Lawronofsky Is Alive And Well And Kissing In Public
It’s been a little over two weeks since The Sun said that Jennifer Lawrence’s 26-year-old chocha has been regularly dropping on director Darren Aronofsky’s 47-year-old peen. They started doing it after working together on his movie Mother over the summer. JLaw mostly lives in L.A., but she’s been going to NYC more and more, because that’s where Darren lives to be closer to the kid he made with Rachel Weisz. People later confirmed that they’re a thing and their source said that she likes him because “he’s low-key” and isn’t into that celebrity life. JLaw has been in NYC, where Darren lives, and last night, they went for a “low-key” stroll and The Daily Mail posted the pictures of them touching mouths.
Nick Cannon Could Be A Dad Again
The ink on the details of Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey’s divorce settlement is barely dry, but it sounds like he’s not going to have much down time until his next custody discussion. According to UsWeekly, Nick Cannon’s ex-girlfriend, former Guamanian-American Miss USA and Miss Universe contestant Brittany Bell, is around six months pregnant. And there’s a very good chance that baby could be calling Nick Cannon “Dada.”
36-year-old Nick and 28-year-old Brittany reportedly dated off and on. One of those “on” times must not have included a condom, because a source tells UsWeekly that Nick is definitely the father of the baby growing inside Brittany. So far, Brittany hasn’t said anything about being knocked up, let alone if Nick is the dad. In the event that she is about three months away from popping out a Nick Jr., this will be her first child and Nick’s third. Nick has 5-year-old twins that he made with Mariah Carey. Now when Nick talks about “dem babies“, he’s going to have to be a bit more specific.
I’m sure the timing of all of this is going to make a couple people go “Hmmm.” Although it’s probably not a big deal that the news that Nick Cannon might be a daddy again broke just days after his divorce was finalized. I doubt there’s much drama to this situation. I mean, look at Nick and Mariah; they still get along pretty well. They even spent Halloween together. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mariah ended up getting along with the mother of her babies new half-sibling too. Sure, it might be because she had ulterior motives, like gaining access to Brittany’s beautiful diamonelle-covered pageant crowns and gowns. But getting along is getting along, right?
Pic: Wenn.com
Open Post: Hosted By A Tortoise Saying “Wow” While Getting His
Your someone at the dinner table tonight: So honey, how was your day? Did you do anything interesting?
You: I watched a 55 second video of a tortoise saying, “Wow,” while fucking his piece.
The next sound you’d hear is the sound of their fork dropping on the table as they get out of their chair, grab their car keys and leave. They can get into some kinky shit but tortoise orgasms is not one of them.
This video has been fucked into my inbox with a “wow” at least a dozen times today, and I really brought it upon myself by writing about the prolific baby-making machine known as Diego the 100-year-old tortoise. There’s not much to this video. The dude tortoise can’t believe he’s getting some action and lets out a “wow” as another tortoise watches. Kinky. It’s like a scene out of “A Regular Night In Hugh Hefner’s Bedroom.”
The description in the YouTube video also says that the dude tortoise probably got blue tortoise balls because he really didn’t get to finish.
“Depicted are Aldabra Giant Tortoise (Aldabrachelys gigantean) in the act of mating. It lasted a few minutes and eventually the turtle on top had been pushed by a third one and been placed on its back”.
Meanwhile, the bored lady tortoise was probably thinking to herself, “‘Wow’ is not really the word I’d use to describe this slow ass humping.”
via Yahoo!
Anna Duggar Might File For Divorce From Josh Duggar
As Jinger Duggar fulfills her Duggar destiny by picking out a weddin’ dress and daydreaming about the magical 30 seconds of sex that will happen on her wedding night, Josh Duggar might soon be picking out a divorce lawyer and daydreaming of all the ways he can fake sick and get out of a court appearance. A source tells In Touch (via The Daily Mail) that Anna Duggar is done being married to her sister-touching, Ashley Madison-trolling husband.
Steven Seagal Is A Russian Citizen Now
Russia, hide yo puppies (and your pussies), because Steven Seagal is one of you now.
NPR says that Steven Seagal, who is looking more and more like a nutsack with a Sharpie goatee drawn on it, is now a citizen of Russia and it’s all thanks to his sweet Russian boo Vladimir Putin. Steven has dreamed of becoming a Russian and today, Vladimir Putin made that dream come true by farting up a presidential degree that grants him citizenship. Putin has man-crushed on Steven for a while, and in 2013, Steven used their bro-mance to “open doors” for six U.S. Congressional members who wanted to visit Russia to learn more about the Boston Marathon bombing. Putin also wanted to make his Aikido-kicking American sweetheart an honorary consul, so that Steven could work as a go-between him and President Obama. In other words, Putin has a real leaky boner for Steven Seagal.
Here’s The Trailer For “T2: Trainspotting” Starring A Tiny Bit Of Ewan McGregor’s Ass
Obviously we’re only teased with just a teeny tiny bit. Every producer knows that if you want to put actual asses in theater seats, you don’t give away all of Ewan McGregor’s business for free in the trailer.
The official trailer for T2: Trainspotting, the 20-years later sequel to Trainspotting from Danny Boyle, was released today. Based on that title and knowing it happens 20 years after the original, I naturally assumed the trailer for T2: Trainspotting would feature Rent Boy trying to outrun Sick Boy, who was turned into a T-1000 after accidentally shooting mimetic polyalloy instead of heroin. It’s nothing like that. T2 is based on the book sequel to Trainspotting called Porno, and is all about everyone getting together to do drugs and make porno. If you want to skip straight to Ewan’s ass, it pops in to say hello around the 1:24 mark.
Everyone from the first Trainspotting is back for T2. Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Robert Carlyle, Kelly Macdonald. They’ve also updated Ewan’s “choose ___” monologue to reflect 2016. Now instead of “choose compact disc players” it’s “choose Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.” I call bullshit on that one. Don’t tell me Ewan’s character didn’t look up Diane at least once on Facebook drunk at 2am during the last 10 years.