As most of us know, David Miscavige is the evil ruler of Scientology who has shown his brainwashed subjects that what he lacks in physical height, he makes up for in ruthlessness. Dear Wendi Deng, before you get the clit tingles for David Miscavige, you should know that yes, he’s a real-life Bond villain, but he’s nowhere close to being a billionaire. You can go ahead and cross Little Lord Davey off of your list of dream men. Besides, I doubt you want to suddenly “go missing.”
David Miscavige’s estranged father, Ron Miscavige, a former Scientologist who got into the Alien Cult of L. Ron Hubbard in the 1960s, has a tell-all book coming next month, and a ho ain’t happy about it. The ho being Ron’s son, of course. Ron book’s Ruthless: Scientology, My Son David Miscavige, And Me is about how he introduced David to Scientology and watched his son go from a cute, little happy boy to a diabolical and manipulative dictator who lives in opulence as some of the cult’s followers wallow in grossness at Gold Base. David is going to be on 20/20 this Friday to talk about his book, which comes out on May 3rd. And Scientology’s lawyers are trying to stop it from seeing the light of public eyes.
If your name is Rachel or Rachael or Roy or even Ray and you’ve got an Instagram page, you better look for a RAID emoji real quick. Because the eyes of the Beyhive are filled with so much blind rage that they don’t even know who they’re attacking anymore.
We’re barely into the second month of 2016, but already there’s been enough crazy shit that has happened in Taryn Manning’s personal life to technically classify it as a WTF-filled year. Back in January, a makeup artist named Holly Hartman filed a restraining order against Mimi from Crossroads and accused Taryn of getting all kinds of violent with her, like spraying Windex in her eyes. Now we’re into February, and Taryn’s lawyer is once again reaching for the bottle of extra-strength Motrin on his desk.
According to Page Six, Taryn has decided to sue New York City for $10 million over an arrest from 2014. According to the lawsuit, which I assume was served by Taryn herself to the Statue of Liberty while screaming “Tell your boss I want my money, you big green bitch!“, Taryn claims she was falsely arrested in NYC back in November 2014. Taryn was arrested after a judge determined she had violated a restraining order against her friend-turned-alleged-stalker Jeanine Heller by threatening to kill her via text and Twitter.
However, it might have been an arrest that wasn’t really supposed to happen. The DA decided not to prosecute Taryn and the arrest was voided. But according to Taryn’s lawsuit, she was still put through all the motions of an arrest. Taryn was still put in handcuffs, processed, and placed in a holding cell. The lawsuit claims Taryn was made to wait hours for a formal letter saying the DA wasn’t going to prosecute before she was released back into the wild.
Taryn also alleges that NYC police leaked details of her arrest to the media. She’s seeking $10 million for damages, which include “attorney’s fees, hours of detention, emotional distress and reputational harm.” When asked for comment, Taryn’s reputation took a long drag off a Newport before shrugging and grunting out a hoarse “Eh, if she thinks that’s what’s gonna fix it, then sure – whatever floats ya boat, honey.”
UPDATE: And now we have Taryn’s first closed case of 2016. TMZ says Taryn’s alleged Windex victim Holly Hartman didn’t show up for court today, so the judge threw her request for a restraining order out.
Back in November 2014, Taryn Manning got into some trouble when she allegedly violated a restraining order that her friend turned stalker Jeanine Heller had out against her. Well, it turns out that Taryn Manning’s Jerry Springer episode meets Melrose Place episode of a life is still Taryn Manning along.
TMZ says that makeup artist Holly Hartman filed a restraining order against Taryn for allegedly bringing a beat down on her several times. Holly claims that the last time Taryn went crazy on her was back in November 2015. They were in Taryn’s apartment in NYC when Pennsyltucky allegedly headbutted her in the face, whipped her with a wet towel, put her in a headlock and sprayed Windex in her eyes and mouth. In Taryn’s defense, if a makeup artist did my makeup like that, I’d probably tell her to clean her eyes with Windex too. The violent craziness didn’t end there, so claims Holly.
Holly also says in the documents that Taryn Manning dared her to kill Pennsyultucky from Orange is the New Black:
She says during the fight, Manning yelled … “Pick a knife. I’m wearing a white shirt there will be a lot of blood. You will be famous for killing Taryn Manning.”
So let’s see, Taryn headbutted, towel whipped and Windex’d a woman before daring said woman to stab her to death? Lindsay Lohan is laughing at that amateur meltdown, because that’s what she calls a slow day.
Holly filed a request for a restraining order in L.A. instead of in NYC, where the beating allegedly went down, so the judge denied it. Taryn was also arrested in 2012 for allegedly attacking Holly. The charges were later dropped.
Taryn, of course, has slapped back at Holly. Taryn’s lawyers claim that Holly is under investigation for stalking and stealing from her. They think that Holly filed for a restraining order to “obscure her own wrong doing.” Taryn plans to take legal action against Holly.
Taryn also tweeted this today:
It's always settling when you find out your friend aided in your convicted stalker all the while sleeping with your man. So I walked away.
— tarynmanning (@TarynManning) January 29, 2016
I know exactly what Taryn is talking about because that happens to me almost every other week!
One Couple Claims They Won Powerball And They Went Straight To The Today Show Before Turning In Their Ticket
Every whore in the land had their own idea of what they would do if they beat the impossible of impossible odds by winning the jackpot in the $1.6 billion Powerball Lottery. Some people said shit like, “I’d IMMEDIATELY hire a tax ho and a lawyer before I even claimed the money.” And I said that if I won, I’d turn in that ticket as soon as the Lottery office opened the next morning and then I’d burn my phone, smash my laptop into a million pieces and run off to some desolate cabin in the mountains where I’d write Dlisted using smoke signals. But not John and Lisa Robinson of Munford, Tennessee. The Robinsons claim that they have the winning ticket and the first thing they did after telling their kids and lawyer was call up the Today show. I mean….
