I guess you could say Anthony Bourdain’s parts are no longer unknown to Asia Argento. Prepare yourselves, the corny food jokes only get worse from here!
Anthony Bourdain, the hottest silver-haired grumpy TV food person not named Geoffrey Zakarian, has been single for a few months. He split up with his wife of nine years back in September. Nine years is a lot of years, and you’d think he’d want to make up for lost time by twirling his fork around as much random spaghetti as possible. But apparently he’s already off the market again. Page Six says that 60-year-old Anthony is head-over-veal (show me the door) for 41-year-old actress Asia Argento, who is Dario Argento’s daughter. Anthony and Asia have been papped in Italy walking hand-in-hand and making out while grocery shopping. Page Six says that one Italian news site has declared they’ve “fallen in love.”
Anthony filmed an episode of Parts Unknown in Rome late last year, and he claimed that it wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Asia. No word on if they got together during filming or after. I’m going to choose to believe it happened during, if only because it’s fun to think of a crusty prick like Anthony Bourdain on a romantic Eat Pray Love-style spiritual journey.
Both Anthony and Asia like Italian food and what more do you need in a relationship? Someone to sex on and then eat pasta with sounds nice. And in between that, they can laugh about how her daddy makes movies that terrorize people’s nightmares, and now she’s dating a dude who lives to terrorize Guy Fieri.
Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez couldn’t make it work, but at least they can still bond over their love of dating people who can’t remember watching Friends on Thursday nights.
Two months after Marc Anthony called it quits with his third wife Shannon De Lima (and days since their divorce was finalized), we’re finding out that 48-year-old Marc has a new girlfriend. And just like the last one, she’s a way-younger model. TMZ says that Marc has been rubbing his sensual skeletal bits on a 21-year-old model from Miami named Mariana Downing.
Fun fact: Mariana is two years younger than Marc’s daughter Ariana and five years older than his son Cristian.
Marc and Mariana got together shortly after Shannon hit the road back in November. They reportedly met at a dinner party. Marc and Mariana exchanged numbers, and he called her the next day. Marc and Mariana got real serious, real fast. She has accompanied him to one of his shows, and E! News says they spend New Year’s Eve together in the Dominican Republic.
Sources say they’ve been together ever since they met at that dinner party. Duh! Marc is middle-aged, rich and famous and Mariana is a hot young model. If they didn’t get together, I’m pretty sure none of us would be here today. The Earth would have shifted on its axis from the disruption in the universe. As the tides swallowed us whole, God would be standing there scratching his head in confusion, like “What the hell? This has never happened before.”
It’s starting to feel like today’s theme is on-screen couples who turn into real-life couples. First was Peggy and Ed from Fargo possibly getting engaged, and now we’ve got Jesus and Mary Magdalene possibly getting together. Page Six says that Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix found misunderstood moody thespian love with each other on the set of Mary Magdalene. Rooney plays the original hooker with a heart of gold and Joaquin is playing Jesus. It’s like come-to-life Bible fan fiction!
Sources say that 31-year-old Rooney and 42-year-old Joaquin got together some time during filming and have been together ever since. But a rep for Joaquin says he’s just “good friends” with Rooney, and that they happen to work together a lot. They’ve worked together once before on Her, and are scheduled to work on another film together called Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot in 2018.
The timing is a little suspicious. Rooney has dated Charlie McDowell, the son of Malcolm McDowell and Mary Steenburgen, for six years. But Page Six notes that the two of them haven’t been seen in public together since August. Neither of their reps had any comment about that.
Rooney was in Lion, which was nominated for several awards at the Golden Globes last weekend. But she was a no-show for the ceremony. A source claims she was missing from the GGs because she was “holed up in the desert” with Joaquin instead. That sounds like the opposite of sexy. Deserts are dry, and putting the word “hole” that close to the opposite of moist sounds like a bad time for all involved. Not to mention that deserts are also usually hot, and Joaquin’s greasy ass probably doesn’t do so well in the heat.
As you can see above, Selena Gomez and The Weeknd performed together at the 2015 Victoria’s Secret fashion show. Someone must have slipped someone their phone number backstage and that someone must have been hanging onto it until both of them were single. Or to be less dramatic, they might have just reconnected though an Instagram DM. Regardless of how it happened, it looks like Selena Gomez and The Weeknd might be together.
E! News has some pictures of 24-year-old Selena and 26-year-old The Weeknd hugging and kissing outside of a restaurant in Santa Monica last night. A source says that they were inside for three hours and that they “came out and were so happy.” It looks like The Weeknd is trying to not let a post-dinner belch escape into Selena’s mouth.
— E! News (@enews) January 11, 2017
This love connection is a teeny-tiny bit scandalous to the 13-year-olds who are crying about it on Twitter. The Weeknd used to date Bella Hadid, who is the sister of Gigi Hadid, who used to be friends with Selena (or at least took a trip to Dubai with her). If Gigi is the sort of person who thinks it’s tacky to date her sister’s leftovers, then Selena’s situation with The Weeknd might make things weird at Taylor Swift’s next squad meet-up.
Still, I think this is good news for Selena. Making out with a new famous dude in public is one of the final steps in the Justin Bieber Dickmatization Recovery Program. This is also good news for The Weeknd. The last girl he dated was comatose in the eyes. I’m sure he appreciates being with someone who doesn’t require him to wave his hand in front of her face and ask “Helloooo? You still there?” every half hour.
Less than two months after she announced to the world (aka her Instagram followers) that she was climbing the muscled parts of the appropriately-named UFC fighter Luke Rockhold, TMZ says they’re over. But don’t cry for Demi. She’s reportedly already made the transition to another hard-bodied rassler.
Evan Rachel Wood called it quits with her husband Jamie Bell back in 2014, and if I knew anything about the two of them was that they loved to dress like an ironic husband and wife Arcade Fire cover band. I wondered if Evan would ever find someone to join her in hipster band cosplay ever again. Turns out she has. And that person is her fellow real-life band member.
Evan is in an electro-pop duo called Rebel and a Basketcase (yes, named after The Breakfast Club) with a guy named Zach Villa. UsWeekly says they’ve been making more than just pretentious music. They were seen kissing at a party after the Critics’ Choice Awards. Last week they were seen holding hands while walking through an airport in Montreal. Okay, but to be fair, holding hands might not be confirmation that they’re doing it. They might have been holding hands to make sure that neither of them wandered off and got lost in the airport after catching a whiff of delicious poutine.
Evan Rachel Wood hasn’t said if she’s dating V for Villa. But do we really need that? Here are some pictures of ERW and her man at the Los Angeles premiere of Into The Forest back in June. Choosing to show up to an event all matchy-matchy tells us this is way beyond casual thing. Kristen Stewart is looking at these pictures and giving them both a round of apathetic applause for Evan and Zach’s hipster couple commitment. “Matching bleached hair swoops? AND on the same side too? Bravo (sniffles back tears) bravo.”