Channing Tatum Answered Some Questions About Channing Tatum And It Was Wonderful

Lovable stripping doofus Channing Tatum did an AMA on Reddit yesterday, or as Channing probably called it, “Yo, Give Me Much Questions.” Agreeing to do a Reddit AMA was really brave of Channing. He totally seems like the kind of guy who gets nervous every time he goes through the drive-thru at Taco Bell and the voice on the magic speaking box asks if he wants to make it a combo (“Oh man, I know this one…calm down dude, you got this“).

Channing is currently promoting Magic Mike XXL, so I expected every answer to be just a picture of his abs. Instead, he gave us a gift far more beautiful – Channing Tatum gave us the real thoughts rolling around inside Channing Tatum’s adorably dopey skull. That, or he smacked his penis around on the keyboard for a couple hours and let autocorrect do its thing. Either way, Christmas has come early! Note: All answers appear exactly as Channing typed them.

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Sony Is Planning To Whore The Hell Out Of Ghostbusters

Slimer’s already got a sloppy b-hole and now it’s going to get even sloppier, because Sony is planning to pass that trick around to anybody and everybody for a dollar.

The all-lady Ghostbusters movie is already in the works, and today Sony announced that they’re planning an all-bro Ghostbusters starring Channing Tatum. I know, we already had an all-dude Ghostbusters, it was called Ghostbusters. Deadline says that The Russo Brothers, who directed Captain America: The Winter Soldier, will mostly likely direct the douche version of Ghostbusters and Drew Pearce, who wrote Iron Man 3, will write the words. Channing will produce and is hoping to star in it. So basically, it’s probably going to be like 22 Jump Street but with ghosts. Expect a lot of jokes about shitting in their jumpsuits and expect to see Jonah Hill (who will obviously be in this) get a hand job from a lady ghost while drinking an Ecto Cooler energy drink.

Deadline also says that Sony isn’t stopping with two Ghostbusters movies. They’ve formed a production company called Ghostcorps, which will shit up more movies, TV shows and merchandise. Ivan Reitman and Dan Aykroyd are running Ghostcorps. Ivan told Deadline their plans to fill the world with more Ghostbusters shit:

“We want to expand the Ghostbusters universe in ways that will include different films, TV shows, merchandise, all things that are part of modern filmed entertainment. This is a branded entertainment, a scary supernatural premise mixed with comedy. Paul Feig’s film will be the first version of that, shooting in June to come out in July 2016. He’s got four of the funniest women in the world, and there will be other surprises to come. The second film has a wonderful idea that builds on that. Drew will start writing and the hope is to be ready for the Russo Brothers’ next window next summer to shoot, with the movie coming out the following year. It’s just the beginning of what I hope will be a lot of wonderful movies.”

I don’t think we sprang forward on Sunday morning, I think we fell all the way back to 1984. Because Sony is suddenly going Ghostbusters crazy. Since they’re making a Ghostbusters movie for women and a Ghostbusters movie for bros, I fully expect them to make a Ghostbusters movie for every group that exists. So poke at me when they make an all-puppies Ghostbusters movie and an all-nudist Ghostbusters movie starring Alexander Skarsgard.

Happy Hump Day: The Magic Mike XXL Trailer Is Here

If Channing Tatum working in a metal shop ala Flashdance and Kevin Nash’ awkward stomping and luscious mane makes your loins gush like a vanilla pudding Snack Pack that’s been squeezed too tight, then cover your screen with Saran Wrap and lay down the tarp, because the first trailer for Magic Mike XXL is out. The Texas T-Rex is out (because his Oscar tells him that he’s way too fancy for this shit) and so is that annoying Cody Horn person who is the worst case of nepotism in a while. Amber Heard and Michael Straham’s gap are in. You don’t care, but here’s the synopsis anyway:

Picking up the story three years after Mike bowed out of the stripper life at the top of his game, “Magic Mike XXL” finds the remaining Kings of Tampa likewise ready to throw in the towel. But they want to do it their way: burning down the house in one last blow-out performance in Myrtle Beach, and with legendary headliner Magic Mike sharing the spotlight with them. On the road to their final show, with whistle stops in Jacksonville and Savannah to renew old acquaintances and make new friends, Mike and the guys learn some new moves and shake off the past in surprising ways.

You know what bothers me about that synopsis? The fact that there is a synopsis. We don’t want a plot! We just need 3D close-ups of bulges and Matt Boner’s ass bouncing up and down like a tiny bulldog in a pick-up truck as he humps the floor while “Pony” plays. This is the synopsis for Magic Mike XXL I want to read:

BULGE BULGE BUGLE DICK THRUSTING BULGE PECS DICK BULGE BULGE BULGE SWAYING DICK BULGE BULGE BOUNCING ASSES DICK BULGE BULGE TWERKING PECS BULGE BULGE AIR FUCKING BARE ASS BULGE BULGE DICK BULGE

And this is how product placement is done:

Although, it really should’ve been leche instead. They missed out on a good opportunity to make the best Got Milk? ad ever.

