Category: Gisele Bundchen

Gisele Talked About Finding Out Bridget Moynahan Was Preggo With Tom Brady’s Baby

October 3, 2018 / Posted by:

Most of us here in Boston assume Bridget Moynihan purposefully cuts out Brazil in the maps inside her kids’ geography textbooks and that Gisele Bundchen barfs anytime she sees Coyote Ugly playing on TBS. It’s well known that when Tom Brady hooked up with Gisele, he found out two months later that Bridget was pregnant with his baby. When Bridget gave birth, she named him John “Jack” Edward Thomas Moynahan, which us petty hos clapped at since “JET” happens to also be the name of the New England Patriots’ biggest rival. We all assumed the Haus of Bundchen and the Haus of Moynahan must loathe each other, but Gisele is out hawking her memoir, and says she’s actually cool with Tom’s ex.

Continue reading

Gisele Bundchen Got A Post-Babies Boob Job But Claims She Hated It

September 26, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s not easy being Gisele Bundchen. I mean, you have to live with Tom Brady 24/7 and make sure he isn’t trying to sneak any strawberries onto his desert of Fiji Water and sugar-free Tic-Tacs. But Gisele had another thing to worry about her: her post-babies boob job. Gisele has a new memoir Lessons: My Path to a Meaningful Life so pieces of it are being released. In addition to talking about her battle with panic attacks, she talks about time she got a boob job. Plastic surgery?! On a supermodel?! Color. Me. SHOCKED!

Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By Tom Brady Coming Out As An Ass Eater

June 28, 2018 / Posted by:

Barstool Sports posted this picture on their Instagram yesterday of one hungry, hungry hippo earning its PhD in Butt Munching by swallowing that ass cheek up. Or maybe that hippo is a political performance artiste and this its way of commenting on the shit we have to deal with every time we look at the news.

As soon as bae gets out of the shower #AssEatinSZN @barstooloutdoors

A post shared by Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) on

You would think that Tom Brady would look at that picture and giggle while clapping endlessly over those silly hippos before Gisele Bundchen screamed at him that his afternoon snack of grass-fed grass crackers and organic air was ready, but he got it! The low watt, almost-burnt-out bulb in his head lit up and he got it was a joke about rimming, and he related.

Tom slipped into the comments and added three laugh-crying emojis with a “yep.” So I take back what I’ve said over and over again about Tom only eating grass, air, and organic water. Tom eats grass, air, organic water, and ASS! Or maybe that’s not what Tom is saying. Maybe Tom’s not the one who takes his tongue on a journey around Gis’ outer rim. Great, I just gave myself the image of Tom hopping out of the shower all giddy-like before spreading those cheeks and presenting his hole to his wife. No, Gis isn’t stupid. She can’t trust him to not mouth burp out some image-ruining crap about Trump to the press, and so she sure as hell can’t trust him to not butt burp during a salad tossin’.

Pic: Instagram

 

Gisele Bundchen Is Sorry For Saying She’s Too Old And Wise For Instagram Modeling

June 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Yesterday Vogue published an interview with Gisele Bundchen about modeling and whatnot, and she talked about the current generation of Instagram models. Gisele pissed off the Instagram modeling community more than the words “I’m sorry, but you’re no longer sponsored by hair gummies” ever could. Now she’s apologizing.

Continue reading

SHARE

Open Post: Hosted By The Star Of The Tom Brady Comedy Roast 

May 8, 2018 / Posted by:

As Tom Brady asked a Met Gala server if the kitchen could whip him up a bowl of steamed organic grass lightly drizzled with distilled air, he was getting roasted on Twitter by haters who just can’t take his impeccable taste in suits that make him look like the day-shift manager of a Zorro-themed casino in Reno.

Continue reading

Gisele Bundchen Says She Didn’t Mean What She Said About Letting The Eagles Win

February 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Tom Brady fans probably came up with a million ways to convince themselves that last Sunday’s Super Bowl loss wasn’t Tom Brady’s fault. Tom accidentally ingested a strawberry and it made him temporarily forget what a football was, maybe. According to USA Today, Gisele’s reported explanation to her kids was that the Eagles hadn’t won “in a million years” and that sometimes you have to “let someone else win” because “sharing is caring.” Gisele says she didn’t mean it like that.

Continue reading

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >