Eva Mendes Says The Number One Cause Of Divorce In America Is Sweatpants

March 19, 2015 / Posted by:

Eva Mendes, seen above in her version of Sunday Casual (which is basically my Weekday Formal), recently spoke to Extra about her hot Canadian hipster husband boyfriend Ryan Gosling, but instead of asking her the important questions like how big is it/what does it look like/does it taste like poutine, they asked her if she has any secrets for keeping Ryan happy at home. I would assume the only thing Ryan needs to be happy is a vocal coach telling him he’s doing a really good job of sounding like he’s from some vague part of Brooklyn, but according to Eva, the secret to keeping her man happy is never ever wearing sweatpants:

“Sweatpants, no, no, no, no. No, no, you can’t do sweatpants. Ladies, number one cause of divorce in America is sweatpants. No, you can’t do that.”

I don’t know if that’s correct; if years of watching Joey Greco bust cheaters on Cheaters have taught me anything, it’s that the leading cause of divorce in America is catching your partner humping on some trampy blurry-faced skank named Brayleigh in an empty Big Lots parking lot.

Listen, if I was Ryan Gosling’s piece, there isn’t much I’d say no to, but I draw the line at no sweatpants. To quote Marilyn Monroe, if you can’t handle me at my sweatpants, you don’t deserve me at my sweatpants. Basically, what I’m getting at is that I’m always wearing sweatpants.

But how does she live without sweatpants? What does she wear when its laundry day or she has the shits? Eva! Chill out girl, Ryan’s dick won’t go soft if you wear a pair of sweatpants. Give in to the sloppy-crotched freedom! Just tell yourself they’re a pair of high-end organic cotton drawstring slouch trousers, if that’s what you need to do.

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