Soon, we’ll be able to stop feeling like trainwreck-watching oglers while consuming Britney Spears’ evisceration of her family on Instagram. Instead, we’ll get to fancy ourselves intellectual bibliophiles while perusing Britney Spears’ evisceration of her family in her upcoming mem-wah. Because Britney (and her ghostwriter) have finally scrounged up enough paper to hold the many tales of her eventful time in the spotlight. According to Page Six, the memoir will be out just in time for the holidays and will “shock the world” and become an instant best-seller.
Congratulations to standing ovations and Uma Thurman! You have now joined Madonna, Abby Lee Miller, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and theater texters on the illustrious list of Things That Patti LuPone Has Verbally Slapped Down. You should be honored.
Patti LuPone is doing Company in London in the fall, and to promote it she talked to The Guardian. And whenever La LuPone opens her mouth to talk, precious jewels of priceless hate falls out.
The beginning of the end of American Idol happened last night and I completely forgot it was on (so did everybody else), but Clay Aiken didn’t. America’s second most famous ginger power lesbian (Rojo Caliente being the first, duh) and the almost-congressman delivered brand new information when he said on Twitter that the show is now a lifeless puddle of boring and he now knows why the ratings have fallen like early-aughts Paula Abdul after drinking too much Vicodin and Valium tea.
Some of us old, wrinkly, white pubes-having whores who watched American Idol in the olden days miss the train wreck singers, the cunty-wrapped nuggets that flew out of Simon Cowell’s mouth and Paula Abdul being a pilled-up mess. Clay misses those days too and while watching the three drips, JLo, Harry Connick Jr. and Keith Urban, judge the singers last night, he let out a huge yawn on Twitter.
I really, really hope that Grace Jones’ “Reading These Hos Tour” never ever ends, because her beautiful words wrapped in pure bitchiness never fail to take me up, up and away and when I read her interviews I know how Jesus’ apostles felt when he spoke to them. In her memoirs, I Will Never Write My Memoirs, Grace Jones lines up many pop trick of today and slaps them down for copying her. While promoting her memoirs, Grace also slapped down Kanye West for jacking ideas from her and said that he’ll get a face full of her if they ever cross paths. Well, now it’s Lady CaCa’s turn to feel the wrath of Grace again.