track and document Tom’s water-looting truck. They want Tom to pay them back and they’re also demanding that he pay court fees, attorney costs and other damages to be determined.

Tom Selleck hasn’t said anything about this yet, but I’m sure he has a really good explanation for stealing water IN THIS DROUGHT (which is the new “IN THIS ECONOMY.”) It must take a whole lot of water to keep the majestic grand lawn above his mouth thick and luxurious. If all of us in California turn to dust due to this drought, it’s okay as long as Tom Selleck’s national treasure stache and brows stay lush and gorgeous.

Pics: Google, Wenn.com

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