Category: Mad Men

A Virtual “Mad Men” Reunion May Happen

June 11, 2020 / Posted by:

It’s been just over five years since Mad Men ended, the show you can blame for some very questionable (read: ugly) sixties-inspired fashion choices in my early twenties.

Now, in the age of Corona, Corona, many TV show and film casts have virtually reunited, either for table reads of past episodes, or just general discussion. While everybody’s favorite Scientologist, Elisabeth Moss, was doing the rounds for her new movie Shirley, an interviewer asked her if the Mad Men gang would ever consider doing a “Zoom-union” (blegh). The famously vague Elisabeth kept it ambiguous as always, but alluded that it may already be in the works. Continue reading

We Almost Got To See A Gone Girl Sidepeen Shower Scene Starring Jon Hamm

March 30, 2015 / Posted by:

I really really hate to be the person to deliver such tragic news, but after lighting several Our Lady of Sorrows candles and spending a good 10 minutes weeping on the floor of my shower, I think I’m finally ready. Page Six says that Jon Hamm, seen above looking like a rode hard put away boozy Don Draper (that I so would, even though he probably smells like Lucky Strikes and ass), had to turn down the role of Nick Dunne in Gone Girl because it would have made things messy for Mad Men’s shooting schedule.

A source claims Jon is not happy with Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner for refusing to let him out of his Mad Men contract so he could go play Amazing Amy’s shady shitbag husband. And I’m not happy that Matthew Weiner’s decision effectively killed any chance that our eyeballs might catch a glimpse of The Hammaconda slithering into the shower. The role and subsequent sidepeen shower scene of course went to Ben Affleck.

Dear Matthew Weiner: On behalf of penis enthusiasts everywhere, I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. Aw, I’m sorry – I don’t mean that. You’ve given me so much joy (read: Don Draper saying “I love puppies” and Pete Campbell falling down the stairs), and a contract is a contract, so I can’t hate you for keeping Jon Hamm and his magnificent dick on set. But I am still very pissed that you took priceless spank bank material from the horny fappers and tappers of this world.

Here’s the first round draft pick for Nick Dunne walking through LAX last Friday:

Pics: Splash

Megan From Mad Men Is A Mom Now

March 21, 2015 / Posted by:

And today I learned that Jessica Paré’s baby daddy John Kastner sort of looks like what you’d get if that sneaky snake Pete Campbell got Don Draper hooked on peyote and abandoned him at a spiritual retreat in the desert during a SCDP business trip. Oh shit, did I just spoil the ending to Man Men for myself?

But back to Megan from Mad Men. For those of you thinking “Wait, Megan from Mad Men was pregnant?” – yes she was, and yesterday her boyfriend posted a picture of his 8-year-old daughter holding the baby they made together to Instagram with the caption:

Please meet Blues Anthony Paré Kastner

This is Jessica’s first kid and John’s second.

Jessica and John (born name: Jean-Guy) are both French Canadian, so I’m personally shocked that they didn’t name their new baby something ultra-Québécois. I’m barely 1/16th French Canadian, but every time I think about naming something like a fish or a plant, my mind immediately goes to Céline or Étienne or Jean-Luc Guy de la Guy. But Blues is fine, I guess. Also if you switch his names around, you get Tony Blues, which sounds like the name of a street tough in a movie about 1950s denim gangs, and let’s be honest – that’s a pretty cool nickname.

And maybe if Baby Blues is lucky, his first stop on his way home from the hospital will be to visit mommy’s hot pretend husband Jon Hamm. Is it weird that I just wished I could pull a Freaky Friday with a baby?

(via UsWeekly)

Attack Of The Clones: Mad Men Edition

April 24, 2013 / Posted by:

I’ve put this attack of the clones comparison after the jump, because it has a huge spoiler in it. So if you haven’t seen any of the new season of Mad Men, put your eyes on this GIF compilation of Joan’s best nothavingyourshit moments from Sunday’s episode (no spoilers, I think). For the rest of you, GO! 