How Very Subtle Of You, Channing Tatum

This might explain why Channing Tatum was forced to hold Amy Adams like a beach umbrella on that Vanity Fair cover; they needed to give him a task that would require his full concentration so that his eyes wouldn’t get distracted by titties. They (“they” being the professional dog trainer hired to keep Channing focused) really should have used the same tactic on the red carpet for the premiere of Jupiter Ascending last night in Los Angeles. Mila Kunis’ new mommy boobies are almost too much for him. I almost expect his tie to start spinning and steam to come out of his ears, like in an old Tex Avery cartoon.

Mila’s best defense would have been to distract him with her maybe/maybe not husband Ashton Kutcher (or as Channing probably calls him, “that dude who lost his car”), who was there, but didn’t walk the red carpet with her. Good choice! It doesn’t matter what he showed up wearing, he still would have been overshadowed by Mila’s on-point slutty bad girl sister of the bride realness:

In a perfect world, Mila is two daiquiris away from loudly asking “Yo, who wants to see me balance a piece of wedding cake on my tits???” during the reception. I love it. Here’s more of Mila working some good hair and a pair of formal Thocks at the Jupiter Ascending premiere last night, as well as more Channing, freckled British elf Eddie Redmayne, and the reason Manic Panic will never go out of business, Lana Wachowski:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Oh, It’s Just Channing Tatum Wearing Amy Adams As A Scarf On Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue

It’s a shitty shame that SkyMall is close to death, because they’re the ones to sell an Amy Adams scarf.

The cover of last year’s Vanity Fair Hollywood issue wasn’t sixty layers of awful as usual, so I guess this year they decided to go back to wet farting up covers that look a shitty mess. They took the actors from some of the this year’s Oscar-nominated movies and threw them all on this raggedy cover together. On it are: Amy Adams, Channing Tatum, Reese Witherspoon, Eddie Redmayne, Felicity Jones, David Oyelowo, Benedict Cumberbatch, Sienna Miller, Oscar Isaac and Miles Teller. Almost everybody on this cover looks like hell. Vanity Fair did them wrong. Amy Adams looks like she’s been suffering from the flu for two weeks, Carol Channing Tatum O’Neal looks like a smug caveman lothario who’s carrying the woman he just clubbed, Laura Jeanne Poon’s tits look like a tiny flat ass, Eddie Redmayne and B. Cums look like two creepy aliens you can’t trust and Miles Teller loos like a confused poodle who just got Dirty Sanchez’d. Behold the pullout:

They look like a bunch of high schoolers who left prom early, got drunk on Boone’s Farms in the parking lot and then piled into a booth at Denny’s to share a plate of french fries.

I hear some of you screaming, “Who did Sienna Miller’s publicist blow to get her on that cover?” Sorry home wrecker haters, but she belongs on that cover. Not only did she say one of the important lines in Foxcatcher (“I said hi, Mark”) but she acted alongside one of the most relevant and biggest stars in Hollywood today: the fake baby from American Sniper! Speaking of, this cover is trash and whatever credibility Vanity Fair had left, they flushed down the urinal as soon as they made the decision to not put the fake baby from American Sniper on the cover. That fake baby is the only star in Hollywood who really matters.

Also, here’s some pictures of Laura Jeanne Poon, Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones at yesterday’s Oscar nominee luncheon in L.A. Julianne Moore is not on VF’s cover, but I threw in pictures of her, because everybody needs to know that her stylist must be stopped.

Pics: Wenn.com

And Now In Hacked Sony Emails News, Bad Reviews Of “The Monuments Men” Made George Clooney Sad

More hacked Sony emails have been released, and while they don’t get much juicier than Scott Rudin calling Dame St. Angie a “minimally-talented spoiled brat” (I wonder what he calls her off the record? My money is on “Jon Voight’s dumb vampire-looking daughter“), they do reveal that Amal Clooney’s actor husband George was a sad panda after he read all the bad reviews of his film The Monuments Men. According to Page Six, one of the recent leaks was an email George sent to Amy Pascal with the subject line “It’s getting worse“. In it, he cries to Amy that the reviews for the film he wrote, produced, directed, and starred in were so bad, he was losing precious beauty sleep:

“I need some protection from all the reviews. Let’s just make it a hit. I haven’t slept in 30 hours. And it’s 7 am.”

I hope the second Amy got that email, she rushed over to his house with a Costco-sized tub of chocolate peanut butter ice cream and a DVD copy of One Fine Day to cheer him up. Poor Georgie – some people didn’t like his movie! I think that’s the rich celebrity equivalent of not being asked to the prom. Amy did email George back, explaining that would “get revenge” by making money off the film, and George responded in true George Clooney style:

“I adore you Amy. You are literally the only person running a studio that loves film. I fear I’ve let you all down. Not my intention. I apologize. I’ve just lost touch… Who knew? Sorry. I won’t do it again.”

Damn, I think I just fell in love with George Clooney (“ONE OF US! ONE OF US!” chanted the C’loonies). Listen to George, trying to charm the pants off Amy Pascal. Unfortunately, not everyone is as good at kissing Amy’s ass; those leaked emails also revealed that there’s a certain bony booty hunter who has a reputation for being a thoughtless asshole. That’s right! Joining Dame St. Angie on the Sony Shit List is Leonardo DiCaprio.

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