The Mighty O On Paula Deen’s N-Word Scandal

When Oprah interviewed Paula Deen for Oprah’s Next Chapter last year, she stayed in the Deen family “guest house” in Georgia and now she knows why the “guest house” was actually a shack in the backyard and why there was an Aunt Jemima costume and a dinner bell lying on her cot. The Mighty O got to know Paula Deen, so at last night’s premiere of Lee Daniels’ The Butler in NYC, everybody with a mic asked her about it. Oprah recently said no friend of hers will ever use the n-word around her, so I’m surprised she didn’t tell reporters, “Paula who? Oh, you mean the Miss Millie whose company I’m going to buy with my play money and DESTROY just for fun?” Oprah told Entertainment Tonight that Paula is not the first white woman to use the n-word and also said that she tried to call Paula’s ass.

“In the very first days I tried to reach her and then I decided to stay out of it as I saw it blowing up. In time she will be fine. For me, it all just felt kind of sad.

Nobody in their right mind is going to call me the N-word. You know, you see those fools on Twitter sometime say ridiculous things. But nobody in their right mind is going to do that to my face, because true racism is being able to have power over somebody else. So that doesn’t happen to me that way.”

That’s Oprah’s way of saying, “I’m God, bitch,” and it’s also Oprah’s way of telling Squeak to come call her a “field nigger” to her face, because she really wants to tit pound that bitch through all the layers of the Earth into Hell.

Here’s more of FroPrah and Ted Head Stedman at last night’s The Butler premiere. I also threw in a bunch of pictures of other hos there including Mimi who showed up wearing a sling that can double as a studded fisting glove.

Pics: Wenn.com

Paula Deen Wanted Her “Soul Sister” And Chef To Dress Up Like Aunt Jemima

As Paula Deen lay sprawled out on the ground after falling down her crumbling empire of butter and deep fried lard, The New York Times is getting to the bottom of EVERYTHING by talking to a black woman who has worked for the Baroness of Butter for over 20 years. 59-year-old Dora Charles started working with Paula Deen long before she turned artery-clogging deliciousness into millions of dollars and the two were business partners of sorts. Paula considered Dora her “soul sister” and wrote in her memoirs that she’d be “devastated” if she lost Dora. Paula even promised to make Dora rich if she got rich. But it’s been 22 years and as Paula eats beer-battered hundred dollars bill, Dora lives in a trailer and is dealing with a jacked-up shoulder.

Dora tells the Times that she helped open Paula Deen’s flagship restaurant Lady & Sons and they cooked right next to each other for years. When Paula got her Food Network Show, Dora helped her with the recipes and was in a few of the episodes. Dora says that Paula wanted to give a show at Lady & Sons and use her and another employee, Ineata “Jellyroll” Jones, as props. Paula wanted Dora to open the restaurant by ringing a dinner bell at the front doors, but she refused to do that shit, because she says “that’s a symbol to me of what we used to do back in the day.” So Jellyroll did it (above). But Jellyroll said “no” when Paula asked her to wear an Aunt Jemima-like costume while serving cornmeal pancakes to guests. Dora told the Times that she doesn’t think Paula is a bad person, but she doesn’t think she was treated right:

“It’s just time that everybody knows that Paula Deen don’t treat me the way they think she treat me,” she said.

“I’m not trying to portray that she is a bad person,” she said. “I’m just trying to put my story out there that she didn’t treat me fairly and I was her soul sister.”

Dora made under $10 an hour for years as head chef of Lady & Sons, but when she filed a complaint with the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, her salary was magically upped to $71,000 a year and Paula’s sons offered to fix the floor in her trailer.

When the Times tried to talk to Jellyroll, she said that no bad words about Paula Deen will pass through her lips. Paula Deen’s rep denied that she asked anybody to dress up like Aunt Jemima and said that Dora Charles is just trying to get more money out of her.

The entire story is here if you want to read it. It’s some Miss Millie and Sofia from The Color Purple shit.

And There Goes Target…….

I think that screen shot totally confirms that Maryann the Maenad is controlling Paula. I knew it!

