Tom Cruise Swears That His “Valkyrie” Bubble Butt Is Real

September 28, 2017 / Posted by:

In the opening scene of 2008’s Valkyrie, Tom Cruise gets knocked over by an explosion and as he gets up, he sticks dat ass out and it looks like he’s presenting his hungry hole to a top. An ass aficionado (assicionado?) on Twitter, perfectly named @iluvbutts247, noticed the giant Tempur-Pedic peach on Tom’s ass area, and in their expert opinion, it looked like he was wearing the pillow bump that Katie Holmes allegedly wore as the real Suri Cruise was being grown in a Scientology lab on Gold Base. But while Tommy may be a big fake ass, he didn’t wear one in Valkyrie, or so he says.

While whoring out his new movie American Made, Tommy did an interview with Screen Rant and he was asked if he knew about the viral tweet that claims he doesn’t only use artificial help to make him taller, but also uses artificial help to give him a perfect power bottom ass that can squeeze four lemons with just one clench (note: don’t drink the lemonade at Tommy’s house). Screen Rant brought up the alleged prosthetic nalgas, because in American Made, he repeatedly says goodbye to his family by mooning them. Strangely enough, that’s exactly how Scientologists welcome and say goodbye to each other.

As the boys in the Celebrity Centre bathhouse giggled while thinking about the velcro sound Tommy’s rubber ass makes when he takes it off in the locker room, he said this:

“I have no idea. There was no prosthetic in Valkyrie. No. It’s me. It’s not CGI, it’s me. I do my own mooning in films. So let it be known – I do my own mooning.”

Starting at around the 4:35 mark in the clip below, you can watch as Tommy gets up and gives the camera a good shot of his Kardashian-approved ass.

One of two things could be going on: Tommy isn’t lying, and the hot air that is usually in his head pooted out of his ass and filled his pants as he got up. Or Tommy is following one of the Scientology commandments, “When all else fails, lie your fake ass off,” and is lying about wearing butt pads. If it’s the last one, he should really throw that tired lumpy one away and get him an all-natural-looking one like this. I mean, what’s the point of wearing butt pads if it’s not going to make you look like you’re smuggling SpongeBob in your ass?

Pic: MGM via YouTube

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