Category: Mama June
And The Messiness Keeps Coming: Uncle Poodle And Pumpkin Have It Out On Social Media
“Uncle Poodle And Pumpkin Have It Out On Social Media” is a Golden Books title I never thought I’d read…
Mama June and her Country Bear Jamboree-named family should probably have it out in a closed therapist’s office before CPS busts through the doors and puts all the chirrun in the custody of a more responsible individual like Glitzy the pig or a jar of old sketti sauce. But since Mama June has proved that she’s full of a lot of things and sense isn’t one of them, she’s not doing that. Instead, they’re airing out their shit-stained, barf-covered laundry all over Facebook and Instagram.
The messiness started last night when Mama June’s daughter, 14-year-old Pumpkin, shanked at the Instagram users who called out her mom as the shittiest parent of the century for dating the convicted pedophile that her own daughter accused of molesting her when she was 8. Instagram is now covered in pumpkin seeds and gunk, because Pumpkin exploded and accused Anna of lying about the molestation and then called out Sugar Bear’s brother Uncle Poodle as the one who started the quick demise of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo by selling fake stories to TMZ because he needs the cash.
Mama June Reportedly Cheated On Sugar Bear With Her Child Molester Boyfriend
All weekend long, TMZ burped up receipt after receipt after receipt that continued to bury the caca river of denials that Mama June shat up after it was reported that she’s been seeing a convicted pedophile who molested her eldest daughter, Anna “Chickadee” Cardwell, ten years ago. TMZ spit up pictures of Mama June shopping for a place she and her registered sex offender boyfriend Mark McDaniel can play house in and pictures of her allegedly buying a Nissan for the trash who abused her daughter. The rotten, corroded shit cherry on top of the barf berry cake is a picture of June’s Pedobear boyfriend hanging out with Honey Boo Boo. Meanwhile in the Ninth Circle, Lucifer’s minions are busy engraving Mama June’s name on the door that leads to Hell’s special place.
A Gross, Shitty Situation Just Got Grosser And Shittier (UPDATE)
The whole “Mama June dating a convicted child molester” situation was already ten layers of barf wrapped in twenty layers of shit and dipped in pure awful, but it gets worse and I didn’t think that was possible. TMZ says that Mama June’s eldest daughter, 20-year-old Anna “Chickadee” Cardwell, wants people to know that she was the one who was molested by her mom’s alleged boyfriend Mark McDaniel. This is your cue to heave your way over to a video of a cat sleeping on a red bell pepper.
TLC dumped Here Comes Honey Boo Boo in the trash bin today after they discovered information that proves that Mama June really is dating the piece of shit who spent 10 years in prison for molesting an 8-year-old girl. He got out of prison in March and Mama June has been seeing him ever since, allegedly. Mama June screamed “LIES!” and claimed she hasn’t seen him in 10 years, but TLC didn’t believe her after they found out she went shopping for a car for her child touching boyfriend.
TMZ says that at first, Anna believed her mom and thought it was just a made-up lie. But Anna started to get more and more information that made her believe that Mama June has been filling her ears with deep fried lies and has betrayed in the worst way by dating the trash who abused her. Anna is letting it be known that she’s the victim because she wants everyone to know that Mama June is fifty tons of pure evil.
Anna wants it known she’s the victim because it makes what her mom is doing all the more egregious. We’re told Anna feels her relationship with her mom has been destroyed, and the only way June can see her granddaughter is if McDaniel is nowhere to be seen.
Gawker says that Anna spent most of her life living with her memaw. Anna’s memaw raised her and she moved back in with Mama June to shoot the show. Anna gave birth to a girl on the show when she was 17 and earlier this year married a guy she was dating for 2 years.
I knew Mama June was trash, but I thought she was the good kind of trash. I will never ever trust scripted reality TV again!
Jesus, take the wheel, pick up Uncle Poodle, drive by June the Hutt’s lair of evil, throw Honey Boo Boo and her sisters in the car and drive far, far away. I mean, when you make Pimp Mama Kris and Kate Gosselin look like legitimate Mothers of the Year…
UPDATE: Anna tells Radar that her relationship with Mama June is pretty much dead.
“I believe she is seeing him and hanging around him. I’m hurt. I think me and Mama’s relationship may well be over.”
Radar also says Anna’s abuser didn’t go to prison for molesting her. That case was later dismissed. He went to prison for a different molestation case.
And There Goes Honey Boo Boo…..
