The first Downton Abbey movie was the final flick I watched in theatres before the pandemic. The plot was thinner than Rachel Zoe’s client roster circa 2005, but I enjoyed it immensely (thanks edibles!). So I will go see the sequel, Downton Abbey: A New Era, only in theatres on March 18. The trailer was released today, and it looks like fancy fluff. Except, this time, some of the story will be set in a spectacular villa in the south of France. Turns out Maggie Smith’s character boinked a wealthy Frenchman in her youth, and now she’s inherited his mansion. It’s a helpful lesson for young people everywhere: fuck the rich. You never know which one will leave you a villa in their willa!
If you watched the Emmys, then you know that Jimmy Kimmel made a big joke about how Dame Maggie Smith is too good to come to the Emmys. Jimmy joked that this year they were enforcing the “Maggie Smith Rule“, which states that if you’re not present to collect your award, it automatically goes to the next person on the nominee list. Maggie Smith has been nominated for nine Emmy awards, all Outstanding Actress and Outstanding Supporting Actress, and hasn’t shown up once. Minnie Driver and Michael Weatherly presented the Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series Emmy on Sunday, and when Maggie won, Jimmy stepped in, grabbed the award and said that her award will be waiting for her in the lost and found.
Any way to make a little extra cash, I guess. I’m joking, of course; as fas as I know, Kanye West hasn’t released a line of formal pantyhose refugee rags. I do, however, know that Rooney Mara’s Mad Max-meets-washing your dirty lace panties in the sink look from the BAFTAs last night is courtesy of Kanye’s best boo Riccardo Tisci and Givenchy, which actually makes a lot of sense.
I bet this dress started out as a sketch for a normal red carpet gown, but then Riccardo made the mistake of showing it to Kanye during one of their Friday night No Kims Allowed sleepovers in France. That’s when Kanye whipped out his favorite beige marker and book of funeral home curtain samples and turned it into the decomposing hobo bride couture you see above. And of course Rooney loved it, because she loves looking like a haunted vintage doll on prom night.
Rooney Mara wasn’t the only one who showed up to the British Oscars looking like a damp mess. Her Carol co-star Cate Blanchett, who usually gives ten tons of WTF excellence, showed up in some kind of tapestry on the top/goth Christmas Tree garland on the bottom thing. Although it does look like her tapestry is spreading down her body like an expensive rash, and Rich Lady Rash is a look I can get behind.
Here’s more fancy-dressed famous types from last night, including Kate Winslet looking like a chick whose goal is to bang Gordon Gekko and Kate Capshaw giving you “I cut my bangs in the limo on the ride over!” realness.
Who am I kidding? Unless it’s a statue of a little naked gold man covering his junk with a sword, that award is going straight in the trash. No, I’m sure Leonardo DiCaprio was very happy to win his very first BAFTA this weekend. After all, it gave him an opportunity to practice his “OMG really? Me?” face for the Oscars.
So, as if you couldn’t have already guessed by all your grizzly bear friends going crazy on your Facebook timeline last night, The Revenant won a whole mess of BAFTAs. Cold Sad Leo took home the award for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Cinematography, Best Sound, but most importantly, Best Actor for Leo. This is also the closest Leo has gotten to winning all five of the most important acting awards. I swear to god, if for some reason Leo doesn’t win Best Actor at the Academy Awards and it turns out that this awards season has been one long Carrie-style prank, then everybody in the Dolby Theatre better say goodbye to their loved ones, because Leo will set them all on fire with his mind.
But something even more exciting than winning an award happened to Leo last night. That’s right, he got to kiss on Dame Maggie Smith!
I was chasing the Tylenol lizard last night (aka I was sick), so I didn’t watch the BAFTAs. But it looks like I clearly should have. I didn’t know they got all horny and made out at these things. If the Oscars wants people to stick around and watch all 1,824 hours of that shit, they should really borrow from the BAFTAs and throw in a mid-show make-out break. And if they really want those Nielsen ratings, they could change it from kissing to full-on fucking. “Sure, whatever it takes to get that Oscar” said Leo, as he mentally prepared to fuck the middle-aged puppet from Anomalisa.
Here’s more of Leo with his Valentine (an award) in the BAFTAs press room with a teeny-tiny Tom Cruise and the angel that has made all his award season dreams come true, Alejandro Iñárritu.
I know a certain closet case former state rep who just did a for real death drop on his floor (which is an exact recreation of the one at Highclere Castle, natch) over this. All of those screaming and suicidal One Direction tweens can now welcome newly screaming and suicidal women and gays to their candlelight vigil. Downton Abbey is officially done with Season 6. I know, you cannot find the words to say how you feel.
Executive producer Gareth Neame released a statement about the Dowager Countess Maggie Smith, sexy silver fox the Earl of Grantham (don’t judge), and the rest of those uptight and extremely pale types closing the doors after the upcoming season. Can I have that Branson dude now that they don’t need him anymore? Rraow.
(via TV Line)
Millions of people around the world have followed the journey of the Crawley family and those who serve them for the last five years. Inevitably there comes a time when all shows should end and Downton is no exception. We wanted to close the doors of Downton Abbey when it felt right and natural for the storylines to come together and when the show was still being enjoyed so much by its fans. We can promise a final season full of all the usual drama and intrigue, but with the added excitement of discovering how and where they all end up…
I’ve only watched the show a couple of times. But I know of the Dowager Countess. She better end up annoyedly flapping her fan as the Queen’s new Official Thrower of Shade. That bitch is so shady. She’s like an awning mixed with an umbrella accompanied by a leafy tree. Love her. And I hope she takes out Elizabeth McGovern’s character’s sing-songy, annoying ass in the end. You were so good wearing clogs and comforting a young Timothy Hutton in Ordinary People, Elizabeth. What happened?