The Look Or Not The Look: Pete Campbell’s Shaved Hairline

No, Vincent Kartheiser wasn’t in the middle of being prepared for a lobotomy when an earthquake happened and the surgical team had to abort, drop the clippers and run out of the building. Rory Gilmore’s future husband (Wait, are those hos still engaged?) is a dedicated method actor who shaves his hairline back and gains some chunk to play It’s Pat’s equally as awkward son Pete Campbell on Mad Men. Dedication to your work IS making your hairline look like a Kardashian’s 5 o’clock butt stubble.

Vincent showed up to the premiere party for Mad Men’s 7th season looking like he got Dollar Tree hair plugs put it in at the same back alley plastic surgeon van where Lil Kim gets her baby dick nose shaved off. He looks like a derpy Friar Tuck which is saying a lot, because Friar Tuck is already at maximum derp. Vincent’s head looks like a factory-defected Chia Pet. There’s a method to his madness, though. Vincent told reporters a couple of years ago that he has always imagined Pete Campbell as having a receding hairline so he shaves his hairline, and after shooting is done he has to walk around looking like John Travolta in a shifted wig before his hairline grows back. Vincent probably thinks he’s the Daniel Day-Lewis of cable and deserves every Emmy for going all the way. But he needs to get over himself, because he’s not the greatest method actor of Mad Men. January Jones is!

January Jones never EVER gets out of character. When the cameras are on, she’s in character as Betty Draper. When the cameras turn off, she’s in character as Betty Draper. When she goes home after playing an ice cold queen all day, she stays in character. She stays in complete character when she’s smoking a cigarette while watching her kid poke at the half-frozen microwave dinner she didn’t cook all the way. She stays in character when her kid is crying and she rolls her eyes while turning up the TV louder to drown out his wails. She stays in complete character when she pisses out a piss popsicle into the toilet. January Jones was in character as Betty Draper before she was cast as Betty Draper and she’ll stay in character as Betty Draper for the rest of her life. So Vincent K and his method hairline shouldn’t feel so goddamn special.

Here’s more of the cast of Mad Men (including Christina Hendrick’s chichis and Jon Hamm sans the Hammaconda) at last night’s premiere party.

Pics: Wenn.com

Christina Hendricks Keeps It Demure At Vanity Fair’s Oscar Party

Usually Christina Hendricks uses scaffolding, two tire jacks and five rolls of duct tape to hike her magnificent chichis all the way past her face until they’re touching her eyebrows. But at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party last night, her Mount Everest titty balls weren’t suffocating and they weren’t touching God’s feet and hos probably said to her, “So that’s what your face looks like, bitch!”

Christina Hendricks’ chichi domes look magnificent when they’re squeezed up to the roof of heaven  or when they look like two extra large mounds of uncooked sourdough cooling on a rack (see: above), but what in Mrs. Roper’s cleaning dress HELL is that on her body?! When I was in the 4th grade, I had a friend whose mom didn’t have money to buy her a Halloween costume, so I helped her make a witch costume using a nun’s gown I wore the year before (yes, I was a nun for Halloween in the 3rd grade, don’t ask how much shit I got for that), a black curtain panel from Ikea and black construction paper. My friend’s costume cost zero dollars, was busted as fuck and was made by two brats whose hands were shaking from eating too much candy and it still looked more luxurious and fashion forward than that shit Christina wore. That dress looks like something Endora would wear to the funeral of a whore she hated. It looks like something from the American Horror Story: Coven collection at Dress Barn.

With all that being said, Christina Hendricks, hausfrau in mourning dress and all, was still the hottest look at that VF party (no, it wasn’t), because mostly everybody else (just Kate Beckinsale) looked like the last place loser at the Miss Bolivia 1993 pageant.

Pics: Wenn.com

Somebody Is Pissed That Her Invitation To The WHCD Got Lost In The Mail

Tom Brokaw and Sarah Palin actually have something in common. They both hate-watched the hell out of the White House Correspondents’ Dinner last night. As the hos from DC and the hos from Hollywood roasted (although, it was more like a light searing followed by a soothing burn-cooling blow) each other, the White Rain crust on Sarah Palin’s hair strands melted off as she clenched her ass cheeks and fisted the TV in disgust. Those ass clowns in DC were drunkenly laughing with each other while hard-working American Sarah Palin was working hard. Drunk tweeting the WHCD in between finishing up your application for the next season of Splash is hard work, thankyouverymuch!

If you’re one of those hard-working Americans who was too busy working hard to watch that mess last night, here’s President Obama’s act which features cameos by Steven Spielberg, Moe Howard’s bangs and Tracy Morgan.