This isn’t even the most Nicolas Cage story of all-time. It can get a whole lot more Nicolas Cage-ier. I bet his wig didn’t even move an inch when his butler, who has to dress up like Alfred from Batman, walked into his man cave, which is done up like King Tut’s tomb, to tell him that the Mongolian government has requested that he returns the stolen dinosaur skull he bought at auction. Just another day in the life of this crazy mess.
As everyone knows, Leah Remini’s memoir is full of beautiful drops of Tom Cruise craziness like how cookie dough is serious business to him, he won’t dare sip his tea from a chipped mug, he is Father of the Millenium and he looks down at John Travolta. (“Oh please, that troll queen couldn’t look down at me even in her highest heels.” – John Travolta) Leah said she felt like Tommy was giving Scientology a bad name by being the crazy mess that. In Tommy’s defense, Scientology gives Scientology a bad name. Katie Holmes released a statement where she apologized to Leah for pissing her off. Scientology also butt burped up a statement where they called Leah a spoiled entitled diva. But Tommy himself has kept his mouth lips shut over everything Leah said about him and he’s probably going to keep it that way.
A source tells UsWeekly that Tommy “freaked out” over Leah trashing him like that. If Tommy had a Joan Crawford-approved meltdown over jank cookie dough, I can only imagine the hissy fit he threw over that SB (Suppressive Bitch) talking shit about him. He probably made his minions dress up like Leah Remini and he read them each until their tears drowned the Thetans on their cheeks. But the source says that you shouldn’t expect Tommy to talk about Leah in public, because he’s not going to do that. He’s going to let his Scientology goons smear her while he erases all traces of her from his life:
“He thinks it’s a major betrayal. Leah is what the church calls a ‘suppressive person,’ so she’s evil in his mind. He wipes the memory of any SP out of his life. He’s letting the Scientology people discredit her.”
You can laugh at Tommy for thinking he can just glamour away the memory of Leah Remini, but don’t underestimate his Scientology powers. Tommy has proven that he can erase anything from his mind. I mean, he’s successfully erased every shred of sanity from his being, so he obviously has the power! So when a reporter asks him about Leah Remini and he says, “I don’t know her,” believe him.
Okay, no, Taylor Swift isn’t in this video, but I’m almost more than sure that the working title for Bad Blood was “Katy Perry Is A Satanic Woman Who Has Led Millions To Hell!”
You may know so-called Christian activist Christine Weick from the hilarious classic comedy “Bottoms Up and the Devil Laughs” and now the 99 Cent Store God Warrior is back to tell Katy Perry’s father that he’s skipping down the highway to Hell with his daughter. Katy Perry’s Christian pastor dad Keith Hudson, who is giving me Elizabeth Taylor from AHS: Hotel glamour in that still above, did an interview with a radio station in Phoenix, Arizona where he called his daughter a “godly child.” Christine Wreck was listening to that interview and it set her off so she went to the radio station and waited for Pastor Keith in the lobby. When Pastor Keith came out, she pounced and said to him, “You’re the daughter of Katy Perry!” (I want that as my ringtone.)
Christine Wreck then went on a not-nearly-as-hot SHE IS NOT A CHRIS-CHEN-like rant where she rebuked Pastor Keith for not stopping his daughter from leading millions of children to the portals of the underworld with her music. Christine Wreck has condemned her own son to the depths of Hell for listening to Katy Perry’s music. This is like a really, really dark version of your friend’s mom having a serious talk with your mom because a PG-13 movie was shown during your slumber party.
Pastor Keith, who allegedly called Katy Perry a “devil child” during a sermon once, tried to reason with her and told her that she wasn’t acting very Christian-like. But he quickly learned that trying to reason with Christine Weick is like trying to reason with a drunk hyena. She went on and went on and declared Katy Perry’s video for E.T. a work of Satan.
Katy Perry should really hire Christine Wreck as her new publicist, because that mess made the E.T. video sound way more interesting than it is. I mean, Katy Perry has the sex with demons in it? I need to watch it again.
Getting into a fight for custody with Halle Berry is like waltzing with a chainsaw who accuses you of being a racist piece of trash and a shit dad. Olivier Martinez apparently knows this, so he’s not even going to dare to get into the ring with Halle Berry and is going to try to play nice. That is the worst news Halle Berry’s lawyer has ever heard! They’ve been eyeing a vacation home in St. Thomas and hoped they could buy it with the money they’d make from her next never-ending custody craziness. Damn that Olivier Martinez for wanting to be a sane and mature adult!
The all-new The Muppets show debuted last night and around 9 million pairs of eyeballs watched it and that put it above Scream Queens (which was like watching Ryan Murphy reenact Heathers with Barbies) for the night. The new The Muppets show to me was like The Office but with Muppets. Sure it was a little more “adult,” but it’s not like the old show was squeaky clean. I mean, Janice was obviously always high out of her felt mind, Miss Piggy and Kermit were in an abusive relationship and Scooter was obviously a sociopath and serial killer since nobody is that nice for real. But well, the comedy group known as One Million Moms (aka Five Crazies With One Million Burner Email Accounts Between Them) believe that the new Muppets show is tainting the brains of the innocent children!
Before last night’s premiere, the group of conservative moms released a letter begging ABC to not smear the pristine innocence of children with their Muppet filth. They wanted ABC to pull the first episode. Their letter didn’t work obviously. But it did work at making me spit out a stream of LOLs. They are comedy geniuses and their line about Kermit not wearing pants proves that. The letter in all its hilarious entirety is after the cut.