Category: Get It Girl
Jenny Slate And Captain America Are A Thing Now
That picture of Jenny Slate with Chris Evans was taken when they were both on Anna Faris’ podcast, and their glazed-over shiny eyes could be from the camera flash, but I’m going to choose to believe it’s from spending all day and all night humping their fuck parts off. As for why Anna Faris and Chris Pratt’s eyes are like that too, they have a 3 year old, so I’m guessing they were smoking crack all day to deal with a hyperactive screaming child.
Rihanna And Drake May Have Been Dating On The Down-Low For Months
The last time we checked in on RiRi and Wheelchair Jimmy, they were grinding against each other like two horny students at the Degrassi High spring dance in both of her videos for “Work.” But as far as anyone knew, they weren’t dating. Then last week, Drake described his relationship with Rihanna in kind of more-than-friends way (at least to me) by saying they “do well as a team“, that they’re “not forcing some story on people“, and that they have a “genuine energy.” Now People is saying that – SURPRISE – they’ve been dating this whole time. We just haven’t heard about it because they’ve been dating in ~secret~.
A source says they’ve been secretly dating “for months.” I immediately pictured the source as an excited Drake twirling the cord of his princess phone around his finger while scribbling Mr. Wheelchair Rihanna in his Raptors notebook. A different source tells UsWeekly that they’re “definitely hooking up“, while another says they were spotted acting cutesy at The Nice Guy last night. According to that source, they were together the whole night with their arms around each other and looked “affectionate.” Okay, but to be honest, I’m pretty sure “affectionate” is Drake’s default setting. Meanwhile, another source tells UsWeekly that they’re “just friends.” Which would make sense, because hooking up with dudes is RiRi’s default setting.
I 100% approve this relationship happening again, if only because I really want to see what happens when Drake brings Rihanna to Toronto for a romantic hometown visit. It will be just like The Bachelor, but RiRi style. Instead of having brunch with his mother at home, they’ll all share a bag of Taco Bell while getting lap dances at the Brass Rail. And instead of taking a ride up to the top of the CN Tower and watching the sunset, they can stay on the ground and take a bunch of forced-perspective pictures that make it look like they’re smoking a giant concrete joint. Maybe if they’re lucky, it will be a foggy day and they’ll light the tower up with the red lights that make it look like it’s burning. God, could it get any more romantic?
Pic: Splash
Possible Coachella Hookup Alert: Jared Leto And Halsey
If Leo DiCaprio is the king of Coachella, then I think it’s safe to say that Jared Leto is the prince. And it appears he might have taken a princess this weekend at the annual jorts convention. The lucky lady in question is singer and victim of social media abuse Halsey. There’s a 23-year age difference between these two, but damn if they don’t look like they were born within seconds of each other. I’m sure the internet is furiously typing hipster Wonder Twins fanfic about these two as we speak.
A few pictures of Jared Leto looking like a late-in-life Jordan Catalano while hugging on Halsey at Coachella hit the internet this morning. I know they say a picture is worth 1000 words, but these pictures require the following: They’re doing it, right?
Jared Leto gets flirty at Coachella https://t.co/XJahm1XaYF pic.twitter.com/8QrcRrhu7j
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) April 18, 2016
People says Jared and Halsey – who was there to perform – were also seen “standing together” while watching a performance. I took a few online body language classes before my credit card was declined, so I consider myself a bit of an expert. Now, I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure Halsey and Jared’s twisted-up bodies and close-standing say “We just hooked up in a VIP tent.” I don’t know if Coachella actually provides VIP tents for sloppy mid-day hookups for famous people, but I would assume so. Coachella is nothing but an authentic festival experience.
Of course, this could just be two friends who took a bit too much E and couldn’t stop snuggling with each others auras (it happens). Or maybe Halsey got day drunk and mistook Jared for her maybe-girlfriend Ruby Rose. That would be the most convincing excuse if it gets to that point. “I honestly thought it was you! Although now that I think about it, the giant hard thing pressing into my lower back clearly wasn’t a smuggled-in bottle of booze.”
Pics: Wenn.com
Selena Gomez Is Reportedly Doing Someone Who Isn’t Justin Bieber
Last week, there were whispers that Selena Gomez was once again rubbing her dickmatized parts on Justin Bieber. Or at least, according to E! News, making plans to do so once their tours were over. I’m inclined to believe it’s the latter; Justin barely has the energy to pose backstage for pictures, so I highly doubt he has the six seconds of energy it takes him to bust a bratty nut. But Selena’s parts obviously needed something in the meantime, and it looks like she’s found a temporary replacement to take care of her casual fucking needs.