Some of you may have already made a mental note to go to Home Deport after work to pick up a box of Paula Deen’s bacon-flavored screws (since they’ll be out of stock soon) and now you should make a mental note to also go to Target to pick up a package of Paula Deen’s butter enemas. Because Target has joined the long list of hos who don’t want to be seen with Paula Deen. “I is what I is and I is unemployed as fuck” – Paula Deen

Yesterday, ‘Murica’s kingdom of rollback prices and holiness, Walmart, publicly broke up with Paula Deen and today Target announced that they’re doing the same thing. Target told TMZ that they aren’t ordering anymore of Paula’s products:.

“We have made a decision to phase out the Paula Deen merchandise in our stores as well as on Target.com. Once the merchandise is sold out, we will not be replenishing inventory.”

Novo Nordisk (no, that isn’t the name of a Hunger Games character), the company that makes the diabetes medication that Paula Deen started hawking as soon she realized that she could make money from having diabetes, said yesterday that they have pressed the pause button on their relationship with her. Novo Nordisk hasn’t dumped Paula, but they’re on a break and every now and again they might have regretful, awkward sex with her when no one’s looking.

Novo Nordisk and Paula Deen have mutually agreed to suspend our patient education activities for now, while she takes time to focus her attention where it is needed.
Novo Nordisk would like to acknowledge Paula’s involvement in our Diabetes in a New Light™ campaign, where she has helped make many people aware of type 2 diabetes and the lifestyle changes needed to control this serious disease.

So Target, Walmart, Home Depot, The Food Network, Smithfield Foods and Caesars have all dropped Paula and the diabetes drug company is taking a break from her. Whatever, Paula doesn’t need them! She still has her contract with Klandike Bars and White Power Shortening. AND Royal Caribbean said that the annual Paul Deen Cruise is selling so well that they’re adding another one. The rep said that spaces are limited, although there’s still plenty of cots available in the blacks only lower deck.

And AND Paula’s latest book “Paula Deen’s New Testament: 250 Favorite Recipes, All Lightened Up” has jumped up Amazon’s bestsellers list. Yes, her book is really called that. ALL LIGHTENED UP. Ha. I see what you did there, Paula. Keep fucking that buttermilk fried chicken.

Walmart Dropped Paula Deen’s Ass

Damn. When even Walmart doesn’t want to be seen holding hands with you out in public….

Walmart’s spokesperson Dave Tovar said in a statement today that they are done with her and they have no plans to carry her line of cooking pots and pies anymore. Walmart is extra cold for dumping Paula after she gave the performance of her life! This is what Walmart had to say about their breakup with Paula:

“We will not place new orders beyond those already committed. We will work with suppliers to address existing inventories and agreements.”

Not even a canned, “We wish her all the best.” They just washed the butter off and walked away. I wonder what Paula’s fans are going to do, because when The Food Network cut her ass, her fans all screamed, “BOYCOTT THE FOOD NETWORK!” When it was announced that blind item blow job queen Giada De Laurentiis was moving into Paula’s old slot (sorry for that visual, I know it made your nips secrete butter), her fans all screamed, “BOYCOTT GIADA! BOYCOTT BLOW JOBS!” When Smithfield Foods dropped Paula, her fans all screamed, “BOYCOTT HAM!” And the same goes for Caesars.

So are Paula’s fans really going to boycott ‘Murica’s answer to Vatican City? Walmart is probably like a sacred church to Paula’s fans. What are they going to do? They will have to make the hardest decisions of their lives! This is some Sophie’s Choice shit. Or they’re just going to wear a disguise whenever they go to Walmart and refuse to buy Sam’s Choice butter.

The Melodrama Of It All: Paula Deen Cries Out Buttery Tears On Today This Morning

After two political posts this morning, I can finally get back to what’s really important in America. No, I’m not talking about looking at pictures of Richard Simmons (we might get into that later). I’m talking about The Dramatic Fall of the Baroness of Butter.

Paula Deen’s messy and sloppy “I IZ SORRY” publicity tour crashed into Today this morning and she did not disappoint. It was weird, it was crazy, it was seriously over-dramatic, it was fucked up and I loved every second of it. Paula punched at the air, pulled down the curtains, slid against every wall and clutched at her chest while talking about how she has to hold her broken friends as they weep over her downfall. I could almost hear The Gone With The Wind theme song. It really is a good time to be a high school drama student. Because when school starts again in the fall, every single high school drama student is going to do Paula’s woe-is-me monologue and they are going to kill it. Gold stars for everyone!

