Category: Chace Crawford
Open Post: Hosted By Chace Crawford’s Latest Thirst Trap
Spotted: Chace Crawford has made an impromptu appearance via the interwebs, reminding us that although it ain’t 2006 anymore, he’s still as tasty and delicious as he was during his Gossip Girl days. Of course, he’s been on the show The Boys for a few years, but none of that matters. He will always be Nate Archibald from Gossip Girl to all of us. And it’s nice to see him doing his very best at reminding us he has abs and furry tits by posting a brand new thirst trap for all of his Instagram followers.
Chace Crawford Said He Got A Lot Of Weird DMs Over That Bulge Pic
Pretty boy Chace Crawford found himself a post-Gossip Girl career resurgence this year with his role as aquatic superhero The Deep in Amazon’s comic-book satire series The Boys. As a jokey promo, Amazon sent out The Boys-themed calendars to the press which only featured Chace’s character. And Chace’s character’s dickprint. The Deep wears some pretty clingy superhero spandex and Chace is packing. OR IS HE?
Chace Crawford Showed Off Both Of His Heads
Up and to the right. We finally have a definitive answer to a question Chace Crawford has probably been asked a million times in his life. Nobody should be asking Chace “how’s it hanging?” anymore. Asked and answered! Chace is on the new Amazon show The Boys and plays an Aquaman type superhero called The Deep (so deep, so deep he’ll put your ass to sleep). Amazon sent out a bunch of press packages which included a promotional calendar. In one of the photos, Chace appears in his skin tight aquasuit, and Page Six says somebody “forgot” to Photoshop out his Aquaham. In other words in this press package, his package is pressing his thigh.
What In The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This?
If the fringe curtain that hangs over my cousin’s bedroom doorway and the grease-stained old chinoise wallpaper in my grandma’s kitchen were used to make a costume for a chorus skater in an Ice Capades version of The World of Suzie Wong, it would look like the mess Blake Lively wore to Gossip Girl’s 100 episode party in NYC last night. That shit is made of so much fug that there’s no way you could find one ho who would gladly use it to floss her twat. But there’s Blake trying to sell that fug dress like a Tijuana child selling a box of chicles.
My favorite part is how Blake’s actually doing the “hand on hip, sway back” pose. THIS BITCH would do a basic pose you learn your first day at that piece of amateur shit modeling school John Robert Powers (I can say this as an alumni of JRP’s rival school Barbizon). Fall back all the way, Blake, because you ain’t doing the pose, the pose is doing you.
And here’s a few other messes from last night’s party including: Leighton Meester, the most beautiful woman there Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick (who is prune-ing till he makes it), Penn Badgley, Hooker Megan from Melrose Place with Matthew Settle and Michelle Trachtenberg.
Tony Romo Beat Jessica Simpson To The Altar
Somewhere in California, Papa Joe Simpson is furiously gluing the beads on Jessica Simpson’s bridal pasties while yelling at the team from Spanx to make her wedding dress faster, because he needs to marry off his daughter in the next few days so that she gets the cover of all the magazines and Tony Romo doesn’t! As Jessica bawled into a bowl of cake soup, her ex-boyfriend Tony Romo married Chace Crawford’s sister Candice in front of 600 people in Dallas, TX yesterday. Yes, a professional football player married a pageant queen turned news anchor in Texas. The theme of the wedding was obviously: STEREOTYPES! I hope Candice loves a mug full of chardonnay in the morning, because ho is a Kathie Lee Gifford in-the-making.
People reports that after Tony took at least 20 minutes to lift the veil over his bride’s head (it took about 19 minutes to clear her forehead) for their wedding kiss, their guests ate short ribs and pizza in the reception tent. The guests also got a gift bag that included: a Neiman Marcus gift card, assorted treats from Great One Cookies, a Mix of the Month CD by DJ Lucy Wrubel, a miniature bottle of Moet champagne, a box of Dude Sweet Chocolates, gourmet popcorn, chips and salsa, “Killer Pecans” from Bandera Foods, Voss bottled water, and an assortment of Kiehl’s beauty and body products.
That gift bag is pretty fitting, because I’m sure that last night Jessica’s gold digging fiance Eric Johnson used her Neiman Marcus credit card to buy canary diamond cuff links while she sat in the changing room, dipping tear-stained cookies into champagne and salsa.
I can’t wait to see the pictures of Chace Crawford throwing precious flutters with his eyes down the aisle. Who needs a flower girl when you’ve got Chace Crawford?
Another One Of Jessica Simpson’s Exes Is Getting Married
Tony Romo, whose name always makes me crave ribs and lemon-scented moisties, has joined the race to the altar with his girlfriend Candice Crawford (the pretty princess on the left), sister of Chace Crawford (the PRETTIER princess on the right). People reports that Tony and Candice have put on their hitchin’ sneakers and lined up next to Jessica Simpson (and her dude) and Nick Lachey (and his chick) at the wedding starting line. Boom.
30-year-old Tony proposed to 24-year-old Candice during her birthday party at Five Sixty Restaurant in Dallas, TX last night. This is some SHOTS fired shit, because Tony proposed to Candice on her birfday and dumped Jessica on hers. If you think that’s a slight drop kick to Jessica’s fupa, here’s the ring Tony slipped on Candice’s finger. It’s almost as big as the stone that just formed in Papa Joe’s kidney from stressing out about getting his daughter to a “Weez Married” cover of OK! Magazine first.
But Papa Joe shouldn’t even try, because I have a feeling that John Mayer is going to beat all those bitches. Don’t be surprised if you see the headline: “John Mayer marries Dane Cook in a beautiful Iowa ceremony.” Double fucking whammy.