UsWeekly says Selena is currently banging “See You Again” singer Charlie Puth, seen above making the same face I make when I remember that there’s still one butter tart left in the six-pack. A source says they’re just hooking up and it’s not that serious, but adds that Selena is “super into him.” Charlie and Selena have apparently been friends since they met at an MTV Video Music Awards party back in August. Selena recorded a duet with Charlie for his debut album, and he’s opening for her in Anaheim on her Revival tour.
Neither Selena or Charlie have confirmed whether they’re doing it, and a friend of Selena’s claims it’s just a “flirty friendship.”
I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I barely know anything about Charlie Puth. I do know that he said the words “Fuck you, Justin Bieber” while performing that duet he recorded with Selena during a concert a few weeks ago. With that being said, I think I’m leaning towards ‘good thing.’
Pic: Instagram
Maria Bello Traded In Her Girlfriend For A 29-Year-Old Guy Friend
You’re actually looking at a picture of all three people from the title. On the left, we have Maria Bello. In the middle, we have Maria Bello’s now-former girlfriend Clare Munn. On the right, we have the 29-year-old she replaced her girlfriend with. However, this picture wasn’t taken during the Craigslist-style new partner parking lot exchange. It was taken at an event a year ago, when Maria was still with Clare. To quote The Ashleys from Recess, “Scandalous!”
Back in 2013, Maria Bello wrote an op-ed piece for The New York Times wherein she announced to the world that she’s bi and was dating her best friend, Clare. Obviously something happened between then and now, because UsWeekly says that Maria isn’t doing Clare anymore. They also say that for the past six months, she’s been having her 48-year-old business worked on by a 29-year-old actor/musician named Elijah Allan-Blitz.
One of Maria’s friends tells UsWeekly that Maria and Elijah were friends before they got together back in August. However, they didn’t mention whether or not Elijah is a scissor-dulling home wrecker of the highest order, which is really too bad, because that’s all a drama-loving trash rat like me cares about. Although if I had to guess, Clare probably figured it out long before it came to that. Besides “getting that dick“, there’s no good reason for why a 48-year-old woman would be in a just-friends situation with a 29-year-old aspiring actor/model pretty boy. Honestly, that sounds like a creative punishment thought up by a judge. “I sentence you to 100 non-sexual hours of listening to this millennial talk about how Diplo is a better DJ than Calvin Harris.”
Here are some more pictures of Maria and Clare and Elijah taken shortly before Elijah made the transition from third wheel to Maria Bello’s full-time boyfriend.
Pics: Wenn.com
Henry Cavill And His 19-Year-Old Piece Are Still Together
When I first wrote about Henry Cavill and his college freshmen piece, I figured it would last about forty five seconds and he’d quickly be seen taking a completely natural and not-at-all staged walk in front of the paparazzi with one of the Pretty Little Liars chicks or someone like that. But I underestimated the strength of love (and a long-term contract) because 32-year-old Henry and 19-year-old Brit Tara King are still a thing. To quote Huey Lewis & The News, “The power of love is a curious thing.” “Um, what’s a Huey Lewis and what’s a The News,” asked Tara King who was born over 10 years after that song came out.
Henry and Tara were first seen together last October and The Daily Mail (via Celebitchy) says that they spent the holidays with each other. Henry and Tara spread their genuine love through New Zealand during her university’s “reading week” (which is supposed to be spent studying but is mostly spent partying). Henry also took Tara to meet his family in Jersey (not the state in America that Chris Christie is the governor of):
‘A lot of people wondered if the relationship would last, but this shows it’s serious, despite the age difference,’ a friend of the actor tells me.
The New Zealand adventure came two weeks after Tara joined Henry in Jersey, where he was born. Two months before that, Henry took Tara to China.
I’m around Henry Cavill’s age and there’s no way I could date a 19-year-old. It wouldn’t work out. I’d have to dump their ass as soon as a bar kicked them out for being underage. I’m sorry but nobody gets between me and happy hour, bitch.
But I say, get that Superman ass while you can, Tara. The good news for Tara is that the legal boozing age in Britain is 18, so she can legally enjoy a glass of cognac while lying on Henry Cavill’s bear rug of a stomach.
Also, this is apparently Tara’s hand in this picture:
That picture has made me ask the question: Would you give Henry Cavill’s butt chin a rim job?
Pic: Weibo via @HenryCavillNews