Catherine Zeta-Jones Posed For Her Life Last Night

So many tricks on the red carpet stand there like a hungry and half-comatose zombie and earn themselves an F- in pose game. But Catherine Zeta-Jones always gets it and at the London premiere of some movie called Daddy’s Army (which sounds like the name of Kevin Spacey’s favorite military-themed gay porn) she delivered chichis and leg in front of photographers. Bitch worked it like an overachieving 2nd year Barbizon student trying to get an A in posing on her finals. (Side note: We actually didn’t have finals at Barbizon, but if we did, I would’ve been held back.) You can almost hear CZJ say, “Eat it, St. Angie,” as she sticks out her fame whoring leg and makes the most out of that knock-off Jessica McClintock bridesmaid dress. The wind even tried to trip her up by almost exposing her cancer-dispensing coochie to the world, but she was not having it this time. Show them, CZJ!

Pics: Wenn.com

Katy Perry And Orlando Bloom Were Seen “Flirting” With Each Other After The Golden Globes

According to pretty much EVERYONE (but specifically Vanity Fair, UsWeekly, E!, and People), Katy Perry – the Golden Globes presenter that made the majority of viewers turn to the person sitting beside them and whisper “Wait, why is she here?“, and Orlando Bloom – the Golden Globes presenter who I initially thought was a cleaned-up Charlie Sheen, might be a thing that is happening.

A whole bunch of blabbermouths who attended Harvey Weinstein’s afterparty squealed on Katy and Orlando by claiming they spent a good chunk of the night together doing the following: whispering, flirting, being flirty, leaning in close, getting super cozy, “sharing a vape pen“, and dancing together. One source added that Orlando would “touch the small of her back” when talking to her. The small of her back? Calm down, you two! It’s Harvey Weinstein’s Golden Globes afterparty, not the orgy scene from Caligula.

Obviously, Katy and Orlando’s G-rated middle school dance antics could be nothing more than two drunk n’ horny famous types who accidentally brushed up against each other on the way to the bar and were like “Oooh, let’s do that again, but on purpose.” Or maybe hooking up with some random dick like Orlando was Katy checking off Step 4 in her 12-Step dickmatization recovery program. That’s probably it.

Because it was one of the hottest looks of the night, here’s more of Katy Perry looking like the first runner-up in something called a Miss Atlantic Titty pageant.

Pics: Getty, Splash, Wenn.com

Ryan Phillippe Is Getting Married To His 24-Year-Old Girlfriend

“Well, that’s…special” thought his 16-year-old daughter.

According to UsWeekly, 41-year-old Ryan Phillippe has decided to make 24-year-old law student Paulina Slagter his second wife. A source (Hi Paulina!) says that Reese Witherspoon’s ex-husband proposed on Christmas and celebrated their engagement in Miami shortly after. Normally the news that an almost-middle-aged famous-type father of three proposed to some random model-looking 24-year-old would make me reach for my trusty Joan “judging all of this” Holloway gif, but apparently they’ve been together for four years. So…maybe it’s true love? Somewhere on the internet, that Joan Holloway gif just started judging me.

I have the memory of a not-smart goldfish (you know, the one you find tangled in the plastic tank plants at PetSmart), so my brain started typing up a bunch of question marks when I read the name “Paulina Slagter“. I thought Ryan was still with the mother of his third kid, Alexis Knapp, but that’s clearly not the case. Regardless, I do hope Paulina decides to keep her last name after they get married. First of all, any name that contains the word slag is perfect and wonderful and must not be changed in any way. Second, her name is perfect for a “Slagter? I hardly know ‘er!” joke, because really, I honestly hardly know her.

Obviously the part I should be caring about is the size of the rock currently cramping up the muscles in her ring finger, but all I can think about is how jealous I am of everyone who gets invited to Ryan and Paulina’s wedding. Ryan is on good terms with his ex-wife, which means there’s always a chance she’ll be there. And if she’s there, and there’s an open bar, there’s a very good chance they’ll all be treated to Reese’s dope drunk mom wedding dance moves.

Pic: Splash

Babwawawa Weally, Weally Wants To Scwew Bwadwee Coopah

The name of the vibrator in Babwawawa’s side table isn’t “Selfie,” it’s Bwadwee!

Barbara Walters still does her 10 Most Fascinating People list and everyone on it is usually the direct opposite of fascinating and that includes Bradley Cooper. But now I know why Babwa put B. Coop on her list. She just wanted to let him know in person that she’d fuck him until they were both suffering from severe dehydration, and even then, she’d hook them both up to IVs and fuck on him some more. Those who say that Babwa is no longer the hard-hitting serious journalist she once was need to slather their words with KY and eat them hard. Babwa is still hard-hitting, meaning she wants to hit B. Coop’s ass hard. During their interview, Babwa let B. Coop know that he’s vewwy vewwy scwewable.

Babwa: “I could just sit and stare at you, but that would take too much time. But I, I find you very screwable.”

B. Coop: “Thank you. I think that I’ve grown to stop thinking about it. … But sometimes I feel better than others. Yeah, I think it has a lot to do with feeling comfortable with yourself. And I know that I’m more comfortable with myself than I’ve ever been in my life, so maybe that makes me more attractive.”

Barbara Walters has done a lot in life, but I see that she still has goals and one of those goals is to be a late-in-life beard. Get that contract, Babwa! But really, Barbara Walters has only won one Peabody in her entire career, which is crazy. But I’m sure she’ll get another one for her interview with B. Coop. Because it takes a special gift to make Bradley Cooper melt into a puddle of embarrassment while thinking about how the legendary journalist in front of him wants to sit on his face and wide until she’s waw.

Pics: Wenn.com, ABC

Adele Is Officially The Reigning Ruler Of The Charts

That Saturday Night Live skit spoke the damn truth. Everybody from your racist auntie to your grandma lives, breathes, eats, snorts, injects, butt chugs and inhales Adele, because pretty much everybody bought her new album. If you didn’t buy it, you probably feel the same way I felt on the first day of the 3rd grade when every brat showed up with British Knights on their feet and I showed up with generic brand Vans. Billboard says that *NSYNC’s 2000 album No Strings Attached used to hold the single week sales record until Adele came along and slapped the curl right out of Justin Timberlake’s glorious caramel popcorn hair. Adele beat the record in a little over 3 days.

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Ben Affleck’s Ex-Nanny/Maybe Side Piece Is Now Living It Up In The Bahamas

Before Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s nanny Mindy Mann was the nanny/husband fucker of the moment, Christine Ouzounian was ruling the nanny/side ho/shameless attention whore game. Christine the Nanny was racking up those fame whore credits by cruising down the stroll in her drop top Lexus and posing for staged paparazzi bikini shoots. But then she sort of disappeared and I figured she was laying low while working on her tell-all, a spread in Hustler and an Oxygen reality show. Well, Entertainment Tonight says that you shouldn’t expect Christine to make the most out of her 5 seconds of fame by reenacting her alleged affair with Ben Affleck in a soft-core porn titled The Hand That Rocked Batman’s Dick, because she’s currently living in the Bahamas with a dude she used to be engaged to.

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