Here’s Conan’s act and if you ain’t got time for it, his best line was, “President Obama and John Boehner are kind of like a blind date between Anderson Cooper and Rachel Maddow. In theory, they understand each other’s positions, but deep down you know nothing is ever going to happen.”

I don’t know which image takes me higher: the image of Sarah Palin throwing her Bump-It at the TV screen, because she wasn’t invited to the party or the Silver Fox and Rachel Maddow awkwardly scissoring with their clothes on.

Out Of The Way, Bitches! True Glamour Coming Through!

Taxi cabs stopped honking, pigeons stopped pecking at other pigeon carcasses, Amanda Bynes stopped hiding her face with her purse and Donald Trump stopped being an asshole for five seconds, because they all stared at Christina Hendricks as she strolled down the street in Manhattan looking like a ginger goddess in sparkly gold shoes. You know passengers gave up their cabs even though she didn’t need a ride and traffic stopped. Christina is looking like the kind of power bitch who is coming for your company, your man, your apartment, your vacation house, your 401k, your charge account at Lord & Taylor and your everything else! Who cares if Christina probably choreographed this walk in her hotel room for hours before she came out? This is some fresh out of a vintage Vogue shit and that soulless ghoul Anna Wintour better eat her bangs over this.

And later, Christina Hendricks came out of The Daily Show with her magnificent chichis looking like two sunsets. Bitch closed down the night and then some.

Yeah, We’re All Looking For The Same Thing Right Now

You are not among the living if you don’t immediately start searching for any signs of the Hamm steak as soon as you see a picture of its owner Jon Hamm. It’s a natural reaction. Just like knuckling yourself in the eyeball is a natural reaction to seeing the name “Kardashian.” You just knuckled yourself in the eyeball, right? If only you could put the Hamm steak on it to stop the swelling.

The cock-blocking executives at AMC must’ve told Jon Hamm to shove his crotch beast in a bowl of ice before sticking it between his ass cheeks and holding it down with metal chains, because it did not make a grand appearance at last night’s season 6 premiere of Mad Men. Those bitches at AMC just don’t appreciate what they have, because they should’ve rolled out the red carpet for Jon Hamm’s big dick. Hell, they should’ve rolled Jon Hamm’s big dick out and used it as the red carpet.

Except for the little girl, mostly everybody looked like hell last night. Christina Hendricks covered up her magnificent chichis and dressed like an 85-year-old Italian widow. January Jones looked like a sad Popsicle. And Vincent Kartheiser’s guinea pig comb over is just dreadful. I’m assuming that they all looked like shit on purpose, because they wanted all of the attention to go to the true star of the show, the Hammaconda. And it didn’t even show up. It’s a sad day for us all and AMC can eat some cold ass in hell for that.

Anyway, here’s a few pictures from last night’s Hammaconda-less Mad Men premiere party. In order: Jon Hamm with Jennifer Westfeldt, John Slattery, Vincent Kartheiser, Kiernan Shipka, Alison Brie, Christina Hendricks, January Jones, Jessica Pare, Teyonah Parris and Ben Feldman.

Like Anyone Is Looking At Your Hair, Please

Don’t-Focus-On-My-Tatas-Even-Though-I-Shove-Them-Up-To-My-Eyebrows-In-Plunging-Necklines advocate Christina Hendricks would like you to quit staring at her luscious bewbs for a second and focus on her hair instead. For all of us str8 women who are able to defy the odds and actually drag our eyeballs up there, she wants us to know that her modeling agency once said HELL NO!! to her signature fiery locks. The naturally blond Christina (prove it! – half the planet) dyed her hair bright red for a photo shoot and was met by a “Daaamn girl, you ugly!” from the head of her agency.

In Christina’s words (via the Daily Mail):

‘When I first started modelling I was blonde. Then I got a job and they wanted to do my hair bright red. I’d always wanted to, but the head of my agency was like, “You look terrible, it’s so ugly, you cannot have red hair.”
“I came back as a redhead and couldn’t get my hair back to blonde for two days – in the meantime I had to audition.
‘I booked two or three jobs, because were a lot fewer redheads than blondes, and I was like, this is working for me, I’m keeping this!’

I kind of have to agree with her that the red suits her and helps her stand out in a sea of blindingly bleached blond bimbos (say that three times really fast, I dare you) but really, who gives a shit. Good, hair talk times are over and now our ADD asses can go back to being mesmerized by her real stand out features, those twin Verne Troyers half out of her top.