Stormy Daniels owes Michael Avenatti a great, big “I told you so” because she’s just been ordered to pay nearly $300,000 of Donald Trump’s legal fees for that defamation lawsuit he talked her into filing. While this ruling has no bearing whatsoever on her primary NDA lawsuit against Trump, you still know it’s something Trump’s gonna be congratulating himself for, and maybe we should give it to him since he’s having such a bad day. Michael Cohen was sentenced to 3 years in prison today. Stormy lost the defamation suit in October, but because of the nature of the suit, the plaintiff is required by Texas law to pay the defendant’s legal fees. So yes, it’s technically a loss, but the judge also stated that Trump’s lawyers overcharged, so the amount requested was reduced. Maybe they’ll let her pay it to Cohen’s prison commissary account.
When Stormy Daniels refused to let Trump and his goons label her as a lie-telling whore (“I’m a truth-telling whore, thankyouverymuch” is probably what Stormy would say), she teamed up with lawyer Michael Avenatti and the two became a talk show wet dream team who furiously worked the circuit in the name of Justice4Stormy. They stuck together through bad times (like when Stormy was arrested in a shady sting for doing what Stormy does at a strip club) and disgusting times (like when Stormy made all of us spit out the deep fried mushrooms we were eating by saying that Trump’s dick look like it should be wearing a blue and gold vest and a too-tight diaper). But it looks like the legal honeymoon may be over.
Michael Avanatti, full of hubris and wielding a huge power boner, has flown too close to the sun and, allegedly, punched it in the face. Avanatti The Got Caughtti (I’m grieving, cut me some slack!) was arrested for felony domestic abuse on Wednesday. According to TMZ, Michael is accused of laying hands on a woman on Tuesday, and was arrested on Wednesday after his alleged victim (who is not his estranged wife, as was originally reported) caused a scene in front of a luxury apartment complex in the Century City neighborhood in Los Angeles.
It looks like this week is shaping up to be just as good as last week for Donald Trump. Last week, for the first time in a very long time, he wasn’t the loudest, most obnoxious windbag in the room. This week, we’re learning that a judge has dismissed one of Stormy Daniels’ (or “Horseface” as he calls her) lawsuits that she filed against her one-time hookup.
When it comes time for us gays to be thrown into the camps, Jabba the Trump better give me the middle bunk between Ricky Martin and his hot piece of a husband for copy and pasting a Mario Kart Mushroom that is six times bigger than what Stormy Daniels claims he’s working with for real.
“Mario Kart” has been trending all day today, and at first I figured it was because there’s a new game, or it’s the anniversary of that shit, or maybe Super Mario was killed off in a tragic kart accident. It’s a billion times worse than the last one. “Where were you the day you clicked on Mario Kart on Twitter” is the moment that will haunt us all thanks to Stormy Daniels’ evil ass.
Suddenly, all those Anna Wintour leaving Vogue rumors make sense. I’m sure she spent most of the summer with smelling salts and a pint of Chunky Monkey at her Long Island retreat after reading the first draft of reporter Amy Chozick’s sit-down with Stormy Daniels and Michael Avenatti. How DARE Amy corrupt and singe Anna’s eyes and the reputation of Vogue with the filth and smut of a black lacquered striptease stage in northern Wisconsin?! Eh, the sex stuff…I’m sure Anna’s read a lot worse. Anyway, Stormy talked…and talked and talked about her time with Donald Trump, and well…let’s just say it gives a whole new meaning to “brief” encounter.