Jenny Slate And Captain America Are A Thing Now

May 11, 2016 / Posted by:

That picture of Jenny Slate with Chris Evans was taken when they were both on Anna Faris’ podcast, and their glazed-over shiny eyes could be from the camera flash, but I’m going to choose to believe it’s from spending all day and all night humping their fuck parts off. As for why Anna Faris and Chris Pratt’s eyes are like that too, they have a 3 year old, so I’m guessing they were smoking crack all day to deal with a hyperactive screaming child.

UsWeekly says that Jenny Slate (aka Donna from Obvious Child, Marcel the Shell, Tammy from Bob’s Burgers, Mona-Lisa from Parks and Rec, and the only sort-of likable character in Girls) has hopped on the Captain America ride and has been getting on that patriotic dick since at least March. A source claims that in March, Jenny and Chris went on a double with his brother Scott Evans and Scott’s piece at a restaurant called Magnolia in Hollywood. Jenny and Chris apparently first met on the set of the movie Gifted, which they shot late last year. Jenny said this on Anna Faris’ podcast about Chris’ ass:

“I didn’t know what to expect when I met Chris. I was a little scared because I kind of felt like, Well, I don’t know him. He’s a giant man with huge muscles and he’s Captain America. How could we ever connect? [But the] first night that we hung out, I was like, Wow, I could hang out with Chris for, like, 90 hours.”

I can hear the panting in her voice! By “hang out” she means wrap her chocha around that good ole’ Boston bro peen for 90 hours straight.

A little over a week ago, it was reported that Jenny and her husband of four years, Dean Fleischer-Camp, broke up. Sources said that nothing ESCANDALOSO happened. They just grew apart. Uh huh, I guess it’s hard to be together when one of you is playing “America the Beautiful” with your genitals on Captain America’s skin flute. Chris has been linked with pretty much everyone from Elizabeth Olsen to Minka Kelly to Lucy Pinder to Phil Collins’ daughter to Betty White (just let me believe).

UsWeekly didn’t say exactly when Jenny and Chris got together, so Sienna Miller shouldn’t induct him into the League of Extraordinary Home Wreckers just yet. But I guess if you’re going to rebound, you may as well rebound with Captain America. It’s your duty as a citizen!

Here’s Jenny and Captain America on the Gifted set in Atlanta, GA last October.

Pics: FameFlynet, AnnaFarisIsUnqualified

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