Finally, a fan-created petition worth signing. Although, I’m actually a little shocked this even needed a petition, since this is clearly the most logical and obvious casting decision Hollywood could ever make. But someone went ahead and did it, and now People says that more than 20,000 people have signed it.
For the Jolie-Pitts, nothing puts the “f”s in “family fun” quite like “forced foto-ops” on the red carpet for a kids movie with mom. Angelina Jolie unplugged the X-Box mid-Fortnite Battle Royale and told all them kids to go put on their outside clothes for the Hollywood premiere of Tim Burton’s Dumbo. Here’s the twist: They had fun.
Michael Keaton is a class act and always has been since Mister Mom right on up until he quietly shelved his Oscars acceptance speech when he didn’t win Best Actor for Birdman. And finally, the class act within has been turned without and we see him in his full glory! Here’s Michael Keaton done up as “V.A. Vandervere” in he upcoming live-action Dumbo flick. Please note the wavy perfection of the hair, the austere blue of the shades, and the sexy, commanding finger on that cane. Cane ME, Mr. Vandervere! Silver Fox Michael Keaton is already the best-dressed at tonight’s Golden Globes and I don’t think he’s even going to tonight’s Golden Globes.
The teaser trailer for Tim Burton’s Dumbo is here and I’ve got to say, I forgot how much I love him. It’s so nice to have a Johnny Depp-less Burton film to look forward to! As far as Disney live-action remakes go, this looks pretty dark. And that’s a good thing! Dumbo is a deeply disturbing story that’s ruined many a childhood. It deserves an equally disturbing, childhood ruining remake.
Here’s the trailer for Dumbo with the theme song “Baby Mine” sung by Norwegian singer-songwriter Aurora (via Polygon):
Holy anime eyes Tim Burton’s Batman! Also, Holy Batman, Batman! Yes, according to Polygon, that is best Batman Michael Keaton as V.A. Vandevere, a “persuasive entrepreneur” who recruits Dumbo for his “larger-than-life entertainment venture, Dreamland”. Keeping it in the Bat-Fam, Danny DeVito plays a circus owner who recruits Colin Farrell and his two kids to take care of Dumbo.
And in case you’ve got sand in your eyes and couldn’t tell, the little girl who plays Colin’s daughter Milly looks exactly like Thandie Newton. With good reason! She’s played by Nico Parker, Thandie’s 13 year-old mini-me. I’m not going to say one word about that beautiful girl Nico being having a very white family in this film (ok, maybe I said 21 words). Nowhere to be seen though are those racist ass crows from the original. Although, maybe they will address that elephant in the room in subsequent treatments.
Back in 2012, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, one of Hollywood’s more endearing long-term couples, announced they were separating after 30 years of marriage. About five months later, Louie De Palma and Carla Tortelli called the separation off. As it turns out, being together again wasn’t meant to last.
Danny admitted during an interview with CBS Sunday Morning (via Extra) that he and Rhea are separated, but said that they’re not getting a divorce. Danny and Rhea might not be together, but they’re still friends. When asked if Rhea was at the opening night of his Broadway show, The Price, Danny responded: “Oh, absolutely, we’re really close. Well, we’ve been friends for 40-something years. We love each other.” Danny and Rhea got together in 1971 and have been married since 1982. They have three adult kids.
Danny didn’t go into details about what lead to them getting separated. Shortly after their first separation in 2012, sources were whispering that it was because Danny had been sticking his trouser worm in side-pieces. I don’t know if that’s what happened this time. But I do know that not getting a divorce is a good idea. A divorce means that Danny can get married again. That thought troubles me, because in my mind, Danny is pretty much Frank Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Danny and Rhea not getting a divorce means I don’t have to worry about seeing the headline “Danny DeVito Marries Sexy Rat.” Don’t tell me that wouldn’t happen – Frank would totally marry a rat.
Speak of the devil. I just mentioned the Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman divorce at the end of the Courtney and Doug write-up, and then MK lands this little nugget in my inbox. So, nobody could possibly have guessed this, but the reason for their breakup is rumored to be a scorching case of wandering peen. That’s a pretty common thread in breakups and I thought that might be it for a split second, but then I remembered it’s Danny Devito and felt stupid. I mean who besides Rhea wants to get all up (or down really, unless you fail the “have to be this tall to ride” challenge) on that? Just look at his luscious little self up there with his strong broad shoulders, luxurious mane and the finest in footwear and tell me you wouldn’t.
So in an exclusive, Radar.online lays out the whole sordid mess. Basically they say Danny’s been an extra fucker since at least his Hoffa days, and he would promise to make these young dumb girls famous (spoiler: he didn’t) if they would hop on his Wee Willie Winky (spoiler: they did). I don’t know who is more disgusting, Danny for preying on these starry eyed hoes – who get extra points for doing the gold digging equivalent of the food challenge on Survivor – or the girls for pretending to be all into and humping on an old married gherkin for nothing. How completely embarrassing. And then there’s poor Rhea over there, actually caring about this fool.
The anonymous source says that it was pretty obvious and common knowledge about what was going down (dramatic pause) on the Hoffa set and everyone felt sorry for Rhea, who was doubly humiliated because 1) her husband was openly cheating on her and 2) she was already famous when she started fucking on him so she had no excuse. Bummer.