Congratulations to standing ovations and Uma Thurman! You have now joined Madonna, Abby Lee Miller, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and theater texters on the illustrious list of Things That Patti LuPone Has Verbally Slapped Down. You should be honored.
Patti LuPone is doing Company in London in the fall, and to promote it she talked to The Guardian. And whenever La LuPone opens her mouth to talk, precious jewels of priceless hate falls out.
The object of La LuPone’s hate while talking to The Guardian was Uma Thurman and standing ovations. If you went to see Uma in The Parisian Woman on Broadway and heard a constant dry heave, it was just the sanctity of the American theater dying inside of Patti LuPone. Something tells me that when it comes time to nominate shit for the Tonys, Patti is going to write, “ANY THING AND ANYONE BUT UMA THURMAN” on her ballot. Patti dragged Uma when talking about movie actors doing theater:
“I don’t necessarily need to see film actors on stage, because they can’t. Not in my country they can’t. Can I just say, Uma Thurman in The Parisian Woman, anybody see it? Holy shit! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m not sure there is a stigma anymore (about film actors doing theater), perhaps there should be. You want those people to come to the stage for the right reason and that is to honor the stage, honor the theatre and not be in for themselves, and I’m not saying that Uma was. It’s hard work, so I want you to understand that I have nothing against Uma Thurman.”
Even if Uma didn’t give a performance that brought shame upon the stage, Patti wouldn’t have given her a standing ovation. She is against them. Patti is looking forward to performing in London’s West End, because audiences there don’t stand for every damn thing like audiences in America do.
“Ovations are cheap in America. It is almost as if they stand because they have spent so much money. I don’t stand, in protest, any more … I stay seated.”
I sit with Patti (she’s obviously against standing) about standing ovations. I will gladly sit and stare at the back of a tourist’s sweaty IZOD polo during the curtain call of a mediocre musical in protest of the standing ovation.
But only Patti LuPone… only Patti LuPone. Leave it to my bitter and mean goddess to actually get mad over someone standing in praise of her. She is on another level of “old man yells at cloud,” and I love it. If I ever see her in a show again, I’m going to make sure I get front row seats just so I can stand for her at curtain call and she can spit at me in disgust.