The Time A Pod Of Porpoises Saved Dick Van Dyke’s Life

November 11, 2010 / Posted by: Michael K

This is a magical and wonderful story that proves that miracles (and naturally induced acid trips) happen every single day. Dick Van Dyke (PC version: Penis Van Lesbian) was surfing out in the ocean one day when he decided that it was the perfect place for him to take a little mimis. You know, because the elderly have this beautiful gift called BEING ABLE TO TAKE A NAP ANYWHERE. So Dick drifted off into the land of dreams and I’ll let him take it from here….

“I woke up out of sight of land. I started paddling with the swells and I started seeing fins swimming around me and I thought ‘I’m dead!’ They turned out to be porpoises. And they pushed me all the way to shore.”

And then shortly after he collapsed at the foot of a rainbow, a family of penguins flapped him dry and hundreds of crabs brought him a cold glass filled with tropical flavored Metamucil. The glorious melody of the porpoises cheering traveled to his ears and just when he was about to put his parched lips over the straw, his ass woke up in an overflowing bath tub and the annoying sound of his “Dolphin Dream” CD skipping. The end.

(Thanks to all who sent this in)

Tags: Beautifulest, Pepaws, This Belongs In A Museum, Why Are You Pulling My Dick?

Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or post comments like "Who cares?", or have multiple accounts, or repost a comment that was deleted by a mod, or post NSFW pics/videos/GIFs, or go off topic when not in an Open Post, or post paparazzi/event/red carpet pics from photo agencies due to copyright infringement issues. Also, promoting adblockers, your website, or your forum is not allowed. Breaking a rule may result in your Disqus account getting permanently or temporarily banned. New commenters must go through a period of pre-moderation. And some posts may be pre-moderated so it could take a minute for your comment to appear if it's approved. If you have a question or an issue with comments, email: [email protected]