When it comes time for us gays to be thrown into the camps, Jabba the Trump better give me the middle bunk between Ricky Martin and his hot piece of a husband for copy and pasting a Mario Kart Mushroom that is six times bigger than what Stormy Daniels claims he’s working with for real.
“Mario Kart” has been trending all day today, and at first I figured it was because there’s a new game, or it’s the anniversary of that shit, or maybe Super Mario was killed off in a tragic kart accident. It’s a billion times worse than the last one. “Where were you the day you clicked on Mario Kart on Twitter” is the moment that will haunt us all thanks to Stormy Daniels’ evil ass.
Suddenly, all those Anna Wintour leaving Vogue rumors make sense. I’m sure she spent most of the summer with smelling salts and a pint of Chunky Monkey at her Long Island retreat after reading the first draft of reporter Amy Chozick’s sit-down with Stormy Daniels and Michael Avenatti. How DARE Amy corrupt and singe Anna’s eyes and the reputation of Vogue with the filth and smut of a black lacquered striptease stage in northern Wisconsin?! Eh, the sex stuff…I’m sure Anna’s read a lot worse. Anyway, Stormy talked…and talked and talked about her time with Donald Trump, and well…let’s just say it gives a whole new meaning to “brief” encounter.
Looks like Celebrity Big Brother UK just lost it’s biggest star which, for a show with the same prestige as the featured artist at a dive bar with no signage on the outside, is saying a lot. Deadline is reporting that THE Stormy Daniels has pulled out of the show at the last minute.
Stormy showed up to the UK to be a part of the month-long shoot, potentially having agreed to an initial fee of close to $1 million. For someone who fucked Donald Trump I approve of her getting a million. That’s a trauma from which only money can save you. Things didn’t end up shaking out that way, and she agreed to a measly $250, 000 for a full week of work. After Stormy did some preliminary taping, she ended up refusing to enter the house after “failing to agree to terms”. They probably asked her to describe Trump’s sexual activities in-depth and she refused to scar the people of the UK with such information. Good for you Stormy! Keep doing the lord’s work!
Two weeks ago, Stormy Daniels was arrested while performing at Sirens strip club in Columbus, Ohio for mutual motorboating of a female strip club patron, who later turned out to be an undercover cop. Ohio has a very strict no-touching rule when it comes to strippers. The charges were dismissed 12 hours later, as Stormy isn’t an Ohio stripper, but a guest from out of town.
Not long after Stormy’s arrest, Michael Avenatti accused the Columbus Police Department of setting up a sting. A source told TMZ that Michael was on the right track, and that Stormy had been targeted. The Fayette Advocate now says they’ve been contacted by a whistleblower from the City of Columbus, who provided them with emails proving Stormy was set up.
It’s no secret that James Woods loves running his mouth off on Twitter (it’s how he recently found himself without an agent). He also loves Donald Trump. So James was very upset when the people of London, England greeted Trump with a giant orange baby balloon on Friday. Lawyer for Stormy Daniels, enemy of Trump, and the internet’s favorite legal hunk Michael Avenatti happened to be in London during Trump’s visit and spoke live with BBC News. I would have figured that James Woods was the type who owned a special TV that played only Fox News and The Hard Way, but apparently James also gets BBC News.
Stormy Daniels Was Arrested At An Ohio Strip Club For Allegedly Letting An Undercover Cop Motorboat Her (UPDATE)
UPDATE: All the charges against Stormy have been dropped, because the Ohio law is only meant for regular strip club strippers. Stormy was a featured guest dancer. The judge already threw the charges out, and that’s that. Poor “Deric Dump” (see my “joke” below) had to bruise his one brain cell by trying to figure out how to call the cops in Columbus for nothing! The cops also claim that they weren’t targeting Stormy. They were there to look into complaints of drugs and hooking.
Here’s the original story:
The shit Stormy Daniels was put into handcuffs for may have been stupid and a complete waste of everyone’s time, but at least she brought it in her mug shot, and gave that camera heaping servings of beauty, glamour, and intrigue with that yellow-haired Jaqueline Smith Charlie’s Angels seasons 1 hair and those smoky vengeance eyes. Stormy really needs to do a YouTube beauty tutorial showing us how to paint your face up so it remains stunning even under the harsh beauty-hating lighting of a police station.
CNN says that Stormy Daniels, the porn star and one-time fuck partner of Donald Trump (as in, they only fucked once) who is suing him for defamation, was arrested late last night at Sirens strip club in Columbus, OH for letting a customer touch her. The customer happened to be an undercover cop named Officer Mary Prather. Stormy is accused of touching Officer Mary’s ass and breasts before motorboating her. Ohio law states that a stripper who gets naked or semi-naked can only touch a customer if they’re related to that customer. Jabba the Trump is definitely cackling over one of his many rivals getting arrested, but he’s also making a mental note that if for some reason Ivanka has to become a stripper, she needs to do so in Ohio.