Maria Bello Traded In Her Girlfriend For A 29-Year-Old Guy Friend

You’re actually looking at a picture of all three people from the title. On the left, we have Maria Bello. In the middle, we have Maria Bello’s now-former girlfriend Clare Munn. On the right, we have the 29-year-old she replaced her girlfriend with. However, this picture wasn’t taken during the Craigslist-style new partner parking lot exchange. It was taken at an event a year ago, when Maria was still with Clare. To quote The Ashleys from Recess, “Scandalous!”

Back in 2013, Maria Bello wrote an op-ed piece for The New York Times wherein she announced to the world that she’s bi and was dating her best friend, Clare. Obviously something happened between then and now, because UsWeekly says that Maria isn’t doing Clare anymore. They also say that for the past six months, she’s been having her 48-year-old business worked on by a 29-year-old actor/musician named Elijah Allan-Blitz.

One of Maria’s friends tells UsWeekly that Maria and Elijah were friends before they got together back in August. However, they didn’t mention whether or not Elijah is a scissor-dulling home wrecker of the highest order, which is really too bad, because that’s all a drama-loving trash rat like me cares about. Although if I had to guess, Clare probably figured it out long before it came to that. Besides “getting that dick“, there’s no good reason for why a 48-year-old woman would be in a just-friends situation with a 29-year-old aspiring actor/model pretty boy. Honestly, that sounds like a creative punishment thought up by a judge. “I sentence you to 100 non-sexual hours of listening to this millennial talk about how Diplo is a better DJ than Calvin Harris.”

Here are some more pictures of Maria and Clare and Elijah taken shortly before Elijah made the transition from third wheel to Maria Bello’s full-time boyfriend.

Pics: Wenn.com

Maria Bello Comes Out As Bi

Maria Bello (aka the hot bar owner in Coyote Ugly, Hugh Jackman’s pilled-up sad wife in Prisoners and Viggo Mortensen’s wife in A History of Violence) wrote an op-ed piece in The New York Times about how she told her 12-year-old son Jackson that she’s in love and bumping ‘ginas full-time with one of her best friends, who’s a woman. In Maria’s piece, she writes that her son, her son’s daddy Dan and her best friend turned lady love have created their own “modern family.” They’re like a sort of kind of real-life Kids Are Alright. Maria’s romantic relationships have mostly been with dudes, but one day she realized she was falling in love with her best friend. When Maria told her mom and dad about it, they threw out words of support. And when Maria told her son after he asked her if there was something she wasn’t telling him, he responded like this:

He looked at me for what seemed like an eternity and then broke into a huge, warm smile. “Mom, love is love, whatever you are,” he said with wisdom beyond his years. (Yes, he obviously attends one of those progressive schools in Los Angeles!)

I loved him so much for saying that. “But Jack, I’m a little scared,” I said. “When I was younger, people judged you if you were in a romantic relationship with a person of the same sex, and some still do. So I’m not sure how to deal with this. But we’ll figure it out together.”

If you follow Maria Bello at all, you’re probably saying to yourself, “…she’s totally clit wrestling with Mariska Hargitay, she’s totally clit wrestling with Mariska Hargitay,” because if you Google “Maria Bell and Mariska Hargitay,” you’ll get a treasure trove of pictures of them looking like the gayelle power couple of my dreams (not to be confused with the gayelle power couple of my reality Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon). I’m talking about pictures like this:

But sorry to burst your cum bubble. Maria Bello’s partner is named Clare and now she, Clare, Dan and Jackson are one big happy family. Congrats to Maria! Congrats to Clare! Congrats to Jackson! Congrats to Dan! And congrats to me, because since I’m posting about Maria Bello, I get to post this video of her singing “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)” in that messy movie Duets. Warning: If you’ve got cats in the room, you better tell them to get the hell out, because the first note that comes out of Maria’s mouth will make them jump through the ceiling.

Pics: Bauer Griffin, Wenn.com