Now that Taylor Swift is officially a single woman again, it’s reported that a new tepid romance is fully underway. You’d think her recent split with her boyfriend of six years Joe Alwyn would be enough content for her next album, but nope! She’s gotta keep things interesting for the fans by dating another English dude, The 1975’s Matty Healy. And while it’s not official-official that they’re going steady, Matt kept the rumor mill chugging along by showing up to her Nashville show. As we are all aware, true love is engaging in a carefully crafted series of appearances with your maybe boyfriend for PR purposes. L’amour!
When Kristen Stewart isn’t busy mistaking being a badass with being an asshole, she still inexplicably gets acting jobs. The Daily Mail generously described Kristen as “quite emotional” with Sam Waterston on the set of her latest film “Anesthesia”, which is an apt name since she usually looks like she got into a slap fight with a syringe full of numbing agent and never recovered. (Sorry, Kristen, but Tim Conway did it better.)
KStew reached down into her acting bag of tricks (that has about as much range as the busted wireless router in a McDonald’s PlayPlace) and pulled out a facial expression that could mean anything from elation to sadness to needing a wardrobe change because she gambled with a fart and lost. You won’t even have to see the film to guess she squeezes out a tear, bites her lip and fights the urge to take that hat off to run her fingers through hair that looks like it was styled with Crisco, all while delivering lines that undoubtedly sound like she’s vomiting up commas.
The Mail’s article also said Kristen might be back to pit lickin’ shenanigans with Robert Pattinson after the two were seen leaving his gated community after a four hour fuckfest last week. Where’s Cher when you need her to deliver an epic Moonstruck slap and “SNAP OUT OF IT!”? This isn’t Brokeback Mountain and Rob is no Jack Twist, so give the “I wish I knew how to quit you” bullshit a rest.
(Pics via Splash)