Angelina Jolie Brought The Kids To The “Dumbo” Premiere

March 12, 2019 / Posted by:

For the Jolie-Pitts, nothing puts the “f”s in “family fun” quite like “forced foto-ops” on the red carpet for a kids movie with mom. Angelina Jolie unplugged the X-Box mid-Fortnite Battle Royale and told all them kids to go put on their outside clothes for the Hollywood premiere of Tim Burton’s Dumbo. Here’s the twist: They had fun.

Angie brought the whole gang save Maddox and Pax, who probably have their own bungalow in Silver Lake, complete with a live-in maid at this point. Zahara, Shilo, Vivienne, and Knox were all in attendance at the Dumbo premiere, and all of them appeared to be having a good time, smiling naturally, and allowing mumsy to touch them on the back without flinching.

One of the young stars of Dumbo, Nico Parker, was also at the premiere with her mom. I don’t think I need to tell you who her mom is, it’s written all over her face.

Do not come for Thandie Newton’s genes. They are amongst the strongest substances on earth. Pro tip: Don’t ever let her hold your baby. Her genes are so powerful that she can probably charge their genetic structure with a single touch and presto, your child is now a miniature Thandie.

It appears that the event was sponsored by Kleenex, which was a clever choice. Because believe me, you’re gonna need it to mop your brow after seeing Michael Keaton strutting his fine ass down that carpet. By the time you need it to dry your tears or blow your nose after watching Dumbo being ripped from his mother’s trunk, it’ll be nothing but a sodden mess after Michael’s had his way with you.

Here’s Angie and 4/6th of the child army, Thandie and fam, Michael, Colin Farrell, Helen Mirren and more at the Dumbo premiere.


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