Porn star and presidential irritant Stormy Daniels popped up during the cold open on Saturday Night Live last night. Stormy is POTUS’ current least favorite person and SNL knows that there’s nothing in the world more funzies than pissing off our humorless egomaniac of a president. So they had her pop up during a Trump sketch amidst a cavalcade of guest stars including Ben Stiller as Trump’s praying-for-death attorney Michael Cohen, Martin Short as Trump’s ethically challenged (and crazy as hell) physician Dr. Harold Bornstein, Scarlett Johansson reprising her Ivanka Trump, and Jimmy Fallon as Ivanka’s husband Jared Kushner. SNL’s MVP Kate McKinnon also debuted a startlingly accurate impression of gabby Trump hanger-on Rudy Guiliani, who continues to deplete all of the goodwill he inspired during 9/11.
Shake out those wrists and crack your knuckles, it’s time for another game of Tweet Fighter! Last time we played, Donald Trump get owned by Alec Baldwin. This time, it’s the president’s alleged mistress vs. the president’s favorite TV mom.
Is it just me or is Michael Avenatti getting hotter by the day? Maybe it’s because he’s always telling me what I want to hear. Last night during a CNN Tonight interview, Avenatti The Hottie said that in the wake of Rudy Giuliani‘s surprising revelation that Donald Trump did in fact (though he’s on the record swearing he didn’t) pay Michael Cohen back for the Stormy Daniels hush fund, the president could be in some serious, term-ending trouble. According to ATH, it’s time to put the hors d’oeuvres and pre-dinner joints away, because Trump’s goose is cooked and it’s time to eat!
The hits just keep coming for Donald Trump this week. All he wants to do is kick back and call his pals at Fox & Friends for another awkward gossip sesh, and instead he’s got to deal with Sarah Huckabee Sanders smearing her signature smoky grey eye shadow on his shoulder while she cries over meanie Michelle Wolf, and another lawsuit. Luckily for him, the lawsuit is from Stormy Daniels, so he kind of already knows what it’s going to be about. No pesky reading and comprehending for him!
Pack up your show and head down to the unemployment line, Tyra Banks, because the real ANTM is Stormy Daniels. Instead, in her case, ANTM stands for Another Naked Tattling Mistress, because not only is she about to show the world her MILF tits and ass once again in Penthouse, she’s also going to expose more details about her alleged 2006 Aqua Net and Cheeto-scented bang-fest with YOUR president Donald Trump.
Donald Trump definitely spent 90% of his morning and afternoon (okay, 100% of his morning and afternoon) sounding out the words while writing, “invoise 2 Stormee Danyulls: one millyun dollers 4 openeneng up yr hor mouf on tevees,” on his presidential stationary today. Because Stormy Daniels violates the NDA she signed with Trump every time she publicly talks about their alleged one-night fuck. And she earned herself another $1 million violation today when she talked about it on The View with her panty cream-inducing stubble head lawyer Michael Avenatti.
Stormy didn’t really say anything she hadn’t already said on 60 Minutes, but she did bring the pecking hens of The View something new. She brought them a sketch of the goon she claims threatened her and her daughter. The sketch has got the internet playing a big ole’ game of Harpo, Who Dis Goon?