Matt Lauer started the interview by reminding Paula that The Food Network and the ham company both dropped her ass and then he asked her if she was only there to save her multi-million dollar butter kingdom from melting. Paula said she wasn’t there to keep the millions from falling out of her bank account, but then she said that she wouldn’t have fired herself. Matt asked Paula about the times she’s used the N-word and the spirit of every novella compelled her to get extra dramatic when she grabbed his leg and told him about the time she was robbed at gunpoint by a black man. Even though Paula testified that she used the N-word a few times during her 66 years on earth, she told Matt that she only used it once and it was after that robbery.

Matt being Matt didn’t straight-up ask Paula about the time she said she wanted a plantation-style wedding and instead he kept pressing on her about the N-word. Matt asked Paula if she thinks that black people are offended by the N-word and she pulled this out:

I have asked myself that so many times because it’s very distressing for me to go into my kitchens and I hear what these young people are calling each other. It’s very, very distressing.

The Hallmark Hall of Fame moment came when Matt asked Paula why she didn’t just lie under oath and say that she never used the N-word before. Drops of Land O’Lakes filled her eyes when she told Matt about the time she let her grandson Jack stay up late and he told his parents about it. When Paula asked Jack why he got her into trouble, he told her that can’t tell a lie. Paula broke down as I stood up to clap and throw a bouquet of fried zucchini flowers at her.

Then at the very end of the interview, Paula turned the fuckery and foolery all the way up and even quoted POPEYE!

If there’s anyone out there that has never said something that they wished they could take back. If you’re out there, please pick up that stone and throw it so hard at my head that it kills me. Please. I want to meet you. I is what I is and I’m not changing.

And then Paula went on to say, “It’s like what my mammy used to say to me, ‘You is smart. You is kind. You is important.'”

Here’s the full interview if SOAPnet is down for you and you need some theater today:

Paula worked it like the last stick of butter was dangling in front of her face. I don’t think she won her Food Network contract back, but she did win a Daytime Emmy and every community theater award.

via MSNBC

Paula Deen Paid One Of Her Black Employees In Beer

And Paula Deen’s public transformation into Miss Millie from The Color Purple continues. Sheldon J. Ervin was an oyster cook at Bubba’s Oyster House for 2 years starting in 2008 and he filed an Equal Employment Opportunity & Diversity complaint against Paula Deen and her brother Bubba, because he claims he was forced to work private events and he wasn’t paid with cash. He was paid with beer. Paula is totally like that friend who gives you a six pack of Pabst to help them move. Only Paula will make you wear a white suit and tap dance while doing so.

Sheldon tells Radar that he and other employees regularly worked private events at Paula’s mansion in Savannah and she rarely paid them with cash. Sheldon says that the Baroness of Butter’s white master dream of seeing an event where black men serve guests while wearing white suits came true several times. Sheldon says that Paula threw a graduation party for someone once and made him and other black employees wear a white chef jacket and black pants. If they didn’t own a white chef jacket, Paula’s people gave them money to go out and buy one. Sheldon said:

“I didn’t want to wear it because it was burning hot outside, but Miss Paula insisted. Paula had us all stationed at a few shady spots in the yard. She wanted us all to stay in one spot. We weren’t allowed to move. They didn’t want us to interact or anything. They just wanted us to sit there and serve everyone and not say anything. Paula and Bubba just gave us beer and alcohol and I don’t even drink. She knew I had just gotten married. I had a baby on the way. I needed the money and I was the only one to step up and complain over it because half of the kitchen just needed their jobs. I was fired over it in the end because I’m not afraid to speak my mind.

I’m so happy that this has finally come. I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.”

If that isn’t enough lard-based fuckery to clog up your arteries, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution says that one of her former black employees claims that she always referred to them as her “little monkey.”

Since Paula bailed on Today last week, she’s going to make it up to them this Wednesday by talking to Matt Lauer about getting dropped by The Food Network. Of course they’d let Matt Lauer’s easy ass interview her. I wish they’d just drop her in the middle of Al Roker and Tamron Hall and let them stare her down for an hour straight.

When it rains buttery racism, it pours buttery racism. I have a feeling this is only the beginning. But I am surprised that Paula Deen paid them with beer and alcohol. You’d think Paula would pay them with Kool-Aid and malt liquor. And I bet she paid her white employees with her currency of choice: butter.