Category: CPS Is On Line One
Mad Mel’s 9th Child (That We Know Of) Has Been Born
Mad Mel is back. Hollywood is no longer mad at the baked bag of rage for blaming all the world’s ills on the Jews (among other things) and he’s working the awards show circuit once again. And on top of being an Oscar nominee this year, Mel is a father again at the age of 61. And as Mel celebrates that, I’m sure his lawyers are holding an emergency meeting to tell their team that they better sign up for some CrossFit shit, take all their vitamins and gargle with herb water to prepare their vocal cords for non-stop screaming. Because in a few months, they’ll probably have to fight it out with Mad Mel’s latest baby mother in family court.
Chet Haze Is Papa Haze Now
The last time we checked in with Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s human Four Loko headache of a son Chet Haze, he was apologizing for using the n-word and announcing he was going to stop doing coke and crack. That was a little over a year ago, and we have an update on Chet Haze’s life. One of the things Chet did in the time since we last heard from him was make a baby. Yes, Chet Haze is a dad.
Brooke Mueller’s Sons Are Reportedly Safe After She Lost It In A Bar And Went Missing (UPDATE)
If you’re a Walmart parking lot drug dealer in the Salt Lake City area, a barefoot tornado of blond messiness may have tried to trade you a kid for a baggie of the bad shit last night. Because TMZ reports that Charlie Sheen’s ex and the mother of his 7-year-old twins, Bob and Max, caused a scene at a bar last night and they were all missing for a few hours.
Farrah Abraham Is Still Campaigning Hard For Mother Of The Century
The last time Backdoor Farrah’s name was farted up onto this blog, I linked to a post about the picture she posted on Instagram of her 7-year-old daughter Sophia drinking Flat Tummy Tea. Whether she really gave her little daughter laxative tea or she was just trolling for attention, I figured that an agent from CPS would still crash through her ceiling, swoop up Sophia and retreat back up into a getaway helicopter. That didn’t happen, because Farrah is still using her daughter as a prop to get attention. And yes, I’m falling for it, but it’s either post about this wreck or do another damn post about the election.
DCFS Is Now Investigating Brangelina’s Entire Family And Other Possible Incidents
The L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services was mainly looking at Brad Pitt’s alleged drunken meltdown on a plane and his side tried to convince everyone that it was a one-time thing, but after talking to the kids and Angelina Jolie, DCFS has reportedly opened up their investigation and are now passing their magnifying glasses over other incidents that may have gone down. Yup, this mess got messier…
Chris Brown Denies That He’s Being Investigated By Child Services
It’s been a busy week for the celebrity unit of CPS Los Angeles. First, they started an investigation into Brad Pitt’s alleged bad daddy situation, and now they’re looking at Chris Brown. One would think that child services opened a case the moment they heard the words “Chris Brown is a father“, but this is the first time he’s being investigated. Although if you ask him, there is no investigation.