In the opening scene of 2008’s Valkyrie, Tom Cruise gets knocked over by an explosion and as he gets up, he sticks dat ass out and it looks like he’s presenting his hungry hole to a top. An ass aficionado (assicionado?) on Twitter, perfectly named @iluvbutts247, noticed the giant Tempur-Pedic peach on Tom’s ass area, and in their expert opinion, it looked like he was wearing the pillow bump that Katie Holmes allegedly wore as the real Suri Cruise was being grown in a Scientology lab on Gold Base. But while Tommy may be a big fake ass, he didn’t wear one in Valkyrie, or so he says.
An eagle-eyed butt connoisseur was watching Tom Cruise in Valkyrie and noticed that the star’s ass looked suspiciously juicy. He screen captured the image and #tooktotwitter to posit a theory that the diminutive actor wears a fake butt.
When the kids aren’t screaming over the drama between that one who left Fifth Harmony and the other Harmonies (translation for the oldies: it’s like Ginger leaving the Spice Girls, I think), they’re brain-burping up giant question marks over LiLo-in-training (copyright: Pop Culture Died in 2009) and my favorite ginger teen mess Bella Thorne doing a couple-y photo-op with Charlie Puth on a beach in Miami. If you’re an old who’s brain-burping up a giant question mark over the name “Charlie Puth,” he’s the Nickelodeon-ized Andy Samberg/Sam Smith hybrid who is responsible for causing Marvin Gaye’s body to roll into a pile of skeleton dust.
Rob Kartrashian deleted every pic of Blac Chyna from his Instagram and he unfollowed her. I should just end the post here, because I’m sure all of you immediately jumped out of your chair and ran to the nearest church to pray to all of the santos to keep these two together for the sake of genuine love.
I am all for ToTay’s shameless world PR tour as long as they keep bringing that hot piece bodyguard (at least I think that’s a bodyguard) with them…
It’s been a little less than two weeks since
the start date of Taylor and Tom’s contract Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s authentic love grew on a rock in Rhode Island and since then, they have moved faster than two U-Haul lesbians on speed. They went from Rhode Island to NYC to Nashville where Tom dad danced at a Selena Gomez concert and met Tay Tay’s parents. From Nashville, they took their “We’re Really, Really In Love” tour international when they visited Tom’s mom in England and Taylor’s stylist did her up in “old-fashioned English country girl” drag for a completely and private walk with his family and a dozen or so paparazzi on Covehithe Beach (see: the spontaneous and organic pictures below). And now they’re in Italy…. To Rome with UGH!
Taylor and Tom strolled through the Colosseum in Rome today, and she must’ve graciously let the paparazzi have the day off, because it was her fans who took pictures of them and posted that mess on Twitter and Instagram. They probably ended their day at a studio where they practiced riding a Vespa for their Roman Holiday-themed photo shoot for the paps tomorrow.
So, since they’ve met each other’s parents and are in Europe now, I fully expect them to elope in an extremely private ceremony in front of the Eiffel Tower at 11 in the morning on Wednesday. Their honeymoon in Bora Bora will be live-streamed on the Jumbotron in Times Square on Friday and they’ll show off the Baby Alive doll they adopted together outside of St. Mary’s Hospital in London on Sunday. They’ll be divorced a week from today and Tay Tay will get custody of their Baby Alive doll.
But seriously, ToTay is looking so damn fake that it almost defeats the purpose of a PR relationship. Maybe this is one big performance art piece and Taylor’s artistic commentary on how her relationships are perceived by the media. Naw, I’m giving her ass too much credit.
It’s been approximately 45 seconds since Blac Chyna squirted out that THOTful Instagram post where she made it clear that she’s bumping her humongous stress ball ass cheeks against Rob Kardashian’s FUPA. Since then, Pimp Mama Kris has really made the most of this family “scandal” by probably leaking stories about how Kylie Jenner is mad about her brother doing her boyfriend’s baby mother and how the Kartrashians think that Blac Chyna is using Rob. They’re pissed because only they are allowed to use a ho for cheap publicity!
But really, I guess Rob finally picked up a script, because today he posted that note and SANS FARDS picture of Blac Chyna on Instagram. Handymen are probably busy loosening the Botox in Kim Kartrashian’s mug with chisels so that her cry face looks sort of natural when she shoots her response to that Instagram post for the season finale of Keeping Up with the Kartrashians. TMZ also posted a pro-Blac Chyna story that claims she’s helping him lose the chunk and get healthy.
Sources close to the unexpected couple tell TMZ, Chyna has been a positive influence on Rob because she’s helping him get back in shape.
We’re told Chyna introduced Rob to her personal trainer about a month ago, and since then they’ve done several intense workouts together.
So let’s see, Blac Chyna is the enemy of the Kartrashians who is healing Rob’s sugar-filled heart and is helping him once again rebel against his family of fame whores. I see that Pimp Mama Kris is blatantly stealing storylines from soap operas now. Let’s hope that she steals her next storyline from One Life to Live and her entire family gets trapped in an underground city far away from civilization!