Just one day after TMZ puked up a two-week-old picture of Mama June cuddling up next to the ex-piece who just finished serving 10 years in the chokey for molesting one of her 8-year-old relatives, TLC derailed the sketti sauce train and cut their losses while watching it crash and burn. The makers of diabetes meds are in the fetal position under their desks this morning, because the show they counted on to push more product is done. A entire season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was shot, but TLC is not airing it and has canceled the show over the allegations that Mama June is dating a convicted child molester. TLC executives fed cheese balls and sketti sauce to a bull and waited around until it shit up this pile of bullshit:
“Supporting the health and welfare of these remarkable children is our only priority. TLC is faithfully committed to the children’s ongoing comfort and well-being.”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Mama June Is Really Going For That “Mother Of The Century” Award, I See
Here’s runny vom vom up my froat, because TMZ says that Mama June has really taken the bad decisions cake, gobbled it whole, threw it up and then ate it again by dating a convicted child molester who just get out of prison. Yeah, Mama June put Sugar Bear on the curb for flirting with some chicks he met on a dating site and has allegedly moved on to a child touching monster. Well, if scientists were wondering if eating massive amounts of sketti sauce and cheese balls rots the part of your brain that operates your sense of reason, they got their answer.
Here I was thinking that Mama June and Sugar Bear’s break up was just a good old fashioned scripted stunt for Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, but it turns out that America’s First Family of Class really has broken into a million pieces and slipped down into the gutter. A source tells TMZ that Mama June’s new piece is Mark McDaniel, a 53-year-old piece of trash who was convicted of aggravated child molestation for molesting an 8-year-old girl. He was sent to prison for 10 years. Mama June dated him when he molested the girl and the girl is one of her relatives. Yeah, so this is just a Big Gulp of GROSS.
The source says that Mark McDaniel got out of prison in March and it didn’t take long for him and Mama June to hook up again. While Honey Boo Boo was shooting, Mama June allegedly snuck out of the house to spend time with her sex offender boo. TMZ has a picture of them snuggling in a hotel bed together if you really want to spend a few minutes of your day cleaning barf off of your screen after two waves of puke shot out of your eye sockets.
TLC told TMZ that Honey Boo Boo isn’t in production right now and “we are very concerned about this new information and are reassessing the future of the series.” Translation: “After learning this information, we have renewed Here Comes Honey Boo Boo for 5 more seasons, because rating$$$$!”
Mama June hasn’t farted up a statement about this yet, but a Dlisted reader sent me screen shots of her (or someone who has access to the Honey Boo Boo FB account) response (which she or someone else later deleted) in a thread on Facebook about this heave-inducing story. Mama June is allegedly screaming ‘SHOPPED and denies sleeping with the enemy:
Mama June has a history of humping on felons, so sadly this wouldn’t be that shocking if it was true. If it’s true, then Mama June doesn’t have to worry about the gnats nibbling the cheese on her Forklift Foot anymore, because even they will be so grossed out that they’d quit her for good. And TLC should probably change the name of the show to: RUN, HONEY BOO, RUUUUUN!
Final Proof That True Love Is And Has Always Been A Lie: America’s Royal Couple Has Separated
QUICK! Everyone form a protective circle around Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon, because 2014 is really taking a machete to the meaning of real love and none of our favorite couples are safe!
Most of you are still lying on the floor in a pile of sadness after reading about the tragic death of Canada’s royal couple and this truly sad news is going to make you want to pull yourself off of the floor and fall down again while screaming, “NO! NO! NO!” TMZ says that the couple I thought would last forever (served with zero sarcasm) has broken up. Mama June has taken off her commitment ring and dumped Sugar Bear after finding out that he’s been trolling dating sites for new ass. Sugar Bear put up profiles on dating sites including PlentyOfFish.com. You know, Sugar Bear is as slow as Mama June’s metabolism, so maybe he thought that PlentyOfFish.com was a website where you buy actual fish?
TMZ has a screen shot of Sugar Bear’s profile. He calls himself Georgiafighter31054 and says he loves to hunt fish and ride 4 wheelers. Mama June believe in her diabetes-filled heart of diabetes-filled hearts that Sugar Bear’s been sticking his sugar dick in other tricks. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is shooting right now and once they’re done, she’s going to pack up her tribe of deep fried dumplings and move out of the house. She’s going to move closer to her relatives. Mama June and Sugar Bear released this sad-inducing statement to TMZ:
“Sugar Bear and I have decided to take some time apart to figure out some things in our relationship. We are taking things day by day but regardless of what happens the girls will always be our #1 priority. We want to thank ya’ll for your support.”
This has to be a shameless stunt for the finale of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. This world cannot go on without Sugar Bear gently sticking his peen between Mama June’s luscious stack of Pringles chins and fighting off the gnats to nibble off the corns from her forklift foot. That’s real love. My heart is broken and not even a gallon of sketti sauce can mend it together.
Here’s Mama June and Sugar Bear during happier times at Extra or Access Hollywood (or whatever show that twat Mario Lopez hosts) last year.
Pics: Wenn.com