It’s been a minute since we’ve heard any news about mother of every year “Mama June” Shannon. I’d assumed that in her downtime she was just sitting around on the front porch; gnats gnawin’ on forklift foot while gummin’ on sketti and waiting for her next opportunity to assault our eyes and ears and exploit her poor daughters in front of a TV camera. Apparently, it isn’t safe to assume that hearing no news about her is good news, because the “Matron of Marannaise” herself was spending her time putting in the work to further fuck up her family members’ lives and got secret quickie-married two months ago to her newest questionable decision.
As any of you who have been following the fucked-up love life of fucked-up mother Mama June knows, her current boyfriend, Gene Doak is a disaster (exhibits: A, B and C), and is only one of her better boyfriends because he didn’t molest her own daughter. So I mean… the bar is pretty low. And now Geno is continuing to show how he’s only a slight improvement by drunkenly crashing his SUV into June’s garage.
We’re getting some more information on Mama June’s arrest last week. Mama June and her boyfriend Geno Doak were arrested at an Alabama gas station last Friday and charged with drug possession. The were arrested holding: crack cocaine, a needle and a crack pipe. And that’s not all, TMZ is reporting that before the arrest, Geno also threatened to kill Mama June. And not just kill her by getting her hooked on crack, he meant murder-kill her.
General dreg of humanity and parenting icon “Mama June” Shannon and her boyfriend Geno Doak were arrested for felony drug possession at an Alabama gas station on Wednesday. TMZ reports that the police were called in to handle a domestic incident between the two and that’s when the crack cocaine was discovered on them. If Mama June’s life had a magic 8 ball (the toy kind), “arrested for crack cocaine possession at a gas station in Alabama after a domestic violence incident” would be the answer every time you shook it, so this incident doesn’t really qualify as shocking.
Former messy reality TV sweetheart turned societal outcast (for VERY good reasons) “Mama June” Shannon lost some weight, as you probably know if you watched her latest reality shit show Mama June: From Not To Hot. That’s an after picture. It looks like she even lost the forklift foot. Either that or the photographer was generous with angles.
To get that look, Mama June supposedly dropped a lot of personal baggage.
June claims to have lost 300 lbs … this after getting gastric sleeve surgery back in 2016. She also had breast augmentation and skin removal on her neck and stomach. All tolled, 9 pounds of skin was removed.
If Mama June hadn’t subjected her own children to her unfortunate fetish for pedophiles, you might congratulate her on her achievement. Sure, she looks like if Lisa Frank had a sister who was a real-life extra in The Florida Project, but weight loss! However no, she’s fairly reprehensible. TMZ reports that this pic is a still from her show. And it looks like the one daughter who might still talk to her, Alana “Honey Boo-Boo” Thompson, gained the weight that June lost. You’d stress-eat, too, if you aged out of the child pageant circuit and had to spend the rest of your existence playing sidekick to this monstrosity.
If you haven’t been following the basic cable journey of pedo-enabling monster Mama June and her transformation from a chunky child-ruining demon into a skinny child-ruining demon, then you’re probably looking at that picture while thinking that another April Fools’ joke has been dropped on you. But that’s really what Mama June looks like now. The world of fine gourmet cuisine is definitely shedding several tears today, because it looks like Mama June isn’t going to make her signature dish sketti sauce anytime soon….