Everybody has said before that Don Draper is like a hotter, skinnier, douchier, drunker and way more complicated (which is saying a lot since Fred Flintstone is SO complicated) Fred Flintstone. And Don’s neighbor/side piece Sylvia is totally Betty Rubble if Betty Rubble jumped into a time machine and traveled to the 1960s. So now we know what it looks like when Betty pulls out Fred’s key during a key party at Joe Rockhead’s house.

I just hope that in a future episode Don will say to Sylvia, “Yabba Dabba Do me.” The writers owe us this for putting these together.

And while looking for a picture of Fred and Betty, my browser took me to a place no browser should take anyone: a site full of Flintstones cartoon porn. I even had to ask myself “Do I want to fap to this?” when looking at a picture of Fred and Barney 69ing. The answer was “yes,” but I cried the whole time.

Yeah, We’re All Looking For The Same Thing Right Now

March 21, 2013 / Posted by:

You are not among the living if you don’t immediately start searching for any signs of the Hamm steak as soon as you see a picture of its owner Jon Hamm. It’s a natural reaction. Just like knuckling yourself in the eyeball is a natural reaction to seeing the name “Kardashian.” You just knuckled yourself in the eyeball, right? If only you could put the Hamm steak on it to stop the swelling.

The cock-blocking executives at AMC must’ve told Jon Hamm to shove his crotch beast in a bowl of ice before sticking it between his ass cheeks and holding it down with metal chains, because it did not make a grand appearance at last night’s season 6 premiere of Mad Men. Those bitches at AMC just don’t appreciate what they have, because they should’ve rolled out the red carpet for Jon Hamm’s big dick. Hell, they should’ve rolled Jon Hamm’s big dick out and used it as the red carpet.

Except for the little girl, mostly everybody looked like hell last night. Christina Hendricks covered up her magnificent chichis and dressed like an 85-year-old Italian widow. January Jones looked like a sad Popsicle. And Vincent Kartheiser’s guinea pig comb over is just dreadful. I’m assuming that they all looked like shit on purpose, because they wanted all of the attention to go to the true star of the show, the Hammaconda. And it didn’t even show up. It’s a sad day for us all and AMC can eat some cold ass in hell for that.

Anyway, here’s a few pictures from last night’s Hammaconda-less Mad Men premiere party. In order: Jon Hamm with Jennifer Westfeldt, John Slattery, Vincent Kartheiser, Kiernan Shipka, Alison Brie, Christina Hendricks, January Jones, Jessica Pare, Teyonah Parris and Ben Feldman.

Megan Will Be Back To Annoy You On The Next Season Of Mad Men

January 24, 2013 / Posted by:

Bad news for those of you who were hoping that an anvil fell on Megan’s head and she moved to Kansas to milk goats, because she got a case of amnesia and suddenly thought she was a farmer’s wife. That didn’t happen. Megan is back (and is looking like Lana Del Rey), so prepare your eyeballs for rolling. I see Megan leaning over Don Draper and whispering,  “Yes, honey, the drip is back,” at him as he tries his hardest to control the explosive diarrhea that wants to shoot out of his ass. Megan has that effect on a ho.

Mad Men is back on April 7th and AMC pushed out these season 6 promo pictures that aren’t awkward at all. They all look like me when I went to this sober dude’s party and he refused to let anybody drink or bring booze into his apartment. We all tried snorting soda water through straws, thinking that the bubbles might take our heads higher, but it didn’t work.

Anyway, Megan is back, Skinny Betty is back and Peggy’s Peter Pan collars are back! I would spend my time wondering what in ten shades of satin hell is that on Christina Hendricks‘ body, but I’m too busy feeling sad over the fact that there’s zero appearances from the Hammaconda in these pictures. AMC needs better marketing people who understand that the Hammaconda should be getting top billing now.

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