Hot Slut Of The Day!
By popular demand, Senator Wendy Davis!
The greatest show on the planet yesterday lasted 13 hours, it happened on the senate floor in Austin, TX and it starred Democrat Senator Wendy Davis who was trying to stop the passing of SB5, a strict anti-abortion bill that would’ve closed all but 5 abortion clinic in Texas. Wendy announced on Monday that she was planning on filibustering that bitch. Wendy had to take the mic when the special session started on Tuesday morning and keep going until midnight. If she did it, they wouldn’t vote and the bill would die.
The rules were that Wendy couldn’t break for any reason. She couldn’t eat or drink anything. The other senators couldn’t even throw Gatorade at her face. Nothing. Wendy couldn’t sit or lean against anything. She had to stand up the entire time. (I’d fail about 13 minutes in, because I’m that bitch who gets in an elevator and leans up against the wall for the 20 second ride.) She had to stay on topic the entire time. Wendy couldn’t read Amanda Bynes tweets from top to bottom (there’s about 130 days worth of material there) or anything like that. She couldn’t go to the bathroom and the use of a Go Girl and an empty water bottle was prohibited! Wendy was allowed 3 warnings. Kanye is probably shrugging at all of this, because if someone handed him a mic and asked him to say something about himself, he could go on for 13 days without eating, drinking or leaning and he’d stay on topic during all of it.
With sneakers (in shade: Not The One Pink) on her feet, Wendy went for it on Tuesday morning. She was like your auntie on Black Friday morning trying to get a 15% off TV at Walmart. She was determined and she went hard. Wendy got two warning throughout the day, once when another senator put a brace on her back and another warning for going off topic when she talked about Planned Parenthood. Some of the Republican senators tried to trip her ass up, but she kept going. Then at around 10 last night, she got her third strike for talking about ultrasounds. The warning was appealed and the next 2 hours was spent on other Democrat senators debating on parliamentary procedure. After they finished doing that, the vote was held and the bill was passed, but since it was 3 minutes after midnight it didn’t count.
Then as Wendy’s supporters lost their minds, the roof opened up and in flew a bunch of dragons to celebrate the victory of the Texas Khaleesi.
You know what would’ve been the best grand finale for me? Since Wendy Davis sort of looks like Angela Bower from Who’s The Boss?, Mona should’ve sashayed in and given her a glass of champagne and a wink.
(For everybody who sent this in)