97-Year-Old Dick Van Dyke Crashed His Car Into A Gate And Suffered Minor Injuries
Damn, dolphins! You had one job to do! TMZ reports that Dick Van Dyke, one of the world’s last remaining INTERNATIONAL TREASURES, folded his lanky 97-year-old ass into his 2018 Lexus LS 500 and crashed into a gate. Thank goodness that “he managed to avoid serious injury” and no thanks to his pod of guardian dolphins who pushed him to shore in 2010 when he fell asleep while surfing and drifted off to sea. No! Don’t scream “ACKACKACKACKACK” at me, you rubbery little freaks, I know he was on land, but if you save Dick Van Dyke once, you’ve agreed to save him for life. I hope you all get turned into tuna fish for what you’ve done.
According to TMZ, the crash happened in Malibu. Which is close enough to the ocean that they should have been able to get to him on time as he was careening towards them in the rain.
Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … police responded to a call of a single-car accident last Wednesday morning, and when deputies arrived they found Dick behind the wheel of a 2018 Lexus LS 500 which he’d crashed into a gate.
Our sources say the 97-year-old film and TV legend told cops his car slid and he lost control before slamming into the gate. The streets were wet from the nonstop rain L.A.’s been getting.
As for Dick’s injuries … we’re told he was bleeding from the nose and mouth and might have suffered a concussion. Paramedics treated him at the scene, and he had no interest in going to a hospital.
This is not Dick’s first time having trouble behind the wheel. In 2013, Dick had to be pulled out of his burning Jaguar after CHP received reports of a vehicle on fire on the 101 freeway in Calabasas. According to The LA Times, Dick didn’t appear to even know it was on fire, I guess he was just sitting in it all “chim chim cher-ee-oo!” And again, where were the dolphins? Even if they couldn’t make it all the way onto the freeway, they could have at least splashed a little water his way. TMZ adds:
Our sources say drugs and alcohol were NOT involved … though cops have submitted paperwork to the DMV requesting a driving retest for Dick, with one of the factors being his age.
We’re told someone picked him up, so he didn’t have to drive home from the scene.
Dick is married, so maybe it was his wife, Arlene Silver, who is 46 years his junior. Oh, stop your “ACKACKACKACK”ing… Oh wait, what’s that now? Uh huh? Uh huh? Uh huh? OK, well you do make a good point. Guys, the dolphins have just informed me that according to their code of hi-jinks and the high seas, “any man who shall wed while in our protection, shall forfeit said protections and they are transferred to the spouse.” Dick and Arlene married in 2013, so the dolphins are absolved. So it is ACKACKACKACKED, so it shall be.
Pic: Instagram