Mama June Is Getting Gastric Sleeve Surgery After Dieting Almost Killed Her Ass

Besides dumb stuff like reducing your risk of heart disease and diabetes, nothing good comes out of eating healthy things. Case in point: The mutated hushpuppy we all know as Mama June had to be shuffled off to the hospital two weeks ago after she passed out in her house in Georgia. Mama June has been trying to burn off another layer of her Chalupa chins by dieting and her body apparently had the same reaction mine does when I eat broccoli that hasn’t been dipped in cheese or marannaise. It collapsed, and she’s reportedly going the Star Jones route, because dieting is dangerous for her health. I would say that Richard Simmons should come out of retirement to help Mama June, but he’s already been through too damn much.

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Mama June Thinks Sugar Bear Likes Peen Too

I know, I know, a Mama June post in 2016. But it was either this or another Bristol Palin post and I’ve already met my daily limit for important political news, so I went with this trash.

No-Kind-Of-Mama June and her tribe of quadruple-chinned hillbilly dumplings are trying to crawl out from under the pile of irrelevancy by doing another reality show. June and Sugar Bear are on that reality show where desperate fame whores pretend they have relationship problems in exchange for camera time and a check. No, not that Couples Therapy mess. I’m talking about Marriage Boot Camp. The first episode of Marriage Boot Camp airs on Friday and in it, June tells her fellow Marriage Boot Campers, Catherine and Sean Lowe of The Bachelor, that she thinks Sugar Bear may have cheated on her with dudes and chicks. SCANDAL!

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to him. I believe there was more than one. The text messages that I have seen [are from] men and women. I want him to be honest, and I don’t feel in my gut that he’s fully honest.”

No, I’m pretty sure that feeling in her gut was her afternoon snack of sketti sauce and deep fried cheese noodles trying to digest.

Sugar Bear denies cheating on June. Last year, June came out as bisexual and said that she’s licked Velveeta off of a punane or two.

Maybe Sugar Bear likes a peen in his sugar bear hole and maybe he had a 100-person orgy with dudes and chicks on June’s favorite bedspread. Who cares? Big deal. It’s not like he fucked the pedo trash who molested his daughter.

And I can’t believe this is the second time this week I’ve posted something Mama June- related. 2016 is not going the way I thought it would.

Pics: Wenn.com

TLC Hasn’t Axed “19 Kids” And Mama June Is Pissed About It (UPDATE)

UPDATE: TLC pulled 19 Kids and Counting from their schedule, but they haven’t officially canceled it yet.

As Josh Duggar shat up a statement where he admitted to molesting several underage girls when he was a teenager (and later prayed the pedo away), TLC really went for it by airing a marathon of 19 Paychecks and Counting. Obviously, the marathon was scheduled to air long before the world learned that Josh Duggar is even more disgusting than we all thought. But after Josh admitted it, you’d think that maybe, just maybe, someone at TLC would hit the abort button on that marathon and replace it with episodes of I’m A 600-lb Gypsy Bride And I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant With A Little Amish Medium. (That may or may not be a real show on TLC, but I’m pretty sure it’s real.)

TLC hasn’t said anything yet about what they’re going to do with 19 Kids and that’s making the butter in No Mama June’s veins boil. TLC dropped Here Comes Honey Boo Boo in the dumpster right after a picture came out of No Mama June hanging out with the convicted pedo who allegedly abused her own daughter Chickadee. Seen above hugging on a horse’s ass (“You’ll have to be more specific, because I see two horses asses there. Horse ass-to-horse ass!” – you), June the Hutt tells TMZ that she will hit TLC with a lawsuit if they don’t put 19 Kids And Counting in the trash. June moaned about how the cancellation of her show cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars and she wants that monies if TLC keeps the Duggars on the air.

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Someone Was Sending Mama June Death Threats

Is anyone else super distracted by the gorgeous eyelashes on the human angel hovering over Mama June’s left shoulder? Just me? Ok.

Ketchup-dipped deep-fried mother of the year Mama June has been on the receiving end of some unwanted Facebook attention. You know, aside from the never-ending FarmVille requests and direct messages from prisoners that begin with “Hey, so I’m up for parole at the end of the month…“. According to TMZ, a dude named Andrew Kurt Summers threatened to shoot both Mama June and her daughter Pumpkin on Facebook. TMZ says Mama June told them she takes threats against her family very seriously (“Oh shit, we’re next!” screamed type 2 diabetes), so she called the cops.

But the police didn’t have to work very hard to find Andrew Kurt Summers; he turned himself in on Monday, and was later released on $15,000 bail. He now faces a charge of making “terroristic threats.” But Andrew Kurt Summers tells TMZ that he didn’t actually want to shoot Mama June and Pumpkin; according to Andrew, he left the comment about shooting Mama June and Pumpkin as a “joke” after hearing she was maybe dating a child molester and deciding to troll her Facebook page.

No word on who bailed Andrew Kurt Summers out, but my guess is it was Mama June. What? Andrew Kurt Summers is totally her type: a shady-looking dirtbag who is a danger to her children.

Mama June Really Does Have A Type

When we last left the sad puddle of diarrhea and rotten sketti sauce that is the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo saga, Anna “Chickadee” Cardwell had told Entertainment Tonight that she feels betrayed by Not The Mama June and it hurts seeing her pathetic excuse for a mother smiling while hanging around Mark McDaniel, the corroded ass wart who molested her when she was a little girl. Since then Anna told Dr. Drew on his HLN show that June the Hutt’s second youngest daughter Pumpkin thinks Mark McDaniel is her father. Anna said that June the Hutt has made Pumpkin believe that Mark McDaniel is her dad and that is why Pumpkin is pissed off at her right now.

Well, the creature whom Kelly LeBrock turned into a mountain of wet shit many years ago gave an interview to Entertainment Tonight and said that the convicted sex offender who molested Anna isn’t Pumpkin’s father, but a different convicted sex offender is. June the Hutt really does love those pedos. The National Sex Offender Registry is her Tinder.

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Anna “Chickadee” Cardwell Tells Entertainment Weekly That She Feels Betrayed By Mama June

No-Kind-Of-Mama June’s EXCLUSIVO interview with E! News airs tonight and from what I’ve read, it doesn’t look like she says much besides, “THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT!” You know when someone’s full of fat rich lies when they say, “THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT!” Something tells me this “truth” that Mama June speaks of will look a lot like what came out of her ass this morning after she ate her usual breakfast of deep fried sugar cubes and melted butter.

Meanwhile, June’s eldest daughter, 20-year-old Anna Cardwell, continued to speak out against her mother’s hurtful, shit decisions in an interview with Entertainment Tonight that airs tomorrow night. Anna says that it hurts her seeing her mom looking like a shiny happy piece of trash while hanging around Mark McDaniel, the convicted pedophile who molested her when she was 8. Anna has talked to June and begged her to not let that monster around 9-year-old Honey Boo Boo and 14-year-old Pumpkin. Anna says that she’s obviously hurt and feels betrayed because her mom chose a pedophile shit dingle over her.

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