Open Post: Hosted By The Terrifying Potential Of “Cravy” Hitting Our Grocery Shelves

In a taste-affronting collaboration that rivals the misery of that of Justin Bieber and Crocs, Heinz and Ocean Spray have decided to rage-hump a couple of items from their respective product lines and shove the mingled, congealed ooze of a sloppy Thanksgiving plate on an unsuspecting public in the form of a maybe-product called Cravy, which is an unholy mashup of gravy and cranberry sauce. For the love of all the gods, don’t do it.

The Takeout reports that Heinz made the announcement about Cravy on April Fools’ Day, but it’s not a joke:

Heinz Homestyle Gravy and Ocean Spray Cranberries are collaborating to produce Cravy, a jarred condiment that mashes up gravy and cranberry sauce into one unsettlingly mauve topping.

Okay, it’s not real yet—but the brands have every intention of making this product a reality if the public demands it.

Cravy is the thing we all try to prevent from happening on our Thanksgiving plates each year, while simultaneously attempting to keep an eye on shifty siblings so they don’t steal any cash from any of the coat pockets slumped on the bed in the guest room. No one needs this mess and we all have to step up and cast our vote so it never, ever makes it to the production line.

Here is the palate-hating announcement with the voting buttons beneath it. Please do your part to keep more fuckery off of our shelves, everyone. This just might be the most important vote you’ll ever cast:

After a wonderful think session with my friends at @oceansprayinc, we’ve decided to join forces for a flavorful concoction that might add a touch of magic to your meal.

What do you say, dear friends? 250,000 ‘Indeed’ votes will make “CRAVY” a reality!

— H.J. Heinz & Co. (@HeinzTweets) April 1, 2021

Pic:  Wikimedia Commons