Because pure cynicism constantly runs through my veins, I guessed that Seth Meyers hired actors to play firefighters and had set designers do a hospital delivery room up as an apartment building lobby just so that he could have a crazy story to tell about the birth of his second kid. But I don’t think that anymore, because that is the genuine look of a woman who’s thinking, “A human baby was just pulled out of my body on the damn floor of a damn apartment building lobby and you think this is a good time for a motherfucking selfie, you bastard.”
If Debra Messing’s red carpet roasting of the E! Network was any indication of how the 75th annual Golden Globe Awards was going to go, then host Seth Meyers confirmed it with his opening monologue. Normally it’s the actors and actresses in the audience who get lit at the Golden Globes. But this year the creeps watching from the comfort of their couch at home (or current sex rehab) were the ones getting lit up. Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey in particular got lit up the hardest, with a little side-dig at Woody Allen.
There’s very few things that could make me appreciate the wig-patting simper of Jimmy Fallon. This isn’t one of those things. Fortunately, Seth Meyers passes muster, and he offset his former co-worker’s presence last night on Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday.
Shocker! Speaking of lack of original ideas, I was about to make a joke about how The Munsters was some bootleg version of the Addams Family, but apparently it only started six days after those Goth hussies first aired… and in the same week as Bewitched! I mean, Lyndon Johnson was in office, and he did resemble Grandpa Munster… and Lurch in certain light… and Endora if he wore a wig. Ok, I’ll stop.
Anywho, nothing is new at NBC these days, and Variety reports The Munsters reboot will take place in hipster Brooklyn. Because nothing is more monstrous than seeing an investment banker who lives in a Park Slope brownstone and dresses like Margaret Atwood flinging her latte in the face of a barista, because she asked for hemp milk not almond milk, thankyewverymuch. Oh, that’s not the show they meant? My B.
Not a lot of details are out, but Seth Meyers is one of the executive producers, and considering how dim the creative team seems at the channel lately, I’m sure some boob who takes everything so literal was like, “He works late… vampire… we just got our next reboot!” All these revivals are giving me a case of the Zzzzz’s… except… At the rate Nicole Kidman keeps applying SPF 90 on, I assume she’s planning for the starring role in the Casper The Friendly Ghost reboot. Now THAT I will see!
Full House nostalgia is so hot right now. First Netflix gives us the sitcom reboot nobody but Comet the Dog’s desperate out-of-work ass should have been asking for (but that ended up fully satisfying our cheese tooth), Fuller House. Then Stephanie Tanner gets the opportunity to bust out her sweet Motown Philly moves on Dancing with the Stars. Now Seth Meyers and his wife Alexi Ashe have gone ahead and taken it from nostalgia to full-blown Full House obsession by naming their three-day-old son Ashe Olsen. When will it end? When Michael K sells Dlisted so he can move to Las Vegas and pursue his life-long dream of becoming Legends in Concert’s first Kimmy Gibbler impersonator? No, of course not. There can only be one Kimmy Gibbler.
Okay, so Seth didn’t actually name his baby after 1/2 of the Olsen Twins. But he does understand that his new baby’s name is basically two letters away from “Ashley Olsen.” Seth told the story of his son’s name on Late Night with Seth Meyers on Tuesday night. According to Seth, they named their baby Ashe in honor of his wife (Ashe is his wife’s last name), and Olsen, which is his mama’s maiden name. And it’s definitely not an Ashley Olsen thing, because Seth is more of a Mary-Kate. It all happens at the 5:56 mark below.
As long as Pokemon is still a thing by the time Baby Ashe goes to school, I feel like the majority of schoolyard jokes about his name will probably be about trying to catch them all. But I am confident Ashe Olsen’s name will one day work to his advantage. Imagine if Mary-Kate and Ashley decide to expand their billion-dollar empire to include $1,200 designer cigarettes? There’s a good chance they’re going to want the rights to the name Ash by Olsen, and you know they’ll pay top dollar for the naming rights to their favorite accessory.
It says everything when soulless grand dame of the Death Eaters, Anna Wintour, would rather pay attention to a human child than pay attention to the ~fashuns~ in front of her. To Anna Wintour, North West is like a cat at a boring party. She’s so happy that child is there to distract her from the dumb, boring shit going on around her. Mark this day as the first day in history when Anna Wintour is happy to see a child she isn’t about to suck the life out of.
Kanye West wasn’t supposed to butt squirt out his latest collection of overpriced post-apocalyptic rags for Adidas during New York Fashion Week, but since his throbbing pus-filled ego will deflate if he doesn’t take every opportunity to get as much attention as possible, he decided at the last-minute to do a show. Two designers who were scheduled to show at the same time Kanye suddenly decided to show weren’t happy, because they knew he would overshadow them. One designer decided to show anyway and the other rescheduled.
I don’t know why those designers are bitching. They need to shut the hell up and be thankful that his highness Kanye allowed them to show at Fashion Week in the first place. I mean, New York Fashion Week may as well be called New York Kanye Week since Kanye IS Fashion. Besides, I doubt those designers’ collections are as innovative, forward and avant-garde as what Kanye queefed out. And of course I mean the opposite of that since this year’s collection was as bland and basic as last year’s.
— adidas (@adidas) September 16, 2015
They all look like sad used condoms.
Kanye’s kollection for Adidas is perfect for rich bitches who want to waste a lot of money to look like a malnourished desert hobo on the planet Tatooine or like a Walking Dead zombie who teaches aerobics. But what do I know about fasihon? How can I judge Kanye’s genius designs when I’m sitting here wearing a droopy tank top and baggy beige sweatshorts. Oh, wait